[ { "sub": "WomenOver40", "q": "divorce therapy", "title": "Tell me positive stories of reviving your marriage. Please.", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/WomenOver40/comments/1t0zcdq/tell_me_positive_stories_of_reviving_your/", "author": "/u/BrilliantEast1709", "date": "2026-05-01T17:04:48+00:00", "content": "

I (40f) would love to hear from women who've been through it, stuck it out, and have a deeply satisfying, fun marriage.

Yesterday, I said the scary thing out loud. I told my husband I wasn't enoying marriage and haven't been a while, maybe 5 of the 8 years.

I DO NOT want to be divorced. We have two young kids that adore him. There's no infidelity or abuse. Without specifics, it's just the constant grind of life, and I don't like him much anymore. Objectively, he's a great, funny, smart guy. As a partner, he does not operate like a teammate. It doesn't feel like we're partners, but I can see he IS trying.

We can't afford therapy atm, but it's on the list. If you're a Believer, please share too, but don't just say prayer.

I just want some positive stories. Please.

submitted by /u/BrilliantEast1709
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "WomenOver40", "q": "divorce therapy", "title": "Why do I feel like I failed? (Children moving out)", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/WomenOver40/comments/1rx7ov2/why_do_i_feel_like_i_failed_children_moving_out/", "author": "/u/Choice_Ad_7862", "date": "2026-03-18T15:54:31+00:00", "content": "

Tldr; My second adult child is moving out and I cant stop crying. I feel like I failed them and missed their whole lives.

Ive been married twice and have children from each marriage. The second marriage was really trash and it hurt my older girls a lot. It took me 4 years to get out and hes still dragging out the divorce 5 years later. I carry a lot of guilt for all of that. I feel like I missed out on my older girls lives because I was busy dealing with that. I feel like they didn't get enough parenting and its too late to fix it now.

My oldest is in her mid 20s and living on her own. She lived with me while she finished college, found a job and moved out of state. My second child is 18 and has been talking about moving out for a couple years now. Today she signed a lease for a place in the next town over. She wants to do her own thing, our home is small, the younger kids are loud, etc. I love my girls and am supportive them chasing their dreams. I always felt like it was my job to raise them to be capable and independent, but now that they are on that road I'm *really* struggling with it. Im not saying these things to them, not their burden, but Im really having a hard time.

My siblings and I moved out at 18/19 and our parents were very ready for us to go, my friends weren't rushing anyone out but didnt fall apart when they left either. Part of me says, come on now, they're adults, but the other part of me still sees them as little girls who are too far from their mom. Is this normal? Do I need therapy?

submitted by /u/Choice_Ad_7862
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "WomenOver40", "q": "divorce therapy", "title": "How to reset when everything is terrible?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/WomenOver40/comments/1rnwmll/how_to_reset_when_everything_is_terrible/", "author": "/u/Haunting-Arachnid689", "date": "2026-03-08T05:43:17+00:00", "content": "

Help? I\u2019m a single mom to two teens, I have adhd, chronic pain/arthritis, creatively stuck, unsuccessfully job hunting post-divorce as my spousal support dwindles, house is a mess, feels cluttered, and makes my brain sad, barely sleeping maybe 5 hours/night. I don\u2019t have family support and not really any very close friends (just one and mostly over text because she\u2019s busy). Yes, I\u2019m in therapy. But everything feels hopeless, pointless, Or insurmountable.

I want to turn my life around but don\u2019t know where to start. I feel worthless and am turning to the women of Reddit for insight. Thank you. \ud83e\ude76

submitted by /u/Haunting-Arachnid689
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "workingmoms", "q": "EMDR", "title": "Working moms I need you today", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/comments/1v3u0oc/working_moms_i_need_you_today/", "author": "/u/rawlalala", "date": "2026-07-22T21:37:57+00:00", "content": "

I am a working mom in need of support from other working moms today, I am going through a lot and I don't unfortunately have a lot of working moms around me:

I work in tech corporate consulting

I have a 3 year old child

My partner works long hours in a high intense job too

I've been struggling at work for about a year

Before that also struggled with post partum

I love my child more than anything but it is hard

My partner is supportive but our relationship is strained

I've sought out therapy, of all kinds

I've started EMDR and boy it is intense, a lot is coming up and my child is noticing it

I've experienced chronic family trauma and grief

I don't have almost any working mothers around me, my friends don't have kids yet, my bosses are childless women, my friends who have kids don't work or are overseas and don't understand the work culture where I am

I am trying my absolute best to feel better and I just need a working mom to tell me is this how it goes for you? Is this part of the deal?

I'm not sure this is just a matter of "growing up" and "being an adult"?

Does it get better? What has worked for you when everything felt like too much?

submitted by /u/rawlalala
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "workingmoms", "q": "EMDR", "title": "Help for ADHD mom catching up and getting organized", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/comments/1u2pgp4/help_for_adhd_mom_catching_up_and_getting/", "author": "/u/RecommendationCalm21", "date": "2026-06-11T04:56:22+00:00", "content": "

I am really struggling right now.

I have severe inattentive and hyperactive ADHD. Right now I have a husband, 4.5 year old, a dog, and two cats. I work a pretty demanding job 40-55 hours a week, my husband is an attorney working 50-60 hours a week, our son is in full-time preschool and does a few activities. My husband and I work together to try and spread out responsibilities as much as possible (he's mostly taken over laundry, cooks, is there in charge of tball, while I clean the kitchen, bathroom and floors, in charge of soccer).

Every time we start to get a handle on things, something comes up and everything comes crashing down. Basement flooded, bathroom flooded into our kitchen, numerous illnesses that took down the whole family, family emergencies. By crashing down, I mean laundry and dishes piling up, tossing stuff in the basement to get by, constantly putting out fires. Right now, I'm serving on a grand jury until the end of August. So I'm out of work two days a week.

I've just completed some EMDR therapy and upped my Concerta Rx, and I know that I have more bandwidth and can accomplish more than I am right now.

I guess I need strategies to help me catch up and stay more afloat than I am right now. I'm looking for any tips, especially if they are kind of off the wall.

My biggest challenges are:

- having time/energy to accomplish something, but being unable to finish a task. I'm overwhelmed so I jump between projects, so everything ends up being 30-60% done.

- keep track of tasks when I think of them at random times (thinking of appointments when driving to work, going on walks and thinking of new ideas for projects).

- how do I catch up? The clutter is driving me crazy and we really, really need the space.

Thank you for anyone who made it this far and if you contribute ideas!!

submitted by /u/RecommendationCalm21
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "workingmoms", "q": "EMDR", "title": "1 Year After the Fire Update - Thank You, Moms", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/comments/1q5koe3/1_year_after_the_fire_update_thank_you_moms/", "author": "/u/sillysandhouse", "date": "2026-01-06T14:53:03+00:00", "content": "

Hi fellow working moms, some of you might remember me from a year ago.

I wrote to you all in the absolute depths of one of the hardest things myself and my family has ever gone through, asking how to be strong and be a good mom for my kid while we navigated our house and neighborhood all burning down in the Eaton Fire.

Everyone here was SO kind and helpful.

So here's the update:

Some days are ok, some days are still really hard. As we approach the actual day of the 1 year anniversary, I'm filled with sickness and dread thinking of what we experienced last year, but I'm trying to displace it with memories of all the kindness we experienced - including from this wonderful community.

Thank you all for your strength and kindness in my dark moment. I'll keep trying to pay it forward :)

submitted by /u/sillysandhouse
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "27F, can't figure things out, am I just a loser?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1xeolvj/27f_cant_figure_things_out_am_i_just_a_loser/", "author": "/u/RentSpecialist4325", "date": "2026-10-25T00:45:13+00:00", "content": "

I was really motivated as a kid to grow up and be independent and make money, but then I was severely depressed in high school which just took all of that away. I went to college because my parents made it clear there wasn't any other option. I had a lot of ideas like speech-language pathology or even social work, but I couldn't commit to anything out of fear or little passion or something I can't name and ended up choosing Communication. I actually enjoyed it, or just enjoyed the ritual of having a healthy routine that college gave me. I minored in Linguistics and Nutrition because I (vaguely) enjoy those areas and graduated in 2021. I immediately got a job as a recruiter and was promoted multiple times within the three years I did that kind of work. There were a lot of aspects I liked about that job. I didn't really like recruiting but I was able to just get the work done then log off and not think about it for the rest of the day, but one specific promotion landed me on a team that ended up becoming a nightmare. I literally think I developed anxiety because of this team, I can't even describe how badly I was treated but it was not good.

I ended up resigning to take time off for myself (also to recover from an eating disorder that was getting worse and worse because of my anxiety) which turned into one year unemployed because I couldn't find a job. Since then I've been working as a Mental Health Coach for a treatment center for a little over a year, I actually really like this job but I only make $19 an hour and my boss is a disorganized people pleaser. She will give other employees all the time off they want, and my time off requests end up ignored because all of a sudden no one is available. I don't know why I'm the employee who ends up ignored. This is not a job that anyone will thrive in if they're overworked, it's heavy stuff dealing with severe mental health issues. Right now this boss has been ignoring me for six days, I've emailed multiple times because she ignored a time off request that I had planned coming up and still no response. So this job is just not going to work long-term, I don't see how anyone can work under a boss like this but maybe all my coworkers are thriving since she seems to accommodate everyone else. I've been applying for Medical Assistant-type roles because my current position is similar to that but I need an actual calling. I need to commit to something. But I'm scared to because what if I do and it's the wrong calling and I'm even more discouraged than before? Has anyone else been through this? I feel like everyone my age has it figured out, some even have a husband and kids meanwhile I'm sitting here with no clue how to live a proper life. Literally started crying the other day because I don't have a career, and I don't even really have friends or much of a social life because of my anxiety

submitted by /u/RentSpecialist4325
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "10 years in tech. What else could I do?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1xaresl/10_years_in_tech_what_else_could_i_do/", "author": "/u/Lewis-McLoud", "date": "2026-10-20T12:56:34+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019ve spent the last 10 years in IT, starting out in technical roles before moving into strategy, leadership and product management.

I\u2019ve recently been made redundant and I\u2019m wondering whether it\u2019s time for a change, possibly even outside IT.

I\u2019ve realised my strengths and interests are more around people, problem-solving and strategy than technology itself. I love mentoring, coaching, bringing people together and helping others succeed. I\u2019m also very systems-driven and genuinely enjoy processes, frameworks, governance and even audits! \ud83e\udd23

I\u2019m naturally empathetic, analytical and enjoy figuring out how things work and how they could work better.

So I\u2019m curious, what other careers or industries might suit someone like me? I\u2019m open to trying something completely different, but honestly have no idea where to start.

Any suggestions welcome!

submitted by /u/Lewis-McLoud
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "What Do I Do After High School? Chapter 28 - Your Life Master Plan:Planning Your Work and Working Your Plan", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1x9vsal/what_do_i_do_after_high_school_chapter_28_your/", "author": "/u/odaversa", "date": "2026-10-19T12:38:54+00:00", "content": "
\"What

https://preview.redd.it/0uais5do5fwh1.jpg?width=624&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=76408e8dab060deb3e5615111553549b6e3a33fe

What Do I Do After High School? Chapter 28 - Your Life Master Plan:
Planning Your Work and Working Your Plan

Turn your teen's dreams into a written plan they can act on this week

By Oreste J. D'Aversa, CPC (Certified Professional Coach)

WhatDoIDoAfterHighSchool.com - CollegeMajorCoaching.com

Introduction

Your teen has dreams. A career they talk about, a place they want to live, the independence they cannot wait to have. The dreams are real. What most teens do not have is a written plan to reach them.

So how do you help your teen turn a dream into a life? Help them write a Life Master Plan: a short, written plan with clear goals, the steps each goal requires, and a weekly schedule for doing the work. A dream without a plan is just a wish.

Most young people never write one. Not because they lack talent, but because nobody ever handed them a sheet of paper and said: write the plan. Many people plan a vacation more carefully than they plan a career.

Why Writing It Down Changes Everything

Psychologist Dr. Gail Matthews of Dominican University of California studied people working toward goals. Those who wrote their goals down accomplished significantly more than those who kept them only in their heads, and the effect grew stronger when they reported their progress to someone else.1

Writing a goal down is not a formality. It is a commitment. It is the moment a vague hope becomes a specific intention, and specific intentions produce specific results.

You already know this from daily life. Think of the last time you shopped with a written list and the last time you did not. The accountability finding matters most for parents. Your teen does not need you to write the plan for them. They need you to be the person they report their progress to.

Section One - Define Your Goals

The Life Master Plan comes from my earlier book, Life Beyond the Pandemic: A Practical New Journey Handbook, and it has three sections, each building on the one before. Section One starts with three to seven goals across the areas that matter: career, money, health, relationships and personal growth. Enough to build momentum, not so many that nothing gets real attention. Each goal must be SMART, a five-part test first described by management consultant George Doran in 1981:2

1. Specific: not "I want to be successful," but "I will earn my EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) certification by December."

2. Measurable: there is a clear way to know it is done.

3. Achievable: it takes real effort, but it is within reach.

4. Realistic: it rests on an honest look at where your teen is today.

5. Time-framed: it has a date.

Without all five, a goal is decoration. With all five, it is a direction. This is also where earlier work pays off. Your teen's values tell them which goals are worth chasing. Their strengths tell them where they are most likely to succeed.

Section Two - Identify the Process

For each goal, your teen answers three questions:

1. What do I need to have? Skills, a certification, money, tools, a mentor.

2. What do I need to do? Classes, applications, practice, savings.

3. In what order? Some steps must come before others.

This is the step most people skip. They set a goal, jump straight to action, hit an obstacle they never saw coming, and decide the goal was unrealistic. It was not unrealistic. It was unplanned. A teen who wants to open a landscaping business by age twenty-one may need a driver's license, startup savings, equipment and a first customer. The license comes before the truck. The savings come before the business.

Section Three - Work Your Plan

This is where the plan comes alive. Section Three is the day-to-day, week-to-week schedule. Not "I will work on my goal," but "Monday, Wednesday and Friday I will study for thirty minutes. Every Saturday I will take one practice test."

Researchers Edwin Locke and Gary Latham found that specific, challenging goals combined with regular feedback produce significantly higher performance than vague goals.3 A simple plan reviewed every week beats a complex plan filed away.

Once a month, sit down together and look at what is working and what is not. Adjust the plan, not the goal. The goal stays. The plan is flexible by design. Keep the plan short and keep it visible: on the refrigerator, in a phone note, on the bedroom wall. A plan your teen can see is a plan your teen will use.

Exercise: My Life Master Plan

Sit down with your teen and fill this in together.

\u00b7 My most important goal, and the date I will reach it:

____________________________________________________________

\u00b7 What I need to have or learn first:

____________________________________________________________

\u00b7 What I will do this week:

____________________________________________________________

*** DOWNLOAD your free sample chapter today! **\\*

What Do I Do After High School? White Collar, Blue Collar or No Collar
is available now!

Find Your Path. Own Your Future. Build a Prosperous, Meaningful and Joyous Life.

*** KIRKUS REVIEWS - Receiver of The Kirkus STAR **\\*

www.WhatDoIDoAfterHighSchool.com

Distributed through Amazon.com, The Ingram Content Group, and your local bookstore.

Conclusion

Your teen does not need a perfect plan. They need an honest, specific, written one: a few pages they will actually use. Start small. Pick three goals, write them the SMART way, map what each one needs, and work the plan for the first goal this week.

Then sit down once a month, celebrate what got done, and adjust what did not. Write the plan. Work the plan. Revise the plan as they grow.

As I wrote in the book: Once you get the taste for achieving the first goal, nothing will stand between you and the rest.

Footnotes

1 Matthews, Gail. "The Impact of Commitment, Accountability, and Written Goals on Goal Achievement." Paper presented at the 9th Annual International Conference of the Psychology of Health, Immunity, and Disease, Dominican University of California, 2015.

2 Doran, George T. "There's a S.M.A.R.T. Way to Write Management's Goals and Objectives." Management Review 70, no. 11 (1981): 35-36.

3 Locke, Edwin A., and Gary P. Latham. A Theory of Goal Setting and Task Performance. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall, 1990.

Hashtags

#WhatDoIDoAfterHighSchool, #LifeMasterPlan, #GoalSetting, #CareerPlanning, #ParentingTeens

About the Author: Oreste J. D'Aversa (O-res-tee DA-versa), CPC is a Certified Professional Coach with more than 20 years of experience helping young people and businesses find their path and own their future. He is the author of What Do I Do After High School? White Collar, Blue Collar or No Collar and the founder of multiple coaching and consulting practices serving the Greater Philadelphia region. Connect at WhatDoIDoAfterHighSchool.com, CollegeMajorCoaching.com, and PhillyBusinessServices.com, or contact him directly at odaversa@PhillyBusinessServices.com.

submitted by /u/odaversa
[link] [comments]
" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "Looking for career guidance\u2014seeking resources to find a professional career coach/counselor", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1x6zuf5/looking_for_career_guidanceseeking_resources_to/", "author": "/u/Creepy_Monk_5945", "date": "2026-10-15T22:42:02+00:00", "content": "

I have always considered mathematics and Science to be two of my strongest subjects, and I am interested in pursuing a career in engineering. However, I am still unsure which branch of engineering would be the best fit for my skills, interests, and future career goals. I would like to choose a field that offers good earning potential, strong career opportunities, and long-term job security. Another important factor for me is that I would prefer a career that does not involve coding or computer programming. I would appreciate guidance on the different types of engineering, the skills and qualifications required for each, and which options would best suit my strengths while allowing me to achieve my financial and professional goals.

submitted by /u/Creepy_Monk_5945
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "Cautious advice to the under 30s, avoid \"escaping\" as much as possible.", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1x6smnp/cautious_advice_to_the_under_30s_avoid_escaping/", "author": "/u/BigPensive", "date": "2026-10-15T17:55:07+00:00", "content": "

I sit here at 34, at a crossroad that is painful. It is necessary now, but was easily avoidable.

Escaping into partying, partners, and gaming to cover a hole that was never going to be filled by anything but self-actualization; I never truly sat long enough through those uncomfortable moments with my feelings and desires.

It would be easy to blame my self-centered parents, of which I had three (divorce, I have more of a family bush than a tree). Or the coaches in my life that only knew how to inspire through fear.

All the perceived wrongdoing in my life should have lit an insatiable fire. Instead, I used it like a pilot light that I would only turn up when I was over-satiated on my hedonism.

You and only you, know what is truly worth pursuing.

Sure, I got very good at what I am doing for a career. I've had multiple lives, including an opportunity to play football at a high level. I pursued women recklessly. And in between those fleeting experiences, instead of asking myself the right questions, acknowledging the fear, and choosing my passion, I numbed myself with the partying, gaming, and doing what I thought was a good compromise between the stability my father wanted for me and my creative instincts.

I've now lost touch with a majority of those so-called friends I made along the way. Never truly reached the potential I saw within me.

It is only my timid fears that is truly to blame.

My life, and your life, is not done. But, try to fail faster before it becomes a arduous, mid-life saga of finding what is YOUR purpose and meaning to life.

submitted by /u/BigPensive
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "Trouble finding a career", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1x5g5lm/trouble_finding_a_career/", "author": "/u/Which_Set_930", "date": "2026-10-14T02:48:48+00:00", "content": "

22 with a BS in business management. I have a good job on paper and no clue what I actually want to do. Hoping for advice from anyone who's been here.

Where I'm at
I work full time at an IT company. I won\u2019t get into the specifics but the pay, culture, and flexibility are great. The work is not. The industry/business I\u2019m in is so complex that it would take 5+ years to truly understand. I also never wanted to go into the specific industry I\u2019m in, it\u2019s just the only job I landed. I\u2019m also not sure if I don\u2019t like the job because of the role itself being difficult or because I don\u2019t care about software. Anyways, I don't think spending 5 years on something I never wanted to do is a sound plan, even though the pay and job opportunities are pretty good. I\u2019ll probably stay a few years, then leave.

Background

- Never had a big passion growing up, although my childhood dream was orthodontist, but my mom (a dental assistant) talked me out of it with stories of burned-out dentists and crushing debt. I can't afford that route now but lately I\u2019ve been regretful for not becoming a dentist because I\u2019ve always had an interest in teeth and I think I could do well in that job environment.

- As a kid I made bracelets and trinkets and sold them to classmates. I made a ridiculous amount of money for an elementary schooler. This is what pushed me to purse a business degree.

- I tried MIS and finance as other major but it was too technical for me and I had no interest in it.

- Most of my past experience is in sales. I didn't love it and I'm not sure why.

- I love all things beauty and self care

What I know about myself
- Strong communication and adaptable

- I like talking to people (for the most part)

- I want to be an expert at something.

- I work best with clear expectations and standards. My current role is ambiguous and strategic, and I'm learning that drains me.

- I have few hard skills and worry soft skills aren't enough

My questions

  1. How do I find the right corporate field when nothing jumps out?
  2. Are there any quizzes or courses actually worth taking?
  3. Is a career coach worth the money?
  4. How do you become an "expert" at something when you're starting from zero?

Honestly feeling lost and like I have nothing to offer. Feel free to ask my questions, offer advice, or your own "I had no idea what I wanted either" stories. Thanks! :)

submitted by /u/Which_Set_930
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "Taking the Leap: Chasing a Dream I Was Afraid to Follow", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1x59x9t/taking_the_leap_chasing_a_dream_i_was_afraid_to/", "author": "/u/Sirbear0701", "date": "2026-10-13T21:54:15+00:00", "content": "

Hi, im M/36 and i wanted to share my story in hopes it can inspire someone else, im not looking for anything but the opportunity to share. A few years ago, I found myself at a crossroads in my life.

I had a good career at a good company. I was good at what I did, I was moving up the corporate ladder, and from the outside, things probably looked pretty great. But if I was being honest with myself, I wasn't happy.

Anyone who knows me closely knows that I've struggled with my mental health for a long time. And although I had done everything I could to mend those broken parts of myself, there was still something missing. I couldn't find any real passion for the career I had built. And boy, did I try.

For most of my life, I've had one dream: to be a professional artist.

But the truth is, I was afraid. Afraid of failing at something I loved so much. Afraid of discovering that maybe I wasn't good enough. So instead, I always stayed on the fringe of that dream.

I created art as a hobby, and sometimes that hobby even made me a little money. But it was never about the money. It was about how creating made me feel. That feeling of bringing something to life, of getting lost in a project for hours, of making something that started as nothing more than an idea in my head. That's what truly lit me up. That's when I felt the most like myself.

Meanwhile, I was advancing in my career, climbing the corporate ladder, earning more money, and slowly getting caught up in all of it. I justified it by telling myself, "Well, at least I'll have more money to support my hobbies as an artist."

It sounded reasonable at the time.

But when I finally reached that crossroads, I realized something that really hurt.

It had been months since I had seriously created anything.

I felt like my job was slowly killing that creative part of me. Or, perhaps more accurately, I was allowing that part of myself to die.

And that realization caused me a lot of mental anguish.

I've always been a creative person. Creativity wasn't just something I did in my spare time; it was a huge part of who I was. It had even helped me succeed in my previous careers. Yet somehow, along the way, I had pushed it so far into the background that I barely recognized myself anymore.

Eventually, it all came crashing down.

I hit a wall. I was utterly depressed, and some of those dark thoughts from my past began creeping back in. Thankfully, I was able to see my doctor and take some time away from work.

For the first time in years, I had a real break from a demanding career that I had given so much of myself to.

The first couple of weeks were slow. Honestly, they were mostly about resting, recovering, and trying to find the energy to move forward.

I started meeting with a life coach, trying to reconnect with the person I used to be before I got so caught up in everything else.

And during that time, something happened.

I started drawing again.

Nothing crazy at first. Just picking up a pencil, creating things, and slowly rediscovering that feeling I had missed so much.

Little by little, my motivation started coming back. I began finding pieces of myself that I thought I had lost.

And as I started feeling more like myself again, I began asking some difficult questions.

What am I going to do to make sure this doesn't happen again?

The thought of returning to my job filled me with anxiety, sometimes even panic. I genuinely didn't know if I could go back.

But what was the alternative? Leave and find the same kind of job at another company? Start climbing that ladder all over again?

Would anything really change?

Then one day, I had a conversation with my sister that would end up changing the direction of my life.

She reminded me of something I had spent years trying to convince myself wasn't realistic.

"You've always wanted to be a 3D artist, working in movies and video games. You've tried going back to school twice over the last decade, but you never saw it through."

And that's when I asked myself a question.

What if this time, I actually saw it through?

What if I stopped being afraid of failing and actually gave myself a real chance?

Could I really achieve that dream I'd carried with me for most of my life?

This time, something felt different.

Maybe it was because I had reached a point where I felt like I had nothing left to lose. Maybe it was because I finally understood what continuing down the same path was costing me.

Whatever it was, I knew I couldn't keep doing what I had been doing.

So I took the leap.

I left behind a stable career, a good salary, and the comfort of something I knew I was good at.

And I enrolled in a two-year program to pursue my dream of becoming a 3D artist.

I'm not going to pretend those two years were always easy. There were challenges, frustrations, moments of doubt, and plenty of times when I questioned whether I was good enough.

But there was also something I hadn't felt in a very long time.

Passion.

I was genuinely excited to learn. I wanted to get better. I wanted to push myself creatively, improve my skills, and see just how far I could go.

Over those two years, I grew tremendously, not just as an artist, but as a person.

I realized that this was the kind of work that truly inspired me. And although it could be incredibly difficult at times, those challenges felt different. I was working toward something that actually meant something to me.

For the first time in a long time, I wasn't just working toward the next promotion or paycheck.

I was working toward a dream.

And eventually, after two years of hard work, long hours, and countless projects, I graduated at the top of my class.

Something I don't think the version of me from a few years ago would have ever believed possible.

And now, here I am.

In just a few days, I'll be starting my very first professional job in the 3D industry, working on an animated film.

Even writing those words feels a little surreal.

For so much of my life, this was something I dreamed about but never truly believed I could achieve. I spent years watching other people do the things I wanted to do, convincing myself that maybe it just wasn't meant for me.

But I finally gave myself a chance.

I know this is just the beginning. I have so much more to learn, so much room to grow, and I know there will be plenty of challenges ahead.

But this time, I'm looking forward to them.

I'm proud of how far I've come, not just professionally, but personally. I'm proud that I found the courage to walk away from something comfortable to pursue something that genuinely makes me happy.

And most of all, I'm proud that I finally followed through on a promise I had made to myself so many years ago.

I didn't give up on that dream. I just took a little longer to find the courage to chase it.

hope his helps someone find thier path and just know its possible with time, no matter how old you are. Cheers. NTK

submitted by /u/Sirbear0701
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "Are career coach worth it?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1x4igad/are_career_coach_worth_it/", "author": "/u/Flashy-Lawyer-7537", "date": "2026-10-13T00:24:29+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m not even going to lie, getting a master degree from nyu and still can\u2019t find even an entry level job after 6 months got me desperate, I met a career coach through some connections and he was extremely nice and we clicked, but he\u2019s quote are quite pricy normally like $4800 for a package of 6 months, he did mention that he could work w me for free or just very small amount since I definitely don\u2019t have that money now and he knows it, but idk what to do in this case lol, need some unbiased opinions please! Thanks!

submitted by /u/Flashy-Lawyer-7537
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "What to do when lacking vocation, objectives, motivation?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1x2yawr/what_to_do_when_lacking_vocation_objectives/", "author": "/u/DevlynLibervulp", "date": "2026-10-11T03:57:09+00:00", "content": "

G'day, Colombian 22YO male. Just finished subjects in a B.A. in Foreign Languages, (C1 in English and French, B1 in Portuguese) that will turn me into a teacher, experiencing delays in getting the diploma because of the thesis. Supervising professor is kinda absent and her help could be really useful in order to have to make the least changes once finished, but it's on its way to be finished by next year... Dedicacting time to that is not allowing me to work full-time, besides the fact that hiring in this city is not easy. It's one of those people only come to study and then can't offer much job for its own graduates, but that's another story.

The thing is that I have screwed the decision of career choice, for which I had signs alongside the career, and then as a practitioner life was hell. I definitely hate children, their parents, the unpaid hours a teacher spends planning classes, dessining materials and checking exams and homeworks. So the diploma is more of a key for freedom and finishing than a motivation, once obtained, what?

I chose this career because Compared Grammar, which is one of the departing points of modern linguistics, was interesting, anf thought of myself soing a Master, teaching at college and so... But after teaching several publics (from 4 to 50 years old) I discovered that it is a nightmare no matter what. The other option was becoming an academic researcher, but after attending several events, being stuck with this thesis, and seeing how intrascendent academic research in Applied linguistics are, I have no desire of being locked doing so, even if public universities give you way better salaries the more you publish.

As for being a school teacher, beyond the mentioned problems, many governments have passed without new tests for entering public school positions (a strike will happen because of that) so my peers are entering a market in which only private schools and those spam academies for learning languages are the available options, offering terrible salaries and exploiting them... I prefer a non-qualified job rather than teaching.

I had thought of becoming a social sciences teacher (then professor) or a historian in the past, but family pressed for languages. Nowadays I see they carry the same issues that my current career have, so they are not an option anymore. Not only because if this but because I would hate to see geopolitics and history, my last hobbie turned into hell and because other five years in college would be a bigger waste than my current career was.

Alongside the career I really notice how much I hate offices and everything inside of them such as desktop computers, printing machines, proyectors, Excel and all of that, and after the pandemic, this applies to working from home, which is way precarious and stability-lacking (not enough time hired for building CV). That technology has ruined my practicum project presentation... I hate it with every cell of my body, the same ways as teaching. The same goes to facing customers, I experienced that with parents and their little beasts.

The one I truly wanted was commercial pilot, becuase I do love airplanes, studying them, their history, their safety doctrines, and so... The thing is Keratoconus which, as a bad joke, I was diagnosed ten years ago when I started studying as much of aviation I could gather as a civilian without any link to any institution in the industry. My eyesight won't ever reach 20/20 again, and the contact lenses that I require are both expensive and my eyes could not handle them given a huge sensitivity that turned them red, requiring anesthesia only for being able to test them. Besides in the long term they may have to perform that surgery in which a ring will be placed on my cornea, which, according to their rules, makes somebody inappropriate for being a pilot (RAC 67, Aerocivil). I haven't undergone the medical examination but contacted some qualified doctors to ask if I could have a chance, and they pretty clear by saying it was impossible, and even for becoming a cabin crew member it would be complex, since the remaining of the salary would only go to pay those lenses I would have to change every year...

I cannot see myself doing anything else, not because I am idealizing it. I know how much crap pilots eat during the formation. their first years at regional carriers (see Colgan Air 3407), how fragile the industry is (COVID), etc... I knew it would have been pretty hard only to pay the tuition. I was willing to go abroad, start over, whatever ethical mean possible... But I don't even have the right to dream of it and working blindly towards that objective (without definitive warranty), since I have already proved myself as a failure even before I started... That still shatters my heart after three years of hearing it. And after researching accidents I even think of myself as a fool for thinking that I coukd handle such level of expertise (if my health had allowed so). I know there are more jobs in the industry, but it's not the same... Especially the many performed in an office, which is equivalent to hell.

I am a furry, I upload a drawing of my doing every week, but only living the fandom throughout the screen makes me think my life is empty and fake, since furmeets (tiny events) do not happen in my region and only going and returning would consume ten hours. So I do not have IRL friends. My previous attempts for being open and socializing ended up terribly wrong and couldn't actually connect with people. It is not just a matter of talking to the very first person I see, that is not enough. That's why meeting others like me may be good but it is not in my immediate possibilities. Of course, my family doesn't know it because that is way too risky and I cannot dissapear a whole weekend. So I am lonely, and my creativity for drawing is getting drained. I wouldn't make commissions because turning this into a job would be a nightmare of instability and staying in front of the computer the whole day... Because it's not a thing I can force, it must flow...

I wrestle but in this region the league ceased existing after the pandemic so I cannot compete, I have been doing it for a year because the last coach doesn't give up his favorite sport despite me being his only constant student/customer. But time for training is pretty limited, infrastructure as well, and I don't have any constant peers... I would have to move to another city for even having a prospect of competition, if as a miracle a coach accepts me, since while asking in the capital, most of them say they only accept teenagers. A man my age as at leats six years of experience, while I barely have a year in an environment that I cannot push forward. I am doomed and losing my time but it's a mildy relaxing thing I can make around the week andit keeps me physically healthy... So that is another non-feasible objective.

I lack any other hobbies, nature lost its ability to impress me after years of hiking in our moorlands, traveling was appealing but the idea of doing so is currently fatigating (so a travel must be exclusively functional such as moving somewhere else for work), family is not a good company (the festivities of finishing the year are hellish and getting away from them is the best thing), neither were my peers in college and school.

My peers in college applied to a Master in education in Poitiers that I rejected because of what I said about it (and because of the fact it's paid with debt). I do not dream of living abroad and wouldn't without a good reason to do so (such as getting the pilot's license, since it costs around 80.000 dollars almost everywhere and the crumbs of a salary in Europe are bigger than the ones I can get here, even when both realities are precarious), but I lack a reason to try such a thing now that I can't find a target job, hence an education to fulfill and then perform there...

So here I am, alone but surrounded by people, single, defective, a failure lacking any feasible objectives, passions, areas of knowledge to apply in a job, areas of knowledge that awake my curiosity and I want to learn and then work out of. And the clock counting for the moment when college is over to start doing crap but having nowhere to star. What can I do?

(If you want to recommend careers: No more college for careers, only short programs; no offices; no home office; no direct contact customers; no more teaching; no more academic research)

submitted by /u/DevlynLibervulp
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "I feel stuck in the service industry and have no idea what career to pivot into. What would you do in my position?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1x2a61x/i_feel_stuck_in_the_service_industry_and_have_no/", "author": "/u/Secret_Rise_5813", "date": "2026-10-10T08:35:39+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019ve been working in the service industry since I was 19, and I\u2019m at a point where I genuinely don\u2019t know what to do with my life anymore.
Over the years, I\u2019ve worked at several high-profile establishments and held just about every position you can think of. My original goal was to work my way up to a high-end serving position where I could make good money, live comfortably with my partner, and eventually afford a house. I live in a major tourist city, so making six figures as a server seemed like a realistic goal.
At my current job, I worked my ass off with the intention of getting promoted to server. The servers here make over $100k a year, so naturally, that became my goal as soon as I got hired.
The problem is that I\u2019ve come to the conclusion that management has no intention of giving me that opportunity.
Now, I understand that it\u2019s possible I\u2019m doing something wrong or that there are areas where I need to improve. I\u2019m not trying to act like I\u2019m perfect or that I\u2019m automatically entitled to a promotion. I\u2019ve actually asked management multiple times to coach me, give me feedback, and tell me what I need to work on to become a server. I\u2019ve never received any meaningful direction or clear answers.
At this point, I honestly think management either doesn\u2019t like me or has already decided I\u2019m not good enough, regardless of how hard I work.
The workplace itself is also incredibly toxic. I can handle all the side work and closing duties by myself while other coworkers stand around doing nothing, and somehow management still comes to me to ask for more work instead of addressing the people who are wasting time. I\u2019ve busted my ass trying to prove myself, and it feels like the harder I work, the more work gets dumped on me without any actual opportunity for advancement.
I\u2019m not looking to make this entire post about complaining about my current job, though. The bigger issue is that I feel like the future I\u2019ve been working toward is slipping away, and I have no idea what to do next.
I\u2019m in my mid-20s, engaged, have a new truck, and live in a decent apartment. On paper, I\u2019m doing okay. But with the cost of living, my current income, and the uncertainty of ever getting that promotion, I genuinely don\u2019t see how I\u2019m supposed to get ahead financially or ever afford a home.
I\u2019ve looked into other serving jobs, but the job market is rough, and I haven\u2019t been able to find anything that offers the same earning potential. I feel like I\u2019m stuck choosing between staying somewhere I\u2019m miserable and potentially taking a pay cut somewhere else.
I\u2019ve also considered going back to school, but that opens up an entirely different can of worms.
What would I even study? I\u2019m relatively smart and creative, but I\u2019m not particularly interested in blue-collar work. I\u2019ve even considered barber school, which is something that genuinely interests me, but I\u2019ve never picked up a pair of clippers in my life, and the idea of starting over in an entirely unfamiliar industry is intimidating.
The hardest part is that I don\u2019t feel like I have many realistic options that could eventually replace what I make now. Walking away from a decent income to spend years retraining for a career that might not even pay well feels like a huge risk, especially when I have a fianc\u00e9 and financial responsibilities.
I know I\u2019m still young, and I know plenty of people have successfully changed careers. I\u2019m not expecting to become rich overnight. I just want a career with room for growth, financial stability, and a realistic path toward owning a home without having to sacrifice my happiness to get there.
For those of you who have left the service industry or completely changed careers in your 20s, what did you transition into?
Would you stick it out and keep trying to land a better serving job, go back to school for a specific career, learn a trade, or take a chance on something entirely different?
If you were in my position, what would you do? I\u2019m genuinely looking for advice from people who\u2019ve been in a similar situation because right now, I feel completely stuck.

submitted by /u/Secret_Rise_5813
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "career change", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1wuxai1/career_change/", "author": "/u/Jata1987", "date": "2026-10-01T11:46:19+00:00", "content": "

Hi everyone! not sure if this is allowed here, hope so - as a lot of people here are trying to do, I am also starting to take my passion more seriously and have started my Career Manifestation Coaching business. This is based on my own experience and helping a few women in my circle manifesting the jobs they wanted and very significant salary increases or a completely different lifestyle, but I am trying to assess the market size and how to best reach more women and would love your input. I am based in the UK.

  1. Have you heard of manifestation and have you ever tried to use it to get the job/role/career you want?

  2. Has anyone started a coaching business before and how did you continue to grow clients after the first couple through mouth to mouth?

I genuinely want to help other women and i feel a deep pull towards this so I am trying to see how to best approach it. thank you so much

submitted by /u/Jata1987
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "33M, former athlete, no bachelor\u2019s degree, looking to completely change careers \u2014 where should I start?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1wtgbus/33m_former_athlete_no_bachelors_degree_looking_to/", "author": "/u/jdm95ls", "date": "2026-09-29T17:25:49+00:00", "content": "

Hi all!

I\u2019m 33 and I\u2019m at a point where I\u2019m seriously thinking about changing careers, but I\u2019m honestly not sure what direction to take.

My background is almost entirely in soccer. I played soccer when I was younger and have spent the last several years working as a coach. I currently work as a Youngers Director for a soccer club, managing teams and coaches and helping with player development and club operations.

I\u2019ve gained a lot of experience with leadership, communication, organization, managing people, problem-solving, and dealing with different personalities, but I don\u2019t have a bachelor\u2019s degree.

I\u2019m starting to feel like I need to build a more stable long-term career outside of soccer. I\u2019m willing to go back to school, get certifications, learn a trade, or start at an entry-level position if there is a realistic path to building a solid career.

One option I\u2019ve been thinking about is becoming a firefighter. I like the idea of teamwork, having a clear career path, being active, and doing something meaningful. But I\u2019m not sure how realistic it is to start at 33 or how competitive the process is. I'm in SoCal

I\u2019m also considering completely different fields and would love to hear suggestions from people who have been in a similar situation.

If you were 33, had no bachelor\u2019s degree, and had a background mainly in coaching/management, what career paths would you seriously look into?

I\u2019m not looking to become rich overnight. I\u2019m looking for something with decent earning potential, stability, benefits, and room to grow over the next 10\u201320 years.

Thank you all!

submitted by /u/jdm95ls
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "43 years old, out of work for 20 months, I have absolutely no idea how to get going again.", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1wt87qw/43_years_old_out_of_work_for_20_months_i_have/", "author": "/u/Fantastic-Speech-438", "date": "2026-09-29T12:01:04+00:00", "content": "

Background: degree in communications, masters in political communication. Worked in something unrelated (finance) for three years pre-masters, as well as doing a year abroad teaching English in South Korea post-masters. Really loved my subject so enrolled in a PhD programme at the same uni I did my masters at and did that for four years, but sadly burned out after realising that I did not want to work in academia any more and dropped out of the programme.

I was unemployed for six months but then managed to land a decent-paying job in the wine industry, so did that for four years. But then my wife wanted to move back to her home country (Spain) so I left my job and we moved there in late 2019.

Covid hit and I was out of work for nearly a year, but I did an English-teaching certificate in the meantime and then worked for two years in various English academies in Spain, which to be honest I hated. I then finally managed to find a communications-related role as an editorial director for a publishing company, but the role was low-paid and the company terrible to work for.

I got laid off in February 2025 and have hit rock bottom. I\u2019ve not had any interviews for anything I\u2019ve applied for since then, and now have depression to the level that everyday tasks are a struggle.

I really have no idea how to get out of this hole. Counselling? Life / career coach? I\u2019ve been working on some podcast / YouTube stuff related to my unfinished PhD with some old academic colleagues, but this doesn\u2019t pay the bills. I\u2019ve started to lose interest in my usual hobbies (reading, films, cycling) which I know is a warning sign for progressing depression.

Anyone else here struggling with a similar mid-career slump, and also have a mixed bag of work experience?

submitted by /u/Fantastic-Speech-438
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "I\u2019m completely confused about what career I should choose. What would you do in my situation?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1wsgnpp/im_completely_confused_about_what_career_i_should/", "author": "/u/ininearth", "date": "2026-09-28T14:49:20+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m 19M from India, and honestly, I\u2019m exhausted and confused about what direction to take.

I completed higher secondary in 2025. After school, I spent nearly a year preparing at a Merchant Navy coaching centre, eventually securing a rank and now looking for DNS sponsorship. But I\u2019m no longer sure I want to pursue it. I like the travel, meeting new people, and earning potential, but I\u2019m not sure I want the lifestyle, risks, and sacrifices that come with it.

I\u2019m more interested in computers, travel, technology, business, and entrepreneurship. I\u2019m also very ambitious financially. I want to become financially independent and eventually build serious wealth. I know there\u2019s no guaranteed path to becoming rich, and I\u2019m not looking for a get-rich-quick scheme. I\u2019m willing to spend 10\u201320 years building skills, gaining experience, taking calculated risks, and possibly starting businesses.

Since I\u2019m from a middle-class family, affordability is important. I also want a flexible degree that allows me to pivot into different fields rather than locking me into one career. Ideally, I\u2019d like to build skills and experience in India first and keep the option of moving abroad later.

Social media makes this even more confusing. There are endless people selling courses and claiming that certain skills or businesses will make you rich. I don\u2019t know what advice is actually realistic.

So, if you were 19\u201320, from a middle-class family in India, interested in anything and business, and wanted to build serious wealth long-term, what would you do?

What would you study? What skills would you build? Would you focus on getting a good job first and then move into business? And which career paths give you enough flexibility to change direction later?

I really don\u2019t want to waste another few years going inthe wrong direction, so I\u2019d genuinely appreciate advice from people who haveI\u2019m completely confused about what career I should choose. What would you do in my situation?

submitted by /u/ininearth
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "I\u2019m completely confused about what career I should choose. What would you do in my situation?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1wsfif9/im_completely_confused_about_what_career_i_should/", "author": "/u/ininearth", "date": "2026-09-28T14:04:01+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m 19M from India, and honestly, I\u2019m exhausted and confused about what direction to take.

I completed higher secondary in 2025. After school, I spent nearly a year preparing at a Merchant Navy coaching centre, eventually securing a rank and now looking for DNS sponsorship. But I\u2019m no longer sure I want to pursue it. I like the travel, meeting new people, and earning potential, but I\u2019m not sure I want the lifestyle, risks, and sacrifices that come with it.

I\u2019m more interested in computers, travel, technology, business, and entrepreneurship. I\u2019m also very ambitious financially. I want to become financially independent and eventually build serious wealth. I know there\u2019s no guaranteed path to becoming rich, and I\u2019m not looking for a get-rich-quick scheme. I\u2019m willing to spend 10\u201320 years building skills, gaining experience, taking calculated risks, and possibly starting businesses.

Since I\u2019m from a middle-class family, affordability is important. I also want a flexible degree that allows me to pivot into different fields rather than locking me into one career. Ideally, I\u2019d like to build skills and experience in India first and keep the option of moving abroad later.

Social media makes this even more confusing. There are endless people selling courses and claiming that certain skills or businesses will make you rich. I don\u2019t know what advice is actually realistic.

So, if you were 19\u201320, from a middle-class family in India, interested in anything and business, and wanted to build serious wealth long-term, what would you do?

What would you study? What skills would you build? Would you focus on getting a good job first and then move into business? And which career paths give you enough flexibility to change direction later?

I really don\u2019t want to waste another few years going inthe wrong direction, so I\u2019d genuinely appreciate advice from people who haveI\u2019m completely confused about what career I should choose. What would you do in my situation?

submitted by /u/ininearth
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "Made several career decisions without proper guidance. Now I\u2019m 21 and completely confused", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1wrcb0l/made_several_career_decisions_without_proper/", "author": "/u/Yuta_okkotsu17", "date": "2026-09-27T05:57:57+00:00", "content": "

Hey everyone, I\u2019m 21M, and I\u2019m posting this because I\u2019m genuinely confused about my career and don\u2019t know what direction I should take.

I\u2019ll give you some background first.

I scored 87% in 10th and took PCM with Computer Science in 12th, mainly because most of my friends were choosing it. I scored around 80% in 12th. I would say I\u2019m an average student.

I never really wanted to do engineering, so I didn\u2019t prepare for JEE. I appeared for CUET UG but didn\u2019t score well because I hadn\u2019t prepared properly. I got a DU college through the spot round, but it was an off-campus college and the course was something related to Applied Mathematics, which I wasn\u2019t interested in. So I decided not to take it.

I also didn\u2019t want to waste a year, so one of my friends suggested doing BCA from IGNOU. He told me that IT would have good opportunities in the future. Without doing proper research, I took admission.

After around 6 months, I started feeling that I had made a mistake. The biggest problem is that no one in my family is highly educated, so I never really had anyone who could guide me about careers or higher education.

In 2023, while pursuing BCA, I started teaching students at a coaching centre to earn some money. Initially, I was earning around \u20b96,000/month for 3 hours of work, and at that age, I felt like it was a huge amount. \ud83d\ude05 I thought about all the things I could buy with it.

I continued there for around 2 years, but my income only increased from \u20b96k to around \u20b910k/month. Then one day, the owner suddenly removed me without giving me any notice.

After that, I started home tuition, which I\u2019m still doing. Currently, I earn around \u20b913k/month for 2 hours of teaching.

During those two years of teaching, I was also trying different things. I learned C, C++, Python, DSA, SQL, Excel, Power BI, etc. I applied for internships and jobs, but my resume never seemed to get shortlisted.

After struggling for around a year, I gave up on coding and started preparing for government exams. I spent another 6\u20138 months preparing for them, but eventually left that as well.

Then I joined a 7-month Data Analyst course from an institute that promised placement. I completed the course, but they didn't provide the placement they had promised. I applied for Data Analyst jobs afterward too, but again, I couldn't get my resume shortlisted.

Later, I started thinking that maybe doing an MCA from a regular college would improve my career opportunities. So I appeared for CUET PG, but I only scored 108/300 after preparing for around one month, and honestly, I wasn't consistent with my preparation.

Now I've completed my BCA, and I'm completely confused about what to do next.

I have around 5 months before the next CUET PG, but there are only around 12 General-category seats for MCA at the college/university I'm targeting.

So I have a few questions:

  1. Is it realistic for me to score well in CUET PG within 5 months if I seriously prepare this time?

  2. Should I spend these 5 months preparing for MCA, considering the limited number of seats?

  3. Or should I focus on getting any job around \u20b920k\u201325k/month, gain experience, and try to grow from there?

  4. Should I give government exams another serious attempt?

  5. If you were in my situation, what factors would you consider before making this decision?

I know I\u2019ve made quite a few decisions without proper research, and I don't want to repeat the same mistake again.

I'm not looking for motivation or a \u201cfollow your passion\u201d type of answer. I genuinely want practical advice from people who have been through something similar.

Please be honest, even if the answer is harsh. I just want some clarity about what would make the most sense from here.

submitted by /u/Yuta_okkotsu17
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "Is it just me, or does everyone feel confused about their career at 24?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1wp7uh8/is_it_just_me_or_does_everyone_feel_confused/", "author": "/u/lowkeyspiraling04", "date": "2026-09-24T17:25:02+00:00", "content": "

​

I\u2019m 24 and I honestly have no idea what the hell I want to do with my career.

I recently completed my MBA in HR & Finance, so sometimes I think, okay, I should just go into HR. But then I start thinking about the fact that I don\u2019t have much practical experience or strong HR skills yet, and I get confused all over again.

Then there are days when I think maybe I should try teaching in coaching institutes like Adda247 or PW. Other days I think I should just find a remote job and start working from home.

The problem is that I keep jumping between these options without actually knowing what I genuinely want. I\u2019ll feel interested in one path for a few days, then start questioning it and look at another option.

It\u2019s honestly frustrating because I\u2019m 24 and I feel like I should have some direction by now. Instead, I feel like I\u2019m standing in the middle of five different roads, overthinking which one to take.

Does anyone else feel this way at 24? How did you figure out what career path you actually wanted?

submitted by /u/lowkeyspiraling04
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "What fields can a intro-extroverted individual get into after pursuing b.com", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1wp7r9w/what_fields_can_a_introextroverted_individual_get/", "author": "/u/Laudalasanamdulla", "date": "2026-09-24T17:21:42+00:00", "content": "

Hey, I\u2019m a 20-year-old B.Com graduate, football athlete, and currently working part-time as a football coach.

I pursued B.Com because I wanted to balance my education with my football career, and coaching has also given me valuable experience working with people, managing groups, communicating effectively, and taking responsibility.

I\u2019ve always felt that my strengths lie more in **people management, communication, leadership, and building relationships** than in the finance side of commerce. I get along well with people, enjoy working in teams, and am comfortable taking initiative and managing different situations.

I\u2019m currently looking to explore opportunities in the corporate sector and understand where my skills and experience could fit best. Since I\u2019m transitioning from a sports and coaching background into corporate, I\u2019m particularly interested in understanding what career paths or roles could be a good fit for me and how I can make that transition.

submitted by /u/Laudalasanamdulla
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "\u201cNot This Anymore\u201d Came Long Before \u201cWhat Next?\u201d", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1wp2601/not_this_anymore_came_long_before_what_next/", "author": "/u/NataliiaRastehaieva", "date": "2026-09-24T13:49:38+00:00", "content": "

I am 53 years old, with over 20 years of corporate experience, mostly at one of the largest telecom companies, where I grew from a specialist into a leader of major cross-functional projects. I\u2019m not sure if people still do that sort of thing these days \ud83d\ude42

It was a good job: stable, with all the corporate perks and plenty of opportunities for personal and career growth. For a long time, I was certain I would retire from that very company. But six years ago, I quit without knowing what would come next.

Looking back, I realize I probably should have left a few years before I actually did. But realizing that now is not the same as having been ready to do it back then.

For a long time, I tried to understand what exactly was wrong: where the exhaustion, lack of interest, and irritation with colleagues were coming from. Performance reports still confirmed that I was effective, but I knew that if I didn\u2019t change something, I was going to break down. I changed roles, looked for other opportunities, worked with coaches and psychologists, and kept trying to turn the situation around.

Quitting felt like giving up the fight. And I didn\u2019t want to leave thinking that perhaps I simply hadn\u2019t tried hard enough.

By the time I finally quit, the COVID pandemic had just begun.

People were losing their jobs. No one knew what would happen next. It was probably one of the worst possible times to leave a stable corporate job.

At first, I burst into tears, as if something inside me had finally found a way out.

I remember the taxi ride home after quitting.

I was in such a good mood and talking so much that, at one point, the driver asked what had happened. I told him I had just quit my job.

He looked at me with a mix of admiration and confusion :)

And I understood him. From the outside, it didn\u2019t seem entirely logical.

But I felt relief. Not because everything suddenly became perfect.

It didn\u2019t.

Recovering from the state I had been in took much longer than I expected. And quitting didn\u2019t give me an instant answer to the question of what to do next.

But one thing had changed: I no longer wanted to go back.

Not to that company, and not to that kind of corporate life.

By then, I had changed. That life simply didn\u2019t suit me anymore.

That\u2019s why I\u2019m cautious about phrases like, \u201cYou already know what you need to do.\u201d

Sometimes we really do know. But knowing, readiness, and actual action don\u2019t always align in time.

The time between seeing something clearly and taking action isn\u2019t necessarily wasted time. Sometimes we need more information. Sometimes we need to try changing the situation first. And sometimes we simply aren\u2019t ready yet for everything that decision will change.

Have you ever reached a point where you knew \u201cnot this anymore,\u201d but still had no idea what should come next?

What helped you move from that stage to something more concrete?

submitted by /u/NataliiaRastehaieva
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "I feel so lost and useless", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1wgxfmo/i_feel_so_lost_and_useless/", "author": "/u/HighwayGlittering169", "date": "2026-09-15T11:14:32+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m not sure where else to write this, but I just need somewhere to say it anonymously.

I\u2019m a 20y/o male from the UK \ud83c\uddec\ud83c\udde7 who is unemployed and looking for a job, preferably in sport. I\u2019ll start off early say and I did great in high school, achieving good GCSEs, I then went on to college for two years studying sport development and coaching, which I also passed with flying colours. But since I finished that, my education and career life has been at a constant downhill. I got into university in September 2024 studying sport psychology, it got to January/February of 2025 and literally every single one of my friends that I made quit because they didn\u2019t enjoy the course, so I was on my own. I also didn\u2019t enjoy the course anywhere near as much and I started feeling so alone, so then quit as well. I looked for a job for the meantime (but I didn\u2019t manage to find any). I still wanted to go to university as I really enjoyed the atmosphere and the whole aspect of it, so I applied again at the same university to study sports science instead. Then September came around and it all started great, I made plenty of friends and I instantly realised that this course suited me much more. However, I did not realise that the SLC (students loan company) would not give me anywhere near enough of a maintenance loan to supply my needs which was nearly \u00a3800, I have my own car which I was paying \u00a3115 per month on insurance, roughly \u00a3200 on road tax, petrol money (28 miles worth a day, then roughly 40-50 on weekends), and then food, bills and other expenses. This quickly became a huge problem for me and I ended up not being able to make it in for many lessons and important modules due to not being able to afford petrol money, which eventually got me kicked out of university by December 2025. Now I owe over \u00a32000 to the SLC as soon as I\u2019m able to start paying. I still haven\u2019t told this news to any of my friends or family, they all think I am still studying there and that I do most of my work from home, and I just lie to my entire family that I go in 2 days a week\u2026 I am extremely embarrassed and ashamed of myself about it, I just wish I told them sooner about my issue, but now it feels too late.

Again, I would love to return to university, but I would personally have to fund my first year by myself. So I have been desperately trying to find a job since January now, I have never known anyone that has been job hunting for this long. I am so confused about it, I am well presented and I am an extremely polite person, I keep myself very fit and well groomed. I have also had work experience doing kitchen porting since I turned 16 up until I turned 18. I\u2019m not sure how relevant this is to put on my CV, but I have captained two football teams at the same time (playing Saturdays and Sundays) and led them to a league trophy each, I also won every player of the year award possible, which I\u2019m very proud of.

On a side note, I am also in a long distance relationship with a 21y/o girl from Finland \ud83c\uddeb\ud83c\uddee who I love so unconditionally. We met in may 2025 and nobody has ever made me feel this happy or appreciated. We wanted to see each other for a longer period of time, but we were both students for the majority of the time, until I got kicked out my university (she still is a student studying chemistry and mathematics). Come march 2026, I inherited some money from the unfortunate passing of my grandma, so I was able to fund a trip to go and see her for a couple of weeks, which occurred in August, this trip was the greatest time of my life so far. I seriously mean this, but if it wasn\u2019t for my girlfriend, I really don\u2019t know where I\u2019d be right now.

But back to the career side of my life, I have applied for countless jobs, I have changed my CV plenty of times, I\u2019ve even lied on it to even boost my chances of employment. Ive also landed a notable amount of interviews, but I think I\u2019ve just had horrible luck and I\u2019ve not got through any of them. The only \u201cjob\u201d I managed to get was Evri flex delivery driving, which I was barely even making a profit on for it to be sustainable. I got by before my grandmother\u2019s passing by reselling on Vinted, which I do enjoy, but I see it more as a hobby than something I can do longer term. I would much rather have a consistent and steady income rather than hoping and praying I make enough to pay my bills.

I currently would just want any job that is actually sustainable, but it just feels so impossible and I feel stuck. I want to make me, and my close ones proud, which I use to do so well.

Please if there any thoughts or questions that you could say, then please do. I think I need it

Thank you for reading \ud83d\ude4f

submitted by /u/HighwayGlittering169
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "Pivoting away from tech to a more fulfilling career, possibly in health/fitness?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1wcy6c0/pivoting_away_from_tech_to_a_more_fulfilling/", "author": "/u/No-Fly2435", "date": "2026-09-10T22:36:52+00:00", "content": "

Hi all, I\u2019m a 25F with her MS in Computer Science and I currently work for a large AI startup. I am extremely grateful especially in this economy that I have a job and that I get paid well and have all the amazing tech company benefits. I recently paid off all my student loans very early which feels amazing.

However, I HATE my job. Here is what I dislike:
\u2022 My job is remote-optional, and not many folks go into the office. If I do go into the office, I\u2019m still just on my computer. I am an extrovert, so working from home /
\u2022 I don\u2019t identify with anyone at my company who is in a leadership role. I am not passionate about AI or tech, and do not envy their lives which tells me that growing in this industry would not feel like success to me.
\u2022 Like many in AI right now, I find the work ethically questionable and this weighs on me quite heavily morally. I\u2019m also so disconnected from the actual output of my work which makes it hard for me to feel motivated
\u2022 I have so much trouble and feel exhausted sitting/standing at a desk all day looking at a screen.

Context about me: I\u2019m a naturally energetic and enthusiastic person. I am extremely fulfilled by helping people \u2014 I worked in grocery and serving in restaurants in HS and college which I LOVED because it was extremely gratifying to make someone\u2019s day and get to know regulars, etc. I\u2019m also a lifelong athlete and lifter and in college I began teaching group fitness. I still do it now part-time before work, and I can\u2019t overemphasize how much I love getting to encourage people and to help them get stronger and more confident in themselves.

I am hesitant due to how good my financial situation is now, but deep down I know I need to make likely a major pivot out of tech. What I\u2019m looking for in an ideal career:
\u2022 I know I want to be in-person and with people for the majority of my time at work.
\u2022 I know I want to do something that helps people
\u2022 I want science to be involved in my job in some way \u2014 I am a technical thinker and love applying research, etc. even in my group ex classes although in a career I\u2019d want this to be more front and center.
\u2022 My ideal career would have a path to owning my own business or being my own boss
\u2022 I do NOT want the majority of my time to be staring at a computer screen
\u2022 Ideally, I\u2019d still be able to have benefits, PTO, and enough salary to travel a bit (I do NOT live a lavish lifestyle and don\u2019t plan to, not really my personality so don\u2019t think an abnormally high salary like I have right now is a priority)

Some options I\u2019ve considered:
\u2022 Physical therapy \u2014 this is what I\u2019ve considered the most, but worried about how expensive school is compared to salary, and I\u2019d have to take many prerequisites which is hard to do while traveling with work, etc.
\u2022 Teaching \u2014 love the idea of mentoring people as my core job and have had such amazing teachers, but so underpaid and burnout rate so high
\u2022 Getting my PhD \u2014 would be interested in making AI more ethical? or math? but I don\u2019t love academia and I think it would be challenging to get funding for what im really interested in and it would mostly be a path to just be able to teach college students
\u2022 Building my personal training / coaching profile on the side \u2014 part of me is worried about making my passion/hobby my career\u2026 and hard to think about doing with so little time after working 8-6 almost every day, and I\u2019ve heard hard to scale

Any other careers that folks think I should consider? How would I know when it\u2019s the right time to pivot, or which direction to go given multiple interests? Keen to hear from anyone but especially interested if there\u2019s folks that worth in the health world that want to weigh in.

TIA for any and all thoughts or advice you all may have!!

submitted by /u/No-Fly2435
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "What Do I Do After High School? White Collar, Blue Collar, or No Collar Chapter 16 - What Will It Cost? The Real Financial Investment #WhatDoIDoAfterHighSchool #CareerCoach #AfterHighSchool #CollegeCost #EducationInvestment", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1w9tlvj/what_do_i_do_after_high_school_white_collar_blue/", "author": "/u/odaversa", "date": "2026-09-07T14:24:28+00:00", "content": "
\"What submitted by /u/odaversa
[link] [comments]
" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "Why am I such a lousy earner and what can I do to improve?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1w8jtx7/why_am_i_such_a_lousy_earner_and_what_can_i_do_to/", "author": "/u/HeftyBagOfDiarrhea", "date": "2026-09-06T02:35:09+00:00", "content": "

I lost my job again recently. I think I have to finally move on from being a UX designer. I started in 2016, in my early thirties, after spending weeks with a career coach and determining this was my calling - to simplify the complex to improve users\u2019 experience with technology. It was a hot career at the time, and with my dual major bachelor\u2019s degree in business administration and psychology, I thought I was particularly well-suited for it, despite not having the visual design background \u2013 much of UX is about (meeting business goals by) providing a more desirable and usable product for the user. I think I\u2019m finally being purged from this field, for a number of reasons.

A little background: I learned to read at age three, really without being taught, and was put in the gifted program in kindergarten. Over my 43 years, every intelligence or aptitude test I\u2019ve taken shows I\u2019m very bright and capable, but everyone I know is far higher-achieving than I am. I was the first in my family to go to college and graduated with honors, though I was just shy of thirty at the time. My family has always had a very defeatist outlook, assuming nothing will ever work out, so don\u2019t bother trying. I don\u2019t know where that attitude came from, but it is pervasive. For this reason, college wasn\u2019t pushed on my brother and me, because 1. my parents were always broke and college is expensive, and 2. the defeatism: you can\u2019t land a career you want, so why waste the money pursuing it? I remember when I was a little kid, saying to my mom that I wanted to be a doctor when I grow up and she responded, \u201coooh, that\u2019s a lot of schooling, are you sure?\u201d I don\u2019t know ma, I\u2019m five, why don\u2019t you just encourage me for now?

I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and was put on medication for it and I thought, \u201cfinally, I\u2019ll get some focus and get on an upward trajectory\u201d but no such luck.

I recently met with a possible mentor at the advice of my in-laws (who have lots of money, and are super disappointed in me), and he came away flummoxed: \u201cI don\u2019t know. You\u2019re bright and personable; you should be successful. I don\u2019t know what the solution is.\u201d I take solace in the fact that I\u2019m a really good husband and father but financially I can\u2019t seem to get out of neutral. I don\u2019t know what to do with myself, but I want to be more than just a cautionary tale for my kids. I want to figure out what I\u2019m doing wrong and correct it so I can be an example of what TO DO.

I\u2019m happy to answer any questions to try to unpack this and welcome any constructive feedback.

submitted by /u/HeftyBagOfDiarrhea
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "Help", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1w3s85g/help/", "author": "/u/reibeiaha", "date": "2026-08-31T21:50:00+00:00", "content": "

Hi guys, I'm currently a high school student in Canada, and I am worrying about my future! I love volleyball, but I don't plan to make it my lifelong career, although coaching seems like a good option. Right now, I feel that being a flight attendant, video editor (freelancing?), child psychologist, or maybe an English teacher abroad are things that I can possibly do in the future. But then again, marketing and business are still open options for me as well. Either way, my goal in the future is to move abroad, and I'm wondering what some good jobs or career pathways I can lean into? (Nothing related to healthcare pls!)

I know this is quite broad, but here are my areas of interest: business, entrepreneurship, marketing, animation, film, psychology, languages, cinematography, VFX, video editing, sports, international relations

Thank you!!

submitted by /u/reibeiaha
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "career coach", "title": "30, doing well financially, but feeling like I\u2019m not doing what I\u2019m meant to do. How do you find ambitious people who want to build something?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1w1iasm/30_doing_well_financially_but_feeling_like_im_not/", "author": "/u/SeriousMongoose3949", "date": "2026-08-29T09:49:40+00:00", "content": "

I come from a lower-middle-class background, and growing up I always wanted to make something of myself.

I went to a Tier-1 engineering university and have spent the last 5 years working at top-tier IT companies in India. On paper, I\u2019m doing pretty well. I\u2019ve paid off my education loan, built decent savings, and have a career that many people would consider highly successful.
And yet, I feel strangely incomplete.

The honest truth is that I chose software primarily because it was the highest-paying career path available to me. I\u2019m reasonably good at it, but I\u2019ve never felt that this is what I want to spend my entire life doing.

I used to be much more original in the way I thought. I had big dreams and a strong desire to create something. During school and coaching, I was surrounded by a group of extremely ambitious friends, and we genuinely felt like anything was achievable.
Interestingly, most of us ended up following a similar path. We got into good universities, joined great companies, and now most of our conversations revolve around compensation, switching jobs, promotions, RSUs, etc.
There\u2019s nothing inherently wrong with that. In fact, I\u2019m grateful for how far I\u2019ve come.

But I don\u2019t want my life to become:
**good job \u2192 higher salary \u2192 better company \u2192 promotion \u2192 repeat \u2192 retirement.**
I\u2019m 30 now, and I\u2019d ideally like to spend the next 10 years trying to build something of my own \u2014 perhaps a startup, product, service, or something I haven\u2019t even thought of yet.
I don\u2019t necessarily have *the idea* right now. That\u2019s actually part of the problem.
What I do have is a strong desire to create something, take meaningful risks, work with people who are equally driven, and eventually build something valuable enough that I can step away from corporate life.

So my question is:
**Where do you actually meet people like this?**
I\u2019m particularly interested in finding people who:
Have ambitious goals beyond simply maximizing their salary
Want to build startups/products/businesses, even if they don\u2019t have an idea yet
Are willing to take calculated risks
Are intellectually curious and driven
Come from a similar engineering/tech background
Are in their late 20s/30s and are seriously thinking about what they want to do with the next 10\u201320 years
I\u2019ve looked at the usual startup/entrepreneurship communities, but I\u2019m curious about where people have actually found their co-founders, friends, or communities of ambitious people.
**If you\u2019ve gone through something similar, how did you find your people?**
And if you\u2019re someone who went from a high-paying corporate career to building something of your own, I\u2019d especially love to hear your story.

submitted by /u/SeriousMongoose3949
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "EMDR", "title": "Artistic feeling suffocated by most jobs.", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1wt20it/artistic_feeling_suffocated_by_most_jobs/", "author": "/u/trousersquid", "date": "2026-09-29T05:49:22+00:00", "content": "

I'm a multi-hyphenate artist with experience in nearly every medium. I'm a professional actor/voice actor (which isn't anywhere close to paying bills), a published author/award-winning playwright (same result), skilled visual artist both in traditional and digital mediums, etc etc etc.

I've done marketing, but constantly finding ways to manipulate people into buying things burned me out.

I've done graphic design, still do on the side, but also burned me out, and it especially seems pointless going up against AI now.

I'm now in pet retail management, simply because being around animals makes the rest somewhat tolerable, and I try to look out for my employees as best I can.

Doing my art on the side keeps me afloat in terms of mental health, but I feel like I'm just staring down the prospect of struggling the rest of my life away struggling to make ends meet and stealing whatever scraps I can for my art and that's... That's it. That's all I can look forward to.

There has to be more, right? I'm nearly 40. I'm exhausted every single day. I'm already on a cocktail of mental health meds just to keep myself from actively wanting to die. My wife and pets are the only other things keeping me going, and it's been that way for a while now.

If you're considering telling me to try therapy, I've been 'graduated' from several different therapists over the years. I've done TMS, EMDR, CBT, but for the last few years, I just can't see why I should keep struggling.

Is there anything better out there anymore? I'm a great fucking artist. But that doesn't really count for much anymore.

submitted by /u/trousersquid
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "EMDR", "title": "Anyone else in their 20s taking a break from work/school to focus on healing?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1wd0l0x/anyone_else_in_their_20s_taking_a_break_from/", "author": "/u/Mandi2121", "date": "2026-09-11T00:17:56+00:00", "content": "

Hey guys, I\u2019m currently an unemployed 24 yr old girl who is working on healing from mental health issues. I was diagnosed with ocd, adhd and struggled severely with anxiety and depression my whole life. I decided to take a break from work/school a little after high school to try and get to the root cause of my issues and heal from them so I can be a stronger healthier version of myself going forward. I have worked a little and taken classes at college on and off since then but a very light load because I\u2019ve been doing intensive therapy continuously. I\u2019ve done EMDR, CBT, intensive outpatient program, ERP and feel like I\u2019ve gotten to the root of my issues and healed significantly. However something happened not long ago that was really traumatic and I haven\u2019t been able to return to work yet. But I do want to go back to work as soon as I am stable mentally. I have felt so ashamed of not working a normal job and feel like a failure and behind on life compared to other people.
But I try to remind myself that everyone is on their own journey and timeline. And that it\u2019s better that I become a healthier person so that I can do a better job when I do go back to work. Is anyone else in a similar situation? I feel so alone. I\u2019m hoping to connect with other people who are also taking a break from working/school to better themselves.

Maybe we can make this a little support group for people who are taking a nontraditional path\u2014encouraging each other, sharing our progress, our story, and reminding each other that we\u2019re not actually behind.
\u2764\ufe0f\ud83c\udf31

submitted by /u/Mandi2121
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "findapath", "q": "EMDR", "title": "Feeling hopeless 27M in need real advice I\u2019m wondering where I failed in life?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1q1mp7t/feeling_hopeless_27m_in_need_real_advice_im/", "author": "/u/Throwrahj456", "date": "2026-01-02T02:34:44+00:00", "content": "

Feeling hopeless and need real advice i\u2019m wondering where I failed in life 27M

I'm a 27-year-old American Pakistani Muslim man. I graduated in May 2025 (Rutgers Business School, Newark) with a degree in Supply Chain Management and have 8 years of experience in Tech/SaaS Sales. I've had over 100 interviews and 23 final rounds since last March. Zero offers. I can't break into either field.

I have $19,000 in student debt, partly due to financial abuse from my family since I was 17.

Mentally, I'm broken. I have diagnosed ADHD, PTSD, OCD, and depression. Medicaid only covers basic therapy, not the EMDR or psychiatry I need. I've even stopped praying.

I see my peers on Instagram marrying, having sex every day or regularly, and having kids, and six-figure jobs and buying houses while I have nothing. My 20s are ending, and I have no career, relationship, sex, love, money, or hope. I also have nerve damage in my penis from aggressive masturbation from back in April 2025 I have neuropraxia and it\u2019s been 9 months and I have to get an MRI now and my urologist is even uncertain :(.

I'm not looking for platitudes like "hang in there." If you don't have concrete, actionable advice, please scroll on.

But if you've been here and found a way out, please tell me how. What do you do when nothing works? Any real strategy would help thanks.

submitted by /u/Throwrahj456
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "Menopause", "q": "somatic", "title": "Estrogen increase anxiety?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Menopause/comments/1typ0s5/estrogen_increase_anxiety/", "author": "/u/rosielilidance", "date": "2026-06-06T18:32:55+00:00", "content": "

I'm aware I'm a very rare case here. Background: I had my ovaries removed when I was in my early 20s due to estrogen positive cancer, I spent the last 9 years not being on any sort of estrogen and while I had some situational anxiety and mild depression they were largely manageable. I decided to give estrogen patch a try early last year since I've been in remission for long enough it was deemed safe and since I'm only in my early 30s. I was originally put on 0.075 patch and one month in I started getting explosive migraines when my heart rate would go up say during bedroom activities. I was also getting pretty bad breast pain so we decided to step down to a 0.05 patch around July. Everything seemed ok for a while until December then I had my first ever panic attack. And it happened again in January. I've been seeing a therapist for it since then and while the mental tools have helped somewhat my anxiety did not decrease overall since starting a couple months ago I started developing somatic hyperawareness which really is messing up my daily life.

I know estrogen is supposed to be calming but I can't help but think it may be doing the opposite for me since i didn't have intense anxiety before going on the patch. Wondering if anyone else has experienced it and if what I'm experiencing is medically possible? Thank you.

submitted by /u/rosielilidance
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "Menopause", "q": "divorce therapy", "title": "Rage?! RAAAAAAGE!", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Menopause/comments/1ufmbmc/rage_raaaaaage/", "author": "/u/No_Lieutenant_2181", "date": "2026-06-25T20:57:28+00:00", "content": "

So, I\u2019m 43, in peri, am going through an extremely
complicate divorce, have stage IV endometriosis, am post-hysterectomy and down an ovary, I\u2019m disabled, and have survived more trauma than you can shake a stick at. I\u2019m on HRT \u2014 which has been a blessing, truly.

That all being said\u2026

I AM SICK OF EVERYONE\u2019S SHIT.

Even my own.

Just needed to get that out in a community of ladies who understand. I\u2019m kinda dreaming of getting in an argument just so I can unleash the fury and let out four decades of repressed rage.

Yes, I\u2019m in therapy (obvs, duh).

It\u2019s gotten so bad that I started listening to Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit. That\u2019s right \u2014 Fred Durst has been deployed.

ANYONE ELSE WANNA SCREAM WITH ME?! Aggghhhhhhhh!

Seriously, though \u2014 y\u2019all have helped me tremendously in this sub and I wanted to say thank you to everyone for making me feel less alone. Even when I want to go full WWE and hit some imaginary person with a folding chair.

If you see someone randomly screaming her head off \u2014 it\u2019s probably me. Don\u2019t say hi (for your own protection). \ud83d\ude09\ud83e\udd17\ud83e\udd17

Edit: I also just realized I\u2019m ovulating and I\u2019ve had sex exactly once since 2023. In hindsight, this may be a contributing factor. Thank you for your service, my only remaining ovary.

submitted by /u/No_Lieutenant_2181
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "Divorce after 10 years marriage", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1x7lqep/divorce_after_10_years_marriage/", "author": "/u/Material-Lab-1925", "date": "2026-10-16T17:01:34+00:00", "content": "

Long story short my wife approached me and has asked to separate and end sexual contact and she wants to divorce in the next few months when timing is best as we aren't in a hurry (Mainly for tax purposes) - we are best friends and love spending time with each other but we were first bf/gf in middle school coming from purity culture/very conservative households and experienced a lot of shame in sex. I never helped her release that shame and this month (since she asked to separate) we've uncovered many of the reasons why she never felt sexual desire towards me (she has initiated sex once in 10 years).

  1. Not leading her (spiritually - not praying, reading tother, growing together, financially poorly communicating with her, and not even planning basic things that would make her feel secure/at peace in the home) - She has communicated she has been the masculine piece of our marriage for years and she doesn't want that anymore. I agree with her.
  2. Not protecting her (From family members, outside threats to our marriage, etc.) - I'm very passive
  3. Not growing myself and being a man who respects himself - For years I've done the bare minimum and focused on work, but not on deepening our relationship
  4. Not connecting with her - My wife is a sapiosexual (Uncovered this past month) and she loves deep conversations, emotional connection, intellectual conversation and I've always been quiet/surface level and not even attempted to meet her needs. My wife knew this before we got married, but assumed it would improve.
  5. I am not a passionate person. I am very relaxed, mundane, which is fine, but this goes back to the energy she needs from me isnt there.
  6. Zero self awareness in my life which makes basic conversations difficult/arguments not be resolved.
  7. There's other things but all this to say I dont think I'm doing anything outside of meeting her basic needs (Financially providing for her, handling things around the house, her car, paying for a full time care taker for 2 year old son, etc.). We spend a lot of time together, but again our relationship can be described as best friends. I haven't done the self work needed to grow/be the man she needs.

My wife does biblically have grounds for divorce, about 6 years ago I got into an emotional affair with someone online - I didnt even know the person and it was easy to cut off when I was caught and nothing of ourselves was ever exchanged, but I believe at that point my wife internally began to shutoff certain parts of our marriage that she only just this month uncovered. We separated and got back together - went to sex therapy and started having great sex (but she still never felt desire) where we would both come together and it was happening weekly.

My wife works through things internally in great length through prayer, journaling, getting counsel, before communicating to me. This year I got a new job and I allowed it to consume way more of my time and I did not realize how detrimental that was to our family and our mental health. She lost her job and began pursuing full time content creation work as that's her dream job - My job covers us financially, but I was putting a lot of pressure on her to get a job (as we have a full time live in nanny that costs about 2/5 of my salary). I could've sat down with her and had a basic conversation like a decent human, "Hey lets give this a go for 6 months and see how it turns out. If not we will need to re evaluate where we stand and maybe you go back to work", but I didnt. This is just one example of the pain I've caused her (Unintentionally, but my lack of self-awareness cannot be excused)

We began to resent each other and we've had several family issues this year (Judgmental on how we raise our son with a nanny, etc.). I started to sleep on the couch and I was so upset back in July that she brought a business idea of hers to me and I shut it down and the conversation ended with me saying I think we should figure out how to separate. I lacked the self awareness to process what that actually looked like, how horrible that would be in reality, that she is literally my dream wife and I've been causing her so much pain, and I never revisited that with her.

She released our marriage a few days later in her journal and had the conversation about separation about a month later. I had so little self awareness that my first reaction was to say she had no grounds for divorce - not acknowledging the pain I've caused her for years, the lack of support/leadership in her life, etc.

Since August I've made huge changes in my life. I'm journaling, reading, praying with her, leading her, physically working on myself. She acknowledges the growth, but wants to see consistent change and time apart for healing, and also feel sexual desire for me before she can even consider getting back together. I'm completely on board with this decision. I'm currently working to find a living situation (I can't afford to rent anywhere with the nanny, her lack of income, etc.) without going to my parents house - which I dont want to do. I love her so much, so much, I would do anything to keep our family together and she knows that. For the first time in our marriage we've had raw honesty - we talk daily for hours and uncovering new things about her/having deep conversations for the first time only makes me love her more knowing how deep our marriage could be if we stayed together.

The bad: My family has been so cold towards her even though I've told them I asked for the divorce (initially), cheated on her, and how poorly I've treated her. She has always felt like the black sheep of our family and she's told me that she will not get back together with me if the family treatment continues - I'm actively working on this/protecting her. I have a lot of growth/things to work on before she will consider getting back with me.

Main Issue: Also, my wife is not American. She had a guy friend who loved her in her country of birth although she never told him that back. She talked with him about 8 years and even invited him to our wedding before things just naturally ended when we got married. She has journal entries from 14 years old of feeling a passion/love she never has felt with me. Her mother prevented her from dating him at that age and hid gifts he sent her. A few weeks after she released our marriage he messaged her a protective comment on instagram (she has grown from zero to 25k followers in just a few months of full time work) and it turned a switch for her. In the next few weeks (this is now after she asked to separate/divorce and asked to stop sexual contact) she began sending him explicit videos of herself (something I've never been on the receiving end of). Once I found out she and spoke with her she stopped, but didnt delete them because she doesn't want to jeopardize what she has going. I really didn't mind finding these videos as I understand where this came from, it just hurts knowing I haven't been able to expose that sexy side of her for over 10 years and she felt that passion from over 10 years ago come back immediately. He still lives out of the country and she is going to visit him later this month to see where they stand and if it's something they are mutually interested in pursuing a long distance relationship with. I know she is planning on having sex with him if he offers but that's not her main goal. They've discussed having kids, what they would name their kids, etc and I know their connection is like soul mates but with the passion/sexual love that I've never fulfilled for her. She said she cannot love me fully until she gets closure with this guy as it will always be in the back of her head - but she cant make any promises that it wont continue. I know he's had multiple partners, and she doesn't know where he stands.

I know they've never met as adults and I'm in the best position to win her back in the future. But I'm really lost at what to do.

Financially I've always pressured her, and I feel this is the first time I can offer her unconditional love by continuing to pay for all of her, my sons, and nannies expenses while I move out/potentially sleep in my vehicle. I know that if I am hard on her financially she will never get back together with me.

I feel I owe it to her for probably a year to continue on this path even if she chooses to long distance date someone else while she figures out her financial situation/start earning money with the content creation. I hate where I am. I hope she comes back. We literally spent two hours before work this morning just talking. We've been to therapy and Christian counseling and my knows people would not agree with her decision to go visit him, but I dont know what else to do.

Our goal right now is to be the best co parents possible, Love each other as friends, and grow independently. She could honestly care less about our house, our assets, she wants financial security and protection in general from my family, I've told her I will continue doing whatever I can to support her, and if things change I want it to be the easiest decision she's ever made to come back to me.

submitted by /u/Material-Lab-1925
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "My marriage is good. So why does it still feel wrong? Lack of gratitude or lack of connection?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1w6vrid/my_marriage_is_good_so_why_does_it_still_feel/", "author": "/u/Newfishwhodis", "date": "2026-09-04T05:53:35+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m considering leaving my wife and I feel horrible even writing that because she is genuinely a good person.

There\u2019s no abuse. No cheating. No constant fighting. We get along well. She\u2019s kind, loyal, supportive, trustworthy and has stood by me through a lot. We laugh, have a peaceful life together and I know she loves me deeply.

But something has felt missing for years...I don\u2019t feel deeply emotionally connected to her.

I\u2019m someone who needs a lot of depth. I love talking about emotions, spirituality, philosophy, life, ideas, inner stuff, all of that. I want to feel like someone really \u201cgets\u201d me and responds from the same emotional place. With my wife, I often feel like I talk and she listens, but there\u2019s no real echo coming back. She cares, but I don\u2019t feel deeply understood.

I bring this up with her every few months. We have found that us being more open allowed us to feel closer. But as time goes on, things go back to surface level connection, and we stopped 'seeing' each other. I feel like depth is a hard thing for her to learn, but it comes natural to me.

Sometimes it feels more like we are best friends / companions who built a comfortable life together than two people who are deeply emotionally and romantically connected. The uncomfortable part is that I\u2019m not sure a passionate fire was ever really there. She was a comfortable person for me after I had PTSD and substance abuse (clean 7 years now). We\u2019ve been together around 10 years and I\u2019ve had doubts on and off for most of that time.

There have been certain times (not all the time) where intimacy has felt forced on my side. Like I\u2019m doing what a husband is supposed to do because I care about her and don\u2019t want her to think something is wrong. But then I question myself...Maybe I\u2019m just ungrateful. Maybe I\u2019ve become obsessed with some fantasy of a \u201cdeep soul connection\u201d that doesn\u2019t really exist long term. Maybe my tendency to escape when I\u2019m unhappy is making me think another life will somehow fix everything.

Sometimes I look at what I have and think: she loves me, she\u2019s loyal, she\u2019s kind, I\u2019m safe, our life is peaceful. Isn\u2019t this what people spend their whole lives looking for? And for a while I feel grateful and think I should stay. Then eventually that feeling of something being missing comes back again. That\u2019s what is driving me crazy. I love my wife and care about her enormously. I\u2019m terrified of hurting her. I\u2019m also terrified of throwing away a genuinely good marriage and realizing later that what I was looking for was unrealistic or something I needed to create inside myself.

I\u2019m also equally scared of staying another decade and realizing I knew all along that something fundamental wasn\u2019t there. I don\u2019t even know exactly what I want if I leave. I just keep getting this feeling that being married to her doesn\u2019t fully feel right or authentic for me.

Has anyone here left a genuinely GOOD marriage because the emotional/romantic connection wasn\u2019t there?

How did you know whether you were being ungrateful versus recognizing a real incompatibility?

And if you stayed, did gratitude actually change how you felt about your spouse long term, or did the feeling that something was missing eventually come back?

submitted by /u/Newfishwhodis
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "If I didn\u2019t have a child with him I would not be with him anymore.", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1w4ork5/if_i_didnt_have_a_child_with_him_i_would_not_be/", "author": "/u/Tall-Ad-4833", "date": "2026-09-01T20:40:48+00:00", "content": "

I am married to an emotionally dismissive avoidant man. When I was in my early 20s, I was a people pleaser and I learned how to mold my life around his emotional needs (or lack of). I got really good at walking on eggshells and keeping the peace and apologizing for things just to break the tension. I mistook our trauma bonding as a spiritual connection. L

Now in my mid 30s, I\u2019ve gone to three years of therapy and I\u2019m at the point where I can see we are not necessarily emotionally compatible. His actions over the past decade have hurt me significantly and I feel like I am at the end of my rope with what once was an Unlimited pool of forgiveness., I have recently started expressing where I\u2019m at, and I\u2019m asking him to try and meet me halfway. While we have just started therapy, it feels like he really just wants to make all this go away as fast as possible. Expressing this need has been a major inconvenience for him.

Here is the curveball, I am pregnant with our second baby. I know I will get a lot of crap for this. But if you were to have asked me six months ago, our relationship seemed to be afloat, but a lot has happened since then. I think being pregnant again has brought up a lot of old emotional wounds I had buried deep within myself trying to make things better that occurred while I was post partum the first time.

He supports me financially. I am a stay at home, mom. When I quit my career him and I were both making the same amount of money (300k). Money which was never an issue for me now feels like it will be. I\u2019m not sure I can jump into the same career. I once had so that makes me a little nervous, but I\u2019m also not afraid? We live in Manhattan though, which is outrageously expensive even if you make decent money. Neither of us come from money.

I think right now my plan is to try and keep the peace till this new baby is about 18 months old. The first year and a half is truly difficult and I can probably fake it a little longer. Our life is relatively peaceful when I live on the surface of my emotions.

What do you guys think? What would you do in my position? Am I just kicking the can down the road? Is there anything wrong with that?

submitted by /u/Tall-Ad-4833
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "Are you in the montage?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1w06nxl/are_you_in_the_montage/", "author": "/u/newday1214", "date": "2026-08-27T21:11:39+00:00", "content": "

What a long, strange trip this has all been. Divorced 2.5 years after 17 years of marriage, 2 kids. In the years after the divorce I stopped smoking weed after 25 years of use, started a new job, and began and ended a serious relationship (for almost 2 years) because it was the right thing to do.

I tried my hand at loneliness but within a few weeks I was back on the apps because being lonely is, well, lonely. And painful. And all of the things.

And then the obsessive dating began. Another person every night. Nothing sexual per se, just connecting with another human which is something I really like to do and a strength of mine.

After a few weeks, or perhaps after my ridiculously large credit card bill for all of those dates, and after weeks of telling people I didn\u2019t want something serious only to be turned away because time and again they always want something serious with me, I had to course correct. Things aren\u2019t working.

I realized that I really do want a serious relationship but I\u2019m not ready. And so I\u2019m not aligned with where I\u2019m holding spiritually and emotionally even as I ask for something casual. The universe isn\u2019t responding because it\u2019s not really what I really want. But I\u2019m also not ready for something serious.

I immediately deleted all of my apps (I\u2019ll still talk to people in my life and people I meet organically) and intrinsically felt that I\u2019m in the montage part of my life. You know, that part that is so boring it has to be shown to music and clipped. It\u2019s the crucial part of the movie where the real growth happens but it\u2019s boring. Its painful. It sucks quite honestly. Which is why they abbreviate it and play the music.

But the hero never gets the girl (or boy) without the montage. He or she never wins the fight without it. That\u2019s where the real work is. Every day. Moment by moment. In reality it sucks. It hurts. And honestly I\u2019m in the shit right now. It hurts. But I have to get through the pain to hopefully come out in a better place on the other side. When the music stops.

Wish me luck. And if you can relate, I wish you luck too. There\u2019s magic in the montage. Even if it doesn\u2019t feel that way now.

submitted by /u/newday1214
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "Self help book recommendations?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1vzxh2p/self_help_book_recommendations/", "author": "/u/centralvortex963", "date": "2026-08-27T15:39:16+00:00", "content": "

I (29f) and my (37m) partner are divorcing after 12 years together (married 6). I'm wondering if anyone has any recommendations for self help books. For context: I'm not at all religious so I'm not usually drawn to faith-based therapy. I am spiritual, however, so open to that approach. (Just not necessarily through the lens of organized religion -no judgment, just not for me)

I appreciate any recommendations, and am thankful for your time.

submitted by /u/centralvortex963
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "Parallels w the Clancy case & my ex husband", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1voqv9r/parallels_w_the_clancy_case_my_ex_husband/", "author": "/u/FairySeasfreedom411", "date": "2026-08-15T02:32:39+00:00", "content": "

In watching this Clancy case and thinking about my previous marriage, it is interesting the parallels that arise. this is only based on my opinion and from highlights of the case that have been posted.

I left my husband, and took our 2 small children (ages 1 and 3 at the time) after almost 8 years of marriage.

He was the charmer who everyone loved.

the \u201dgood guy\u201d who went to church and stood on his beliefs.

But at home, his degree of control, apathy & coldness, intolerance for diversity, refusal to accept any influence from my end, refusal to communicate or compromise in any way on anything, isolation from my friends and family, isolation from my culture, lack of financial help , and lack of household help increased drastically after kids.

He resented my education level & my profesional license and quit his work voluntarily after we had our kids. it felt like he was jealous of how I took care of them and turned himself into the 3rd child instead of stepping up (like I did) as a partner. He regressed in the relationship in every possible way expect for the control, the demands for me to do more, the demands to insidiously convert me into his conservative Christian practices and his unending complaints.

In retrospect I think he wanted to make a trad wife out of me, who would be completely dependent and n him and couple not leave even if I needed to for my own well being. He had us meet with his pastor prior to my graduating grad school to share with the pastor how unhappy this made him and the pastors advice was for me to quit grad school. oh- absolutely not.

when I communicated with him all of the things I already openly shared with him about myself abd within the relationship, such as our differences in spirituality, culture, my need for his participation in financial contribution, ownership of tasks and household contribution and the mental and emotional load and needing to see my family and friends more regularly: He responded with I have mental health problems and that I am sad because I am unwell and I need to see a psychiatrist.

Believing at the time that he as my husband had my best interests in mind- I went- 3 times to be evaluated, assessed, etc. the psychiatrist after spending almost 5 hours with me, found nothing diagnostically , nothing abnormal, nothing that needed medication or medical intervention. she noted that my address was appropriate for my circumstances: the horrible relationship. when I shared the news about no diagnosis with my then husband, he acted really disappointed and frustrated. As though he would have celebrated if I were given a psychiatric Dx.

The thing he hadn\u2019t counted on though, with this encounter, was that it gave me (who at the time I was in a state of brokenness from the constant mental abuse and gaslighting and being told how I needed mental help \u2014 no longer trusting or believing myself) enough confidence that crested a crack the size of a thread through the wall of bullshit he had been feeding me all these years , to see enough of a glimmer of light and truth to start making plans to escape out of this psychological prison he had orchestrated. He was not compassionate toward the suffering he caused in the slightest, and the more pain he instilled the more seemingly satisfied he became.

When I went to the hospital and was admitted for internal bleeding , he didn\u2019t visit. when I went into labor and delivered our first, he left to get only himself food, after my 15 hrs of labor. What he counted on was squeezing the sanity and the life and the resources out of me and discarding me when I (to his hope)became ill or useless to him.

The way he was toward me a was constantly cold, apathetic, unapologetic, without compassion, unreasonable, unemotional (except for anger and months long silent treatments) demeanor. I was beginning to think this flat affect toward me was a personality flaw but in retrospect it was just psychological abuse. Because with others he was warm and charming.

It took me a few months to plan and arrange moving, and to also let him know about my moving out and separating, but once I left with the kids, I regained my strength, my joy, my love for life & all of the beautiful things I lost in myself living with him. my health and happiness returned & I have never been better.

Thinking back, I know if I had stayed and continued to allow him to manipulate me mentally and psychologically, I would have continued to decline mentally, and the thought of that is frightening. in retrospect he didn\u2019t care about me as a person. he wanted a wife- appliance, took pride in his need to convert me into his (abusive, controlling) conservative Christian practices, and wanted to mold me into the thing he wanted\u2026versus taking me as I am and seeing if the two of us were honestly compatible and aligned in all the ways necessary for a healthy long term relationship. but even in our 4 years of dating- he strung me along and was not honest or open about his religious goals, his lifestyle goals , his political preferences, his cultural biases, his views on family and friends, his personal prejudices, etc\u2014 while with him I was open and honest about mine. but these differences didnt matter to him , not because he was open minded, flexible or accepting, but because he had a plan to convert me entirely. how disgusting.

Now he is in social media complaining and blaming the court system (posting and calling judges and attorneys demonic and satanic) for not believing in \u201cnuclear family\u201d. He continues blaming them and anyone except himself for my leaving and divorcing him, while he leads an online father\u2019s support group for divorcing dads .

what reminded me about this from the Clancy case is that he was always and currently is big on outer appearances, his presentation to the world, and being viewed as \u201cthe good guy\u201d the unsuspecting guy, while he worked very hard to antagonize me into reacting, manipulate me into believing I had a mental health problem, painting the picture to the world that I was and am the villain.

Meanwhile, after 5 years of initiating divorce, it finally finalizing no thanks to him dragging it out with endless futile and frivolous motions, he has yet to pay CP and has abandoned his professional field to try and skirt financial responsibility ( choosing to rent a room with a whole other family with their own kids) claiming indigence.

I am so grateful I escaped his madness before it was too late. I have a safe refuge I call home, without being fed bs for dinner. The kids are excellent & my relationships w family and friends have restored. Life is beautiful.

submitted by /u/FairySeasfreedom411
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "TW! Mentions of domestic emotional abuse! Exhausted and struggling", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1vna488/tw_mentions_of_domestic_emotional_abuse_exhausted/", "author": "/u/Zero-Dark-117", "date": "2026-08-13T13:02:53+00:00", "content": "

BACKSTORY: So I (27f) asked for a divorce from my military husband (26m) after a year of serious domestic emotional abuse. I cheated, he cheated. BEFORE everyone gets judgy, I am not excusing it or justifying it. I know why I did it, it was not a good idea and it came to light. The abuse got significantly worse after that. He became very red pilled like my father sadly.

I had my first Christmas entirely alone with my dog and cat when I found out he was having an affair with an ex girlfriend of mine. I tore down everything Christmas immediately finding out, to which he got pissed but I didn\u2019t care. I didn\u2019t call or text him for 3 days and he called a wellness check. It is going to take a Herculean effort to make Christmas enjoyable ever again.

Fast forward to his homecoming from rotation (during which the abuse was really taking off) and I had said we needed to try counseling to work out our issues but he refused. I let it go and tried to work it out ourselves until I checked his phone. He was messaging and Snapchatting with his ex, whom he had cheated on (I was unaware of this info) and I snooped through his phone. He was cheating on me with her.

I gave up then. I couldn\u2019t handle any more of his behavior.

Told him I was divorcing him, I\u2019m going back to my mum\u2019s. We are being as amicable as possible because neither one of us wants a bitter divorce (both of us children from divorce and suffering abuse from both our bio mums).

NOW: Papers are filed, I\u2019m packing slowly, and the only male I fully trust is my cat.

I\u2019m so exhausted. Emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. I\u2019ve never had a life event suck the life force out of me like this. It\u2019s taking everything out of me. I\u2019m crying, having anxiety, supremely depressed, and have to go sit in my walk in closet to let myself fall apart. Ended up taking a nap in there a few times.

I\u2019m beyond stressed, feeling like I\u2019m not doing enough for myself and so drained.

I know it\u2019ll get better. That I\u2019ll go on and maybe find a better love after I put myself back together but I have such little hope in finding someone that will truly love me, cherish me, and think I\u2019m a goddess to them.

Every day I wake up is a fresh hell.

I feel so incredibly isolated. All of my friends are gone, the only person who kinda knows how I\u2019m feeling is my dad as he went through a divorce with my bio mum (my mum is a wonderful woman with her own husband, not married to my dad). This is such a lonely process and time in my life.

I just want to sleep until it\u2019s done.

submitted by /u/Zero-Dark-117
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "SAHM ex of my partner", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1vlsxmf/sahm_ex_of_my_partner/", "author": "/u/LobsterThat1564", "date": "2026-08-11T20:25:20+00:00", "content": "

I recently finalized my divorce after 2 years of separation and about 10 years of estrangement from 26 years of marriage.

My soon to be ex husband and I both hold professional jobs. We have two kids (19 and 17). I have never not worked.

My current partner of 20 months has been divorced for 14 years of 10 year marriage and 3 years of separation. They have a son who is 17. My partner pays full child support to his ex even though they have 50/50 custody because she had no income at that time of divorce or since. She recently finished her training to be a hospice counselor at the age of 49.

I am having a really hard time understanding this woman\u2019s choice to be a SAHM until she was 45 with no assets or financial resources. My partner is stressed and resentful toward her because her lack of financial independence puts enormous pressure on him as the sole provider for their son\u2019s day-to-day expenses and college education. Once the boy turns 19, there will be no more child support as her \u201cincome.\u201d She has no wealth to speak of.

As we are trying to move forward to cohabitation in less than a year, I am not sure how this relationship with his ex will play out. He will move into my house in about a year. I absolutely do not want my partner to fund her SAHM yogi spiritual lifestyle while I am working my ass off to support me and my two teens with the savings from combining our household.

She is looking for an employment but WTF. Why do some people think being a SAHM is a good idea after being divorced? I personally do not know any woman who doesn\u2019t hold a job and this is just a mind boggling to be this much irresponsible as a parent.
The kid is a very good boy. No special needs or special talents that may warrant a parent\u2019s undivided attention.
Am I too harsh? This dynamic has created anxiety in me to accept any support from my partner as I feel his plate is too full and I don\u2019t want to take more resources from his son.

submitted by /u/LobsterThat1564
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "6 Months Since She Left", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1vkk2lb/6_months_since_she_left/", "author": "/u/GerthBrooks9", "date": "2026-08-10T12:55:36+00:00", "content": "

It\u2019s been 6 months since she left and the grief and pain and loneliness seem unbearable at times. I have learned so much about myself in this process which at times can make things even worse. I see how much of a codependent I am and how much I relied on her for emotional regulation. I cannot blame her at all for leaving but it doesn\u2019t stop my mind from trying to do all that it can to tey and replay every moment, every fight, every harsh word that was said. I never thought she would leave which was exactly the problem. I took for granted one of the most kind hearted and beautiful person I have ever loved. This divorce has uncovered years of suppressed trauma that I\u2019m finally addressing and on top of it I have now seen how I have been manipulated and coerced by someone I really respected and looked up to within my spiritual community. The feelings of mistrust, loneliness, depression, anxiety, and low self worth continue to make it difficult to sleep, concentrate, and work. I want so desperately to be able to live on my own and create a new and beautiful life for myself, but it seems impossible at times when it feels like I am just waiting for time to pass. I have put so much of my self worth and validation into external sources and now that the one thing that brought me that validation is gone, I feel so empty inside.

Things I am trying to do to help myself.

I\u2019ve moved back into our shared home. This has been very hard as well as at the beginning of the divorce I had an emotional breakdown and thought I would be selling the house so out a purely fight or flight reaction I gave away and threw away so many belongings and memories and furniture. This has also caused much complication in the settlement agreement. I say that I\u2019m doing this to help myself because it feels like it is something I need to do to face the consequences of my actions and begin to rebuild my life and forgive myself.

i go to yoga multiple times a week and am trying to build a new community there.

Will be signing up for a gym membership and I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll be spending a lot of time there considering I dont have a regular work schedule.

i will be returning to my volunteer role at a local hospice and food pantry. Being of service and helping others always brought me so much joy but since she left I have been so self absorbed in this grief that I have t even been able to think of others.

i will begin going to codependency anonymous groups and hope that I can find some relief and support there.

I also used to meditate regularly and am part of a Zen community, however, within that community I felt that I was manipulated and coerced away from my marriage by a certain individual so I\u2019m having a very difficult time with the sense of betrayal and abuse.

if anyone has any other suggestions or things that they have done that helps them or even some words of encouragement I would greatly appreciate. This is the hardest and most grief filled experience I have ever gone through and need all the help I can get.

submitted by /u/GerthBrooks9
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "Should I leave a chronic non-confrontational people pleaser?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1v1u2yy/should_i_leave_a_chronic_nonconfrontational/", "author": "/u/Pure_Mail_8684", "date": "2026-07-20T18:40:33+00:00", "content": "

​

I (29F) have been married to my husband (35M) for 7 years now. He's a very nice guy, very friendly, and will give you the shirt off his back if you ask him. And that's been our problem for most, if not all of our marriage.

I've watched him bend over backwards to help people according to his Christian beliefs, to the point it's put our household's well-being (physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual) in jeopardy. I used to watch people who constantly would ask him for money and he'd give it without a single thought, even if the same person asked over and over again. We've had women try to drive a wedge in our marriage by trying to have an affair with him, even going as far as trying to establish a secret line of communication with him that purposely excludes me. He's had other insult and demean him in public and doesn't do anything to defend himself nor does he attempt to walk away from the situation/person(s), which has unfortunately affected me as well. I've had numerous people make derogatory statements towards me in regards to our marriage, make it seem like I was cheating on him, sexualize my appearance, or even try to insinuate how our children don't look like their "father" (I've slept with no other man, he is the father).

It has happened whether he is with me or not. When hes there to witness it, he does have a physical reaction to it, but then the moment will pass and he'll act like nothing ever happened. I'll pull him to the side and say, "Hey, didn't you hear what they just said" or "what they just said was out of line." He'll either say he didn't hear it or I just need to forgive them and/or not over analyze the situation.

Im at the end of my rope with this marriage. Im starting to have thoughts that life would be better without him now. However, I still love him and want to continue building a life with him and grow old together, but not like this. I can't keep tolerating his behavior anymore. We've already scheduled an appointment with a marriage counselor, but my hope in our marriage recovering is starting to dwindle.

Has anyone ever been through this sort of relationship and how has it turned out?

submitted by /u/Pure_Mail_8684
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "the books that helped when my marriage ended and i still couldn't stop wondering if they'd come back", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1uzi4o9/the_books_that_helped_when_my_marriage_ended_and/", "author": "/u/Ecstatic_Vacation37", "date": "2026-07-18T01:20:15+00:00", "content": "

twenty six years, and i still catch myself wondering if they'll come back, which is embarrassing to type because the papers are already signed. the wondering is the part nobody warned me about. everyone had a lawyer to recommend and nobody had a book, so i went looking myself, mostly at 2am. this is what i read, in the order it helped.

  1. Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti

the one the divorce recovery groups seem to run on. it's built as steps you climb, and it's less about your ex than about who you have to become on the other side. dry in places. didn't care, i needed the scaffolding more than the poetry.

  1. Crazy Time by Abigail Trafford

older book, and the title is the whole thesis, that the year or two after a marriage ends is a genuine temporary insanity and you're not losing your grip, you're in the crazy time. reading that my mood swings were a known phase and not a defect steadied me more than any pep talk.

  1. Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas

yes it's the gwyneth one, get the eye roll over with. under the name it's a serious framework, and it matters most if you share kids and you'll both be at graduations and weddings for decades whatever happens. the chapter on my own share of the ending stung in a way i needed.

  1. Will They Come Back? by Taro's Tarot

this was the one that put words to the thing i couldn't say out loud. it's not a get-them-back manual and it's not the usual just-move-on thing either. it kind of just sat in the middle where i actually was. there's a section on the real numbers, how many separated couples genuinely do end up back together, and it was more honest than my lawyer or my hopeful sister were being. and the part that undid me was the idea that the person leaving is only half of what you lose, that you're also burying a whole life, the house, the in-laws of twenty years, the friends who quietly picked a side, the whole picture of getting old together we'd sketch out on sundays. i didn't know that was its own separate grief until it got named.

  1. Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford

more woo than i normally reach for and your mileage will vary, but the framing that this could be a doorway and not just a wreckage got me through a couple of bad weeks. skip it without guilt if that isn't your language.

  1. Getting Up, Getting Over, Getting On by Micki McWade

built on the twelve step idea, which i was skeptical of, and then the one-day-at-a-time thing turned out to work once the future itself was what set off the panic. short chapters, which matters when your concentration is shot.

  1. Coming Apart by Daphne Rose Kingma

the gentlest thing on the pile. it's about why relationships end and how to live through the ending of your own, and it doesnt rush you anywhere. i saved it for last, once i had enough ground under me to sit in the sadness without going under.

so that's the shelf. the through-line i didn't see coming was how much of it was grieving the whole life we'd built and not only grieving them.

anyone else here split after a long marriage? what did you actually read, and did anything touch the wondering-if-they'll-come-back part, or did that one just quietly fade out on its own in the end

submitted by /u/Ecstatic_Vacation37
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "To those who were blindsided by divorce\u2026", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1uy4nsj/to_those_who_were_blindsided_by_divorce/", "author": "/u/welphelp12345", "date": "2026-07-16T14:36:01+00:00", "content": "

I will try to be brief so I don\u2019t lose your interest. I\u2019m really hoping to get feedback from people who were blindsided when their spouse asked for a divorce (or those who asked for a divorce whose spouses were shocked when you had the talk).

In a nutshell, we\u2019ve been married for about 10 years and the last 8 years have been pretty stagnant. We have a 6 and 2 yo and the only time we\u2019ve had sex in the last 6-7 years was to try and have kids. After our first was born, we didn\u2019t have sex for over 2.5 years. We had trouble getting pregnant with our 2nd and have not had sex since they were born.

We are great parents but essentially have zero relationship outside of that. She has a lot of anxiety and gets stressed with work, which I have taken the brunt of for many years. I\u2019m at the point now that I feel like a shell of my former self when she is around. We are totally disconnected sexually, physically, emotionally, spiritually, essentially in every respect. Sometimes we go days without even making physical contact with one another and when we do, it makes me cringe, like even just her hand on my arm as she\u2019s squeezing past me in the kitchen.

We\u2019ve done therapy before but to be honest, I\u2019m not interested in trying to reconcile this. Looking back through a more mature lens, we were never a good match to begin with. Physical touch is my love language - kissing, cuddling, sex, etc, and the thought of doing that with her does not appeal to me at all. I\u2019m in my early 40s, and the idea of living like this for 40 more years sounds awful.

While she certainly knows our relationship is flawed to the point of toxicity as we can hardly have the most basic of conversations without someone getting defensive or becoming escalated, she would never expect me to ask her for a divorce.

I\u2019m hoping to get some insights from those who were blindsided and asked for a divorce by their spouse. How did things turn out? Were you able to maintain a good relationship?

For what it\u2019s worth, I love her family and her mom and dad (who are separated) are like parents to me. My mom passed and my stepdad is a dickhead. The rest of my blood family lives out of state. The idea of losing her family gives me pause more than losing her.

I\u2019m also a very loving and hands on father so the idea of not seeing my kids everyday is heartbreaking. But I also think seeing their father (and hopefully their mother as well) happier and in more fulfilling relationships will be better for them. What makes it hard too is my 6yo is very much an empath and can be very emotional at times and I\u2019m so scared how this could impact her long term.

Thank you!

EDIT: If anyone had younger kids when they went through a divorce, I would really love some insights on how you told them and what their reaction was. That is one thing that terrifies me the most.

submitted by /u/welphelp12345
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "I (F 50) don\u2019t like spending time with my husband (M 59) and I need advice?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1uwvf5d/i_f_50_dont_like_spending_time_with_my_husband_m/", "author": "/u/Agreeable_Pea_8319", "date": "2026-07-15T04:25:55+00:00", "content": "

We live together and we would say we are very comfortable together and in a stage of life where we prefer peace. We both have separate bedrooms and separate tv. We love each other we say it at least twice a day to each other whenever we see each other in common areas of our house. We are in a stage of our lives/marriage where we don\u2019t need the spark or magic as we both kinda so over it \u201cchasing excitement in a relationship\u201d phase. I do all of the cooking as I like it and we eat in our bedrooms watching tv separately. But now I am thinking that how much I love doing everything alone. I love him and I love he is part of my life and but I don\u2019t want to do any activity with him as i enjoy doing it alone. It\u2019s like I have formed a nice relationship with myself that I enjoy a lot and I don\u2019t want to share it with anyone including my husband. I do think he feels a little lonely but we are just so comfortable in our lives that we are happy with our situation but I do feel bad for him and feel guilty a little. I don\u2019t want to leave him as I love him so much and want to continue living in separate rooms doing our own thing. He doesn\u2019t want to leave me either we are both very comfortable but something deep inside guilts me that I don\u2019t spend much time with him besides cooking for him and serving him food and and snacks in his room. And that\u2019s the only time I see him for a few minutes. I got married to him at the age of 15, he was 24 and it was an arrange marriage by our parents in our village. After 35 years together, I want to devote this time of my life to God but I don\u2019t want to resolve my marriage. All kids have moved out. It\u2019s just us and our pets now.

I cook everyday and serve him food, clean the house, pay all the bills, take care of our animals etc. I just don\u2019t like to spend time with him as I am very much into god and spirituality and he has no clue and doesn\u2019t care about conversation regarding god. I love him so much I pray for him a lot I devote my life to him but spending time with him is just one thing I can\u2019t stand. I don\u2019t want to be without him. He is my masculine containment I like having a man in the house for protection and safety. Even when we sit together I find myself getting busy in work. I am pretty happy in my life. He is too yes he wish he had more of my time with him he has expressed that but he will never leave me. We rarely argue or have fights.

submitted by /u/Agreeable_Pea_8319
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "Ended a friendship a year ago and he reached back out after my divorce and I turned him down\u2026", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1ur7pb7/ended_a_friendship_a_year_ago_and_he_reached_back/", "author": "/u/Total-Tiger9553", "date": "2026-07-08T22:23:08+00:00", "content": "

Hey everyone,

I\u2019m looking for a little bit of insight as to whether it\u2019s normal to end friendships due to growth and change. I was married for a year and within 8 months I got a divorce. My divorce changed me a lot in ways I can\u2019t express.

To keep it short and simple, the old \u201cme\u201d and the person I was before marriage is DEAD. That girl sought her happiness and attached her worth to other people. She sought constant validation and reassurance. She was desperate for attachments, connections, friendships, and anything she can find to leech onto. She would get anxiously attached to people and then they would leave her and she would be so heartbroken. But she\u2019s dead now. This is the same pattern that had continued on with my ex and that marriage ended for other reasons (he was an abusive), but I\u2019m trying to explain that I\u2019ve changed now. If I don\u2019t make the change now while I\u2019m still young and healthy then I\u2019ll never be able to make that change. I want to become a healthier and stronger person on my own. I\u2019m currently also in therapy which has been helping me tremendously. I want to realize that the only person I need is myself and God. And I\u2019m getting there. I\u2019ve been praying non stop and feeling so much peace in solo outings and God. This is the person I wanted to be for so long, but I didn\u2019t know how to get there until my divorce altered my brain chemistry and I had enough of the person I was. Everything about me has just changed and I cannot bring myself to seek those friendships anymore. I\u2019m so turned off and detached from them and I feel this is very normal.

I want to love myself, feel worthy within myself, dress up for myself, spend time with myself. I don\u2019t want to use people from my past to fill the void my ex left inside me. And there were some friendships I had ended before I got married, but recently one of my old best friends had reached out to me as he found out I got a divorce and we spoke for maybe like two hours and I respectfully turned him down when he asked to rekindle our friendship due to my own struggles, change, and growth. He went on to say stuff like he misses me and he thought about me often over the last year. Reopening doors from the past that I have closed is not going to mentally, emotionally, or spiritually serve me any purpose. The time we had that friendship we were super close and he said something along the lines of \u201cit hurts to see you\u2019ve detached so much\u2026\u201d and idk he keeps viewing my profile and it\u2019s bothering me. Not bc I want him as a friend but bc he\u2019s prying constantly on my TikTok, instagram stories, etc and I just want to heal in peace. I\u2019ve parted ways for my own sanity. And it hurts bc I used to be the person once who wouldn\u2019t understand why a friend would want to end the friendship until now I\u2019m the one who\u2019s doing it. Part of me feels a little bad, but this is my decision.

Any advice or someone to share a similar experience? If you\u2019ve been on the receiving end of this or if you\u2019ve been the person to end the friendship?

submitted by /u/Total-Tiger9553
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "My wife asked for a divorce and I am heart broken.", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1uqr063/my_wife_asked_for_a_divorce_and_i_am_heart_broken/", "author": "/u/Towniefireman92", "date": "2026-07-08T12:17:36+00:00", "content": "

My wife asked for a divorce and I am heartbroken. I don\u2019t know what to do and how to move forward. I would have told you we have a happy marriage, full of love. I know we have troubles, but I have felt we are making tremendous growth and progress. We are young and in our early 30s with two amazing kids. I know I\u2019ve caused her pain, but I\u2019ve also tried so hard to love and support her and our family. For the last 11 years \u201cI love you\u201d has been one of the most frequent phrases in our house daily.

She said \u201cour good is so good, but she just can\u2019t deal with the bad\u201d and \u201cit\u2019s not supposed to be this hard\u201d. I truly did not think we had much bad at all. We have a happy life, we have been working through things in therapy and growing in love and maturity. One of our boys has autism, and we have learned and grown with him. There has never been any scandal. And now she is done. My heart is broken. I don\u2019t know what to do and how to move forward. I need to be strong for our boys and care for them. Inside though, I am shattered and lost. How do I move forward?

I have a therapist, spiritual director and close friends and family. Nothing feels like it is helping with this massive tear inside of me.

submitted by /u/Towniefireman92
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "We agreed to work on ourselves and try again in 1 year. Only 4 months later...", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1uog0lf/we_agreed_to_work_on_ourselves_and_try_again_in_1/", "author": "/u/Jeffyoubetya", "date": "2026-07-05T22:50:39+00:00", "content": "

We were together for around 8 years and married for 5 with a dog. I moved back to my home country after living abroad with her for 4 years to work on myself and get proper mental health treatment. Before I left we agreed to reassess in 1 year and see how we're both doing to possibly try again. Just last week after 4 months, she traveled all the way from her home country to visit a friend in my city and to tell me there's no future for us in person.

I didn't realize it at the time, but the only thing keeping me moving forward was hope; the possibility of us reconciling. Now I'm shattered because there's no future together, no more chances at redemption, no more laughs, no more dog, no more lovely in-laws, no more genuine "I love you's'" and no more living abroad (which I started to call home). It's going to be so hard to get over everything that is lost. At least I got closure and it was only 8 years without children...

I was a very different person when we married. She was my best friend, my cheerleader and unfortunately my caregiver. I lost myself the last 5 years. I became a severely depressed and suicidal alcoholic carrying the weight of the traumatic jobs I worked. I sporadically tried therapy, counseling and medication totalling over a year which helped but none of it stuck. This depression caused me to stay unemployed and become complacent in our relationship. My motivation, my goals, my hygiene and my energy disappeared. My reality was just surviving from one day to the next which I was not blind to. Being so self aware of what's happening and why caused me extreme amounts of self-hate, self-blame and anxiety because I knew I was pissing everything away. My brain was just so chaotic, negative and loud that I could not function.

She was an absolute sweetheart and tried her best to help me through it all and build me up all those years. Sacrificing large parts of herself to take care and support/push me. This caused her to neglect her own mental health and get consumed by my sadness. Knowing that I was doing this to my amazing wife absolutely killed me and only furthered the self-hate and suicidal ideation. She eventually had to look out for herself and we "temporarily" seperated because she could no longer take the sadness. I 1000% understand and support her decision. She deserves peace and not to be burdened by troubles that weren't even hers, but became hers.

Here I am now... no wife with a boatload of mental problems. Knowing this is mostly my own fault but trying not to blame myself. No regular close friends to listen to my woes. A split family that isn't supportive (usually the opposite). No dog to walk or pet. No job to distract. No willpower to get out and socialize. I became too comfortable in my misery and could not grow.

But... 2 days ago I had a major spiritual breakthrough. Unlike anything I've ever experienced in my entire life. While sobbing I realized they weren't tears of depression, guilt, shame or self-pity. They were tears of acceptance and realization. Realization that only I can fix myself (with the help of therapy and medication of course). That it's time to stop listening to this demon in my head. To over power it with positive self-talk, grace and kindness. To love myself and not accept that "I'll never be happy again, only content with moments of joy" like I used to painfully believe. To get out of my shell and move forward. To be sober and allow myself to grieve and feel whatever emotions may come without judgement. While it's unfortunate that it took the end of my marriage to finally open my heart and eyes.

There IS hope for a better future.

I will be a whole person again.

I will be happy again.

submitted by /u/Jeffyoubetya
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "I feel lost, I could use some advice and help", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1umomjk/i_feel_lost_i_could_use_some_advice_and_help/", "author": "/u/Current-Umpire7435", "date": "2026-07-03T20:04:42+00:00", "content": "

Not sure where to begin. I apologize for broken thoughts but bear with me.

I (35F) married my husband (35M) in 2023. We dated for 4 years and lived together for 1 year before that. 2 months after the first anniversary he walked in through the door and asked for a divorce. His words - "I dont feel a connection with you. Never have. I thought I will have that attraction to you physically and mentally once we are married but I dont feel it. You loved me so much and you are kind so I thought Ill eventually love you like you love me, but I cant".

My world shattered. In my mind we were just starting our lives and the first year is the hardest so I was just living in my own world I guess. I loved him with everything I had, loyal, took care of finances with him, handled most house chores. I never really had an issue with it because I was frankly so happy to marry the love of my life. The age when we should be talking about kids and other things I just couldnt grasp what was happening to me. I moved out 2 months after that, and after 2 years of separation, the divorce is going to be finalized next week.

Im not really sure what Im looking for here. Its embarassing to say it out loud but Im just too miserable. Now Im an independent woman who has taken care of herself since 21. I have a very supportive family, no childhood traumas that would make me act so desperate for love, and for love from him, but I cant stop crying lately. I thought I was getting a grip this year on things but these last 2 months have been absolutely horrible. He destroyed my confidence by telling me he has never been actually attracted to me. Im 5'4 at 120 pounds, I workout 3 days a week, eat healthy and very particular about my appearance. I have had men in the past wanting to leave their gfs for a date with me. Im very spiritual and have solid morals that always guided me to do things the right way. I didnt let age scare me into marriage. I took my time, found the right partner (yea in hindsight I know how that sounds), but on paper he was a perfect match, I fell in love, we travelled together, talked about our hopes and dreams..nothing he ever said or did showed me he is faking it all! How does somebody just walk away from all that we had?

So we really come down to this, I know I need to be thankful Im out of this relationship, and I should be angry and disgusted with him, but I cant stop missing him, our life. My cruel brain loves to create a slideshow of best moments together, where I was so blissfully happy and then the rug was just pulled from under me. Im in therapy for 2 years, I talk to my friends and family regularly. He is already dating and seems happy. There is no remorse, no guilt. Why am I not able to just move on and stop feeling like a victim (which I am), I really want to stop feeling this way and get a control of my thoughts and emotions. Im not sure what to do with all these confusing feelings. Does it get better ? Or do you have to learn to live with this pain? Anybody who has been through this, what helped you stop obsessing over the future that no longer exists and a past that weighs too much on thoughts every day?

submitted by /u/Current-Umpire7435
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "8 Month Check In!", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1ukplui/8_month_check_in/", "author": "/u/Careful-Track-5343", "date": "2026-07-01T15:55:13+00:00", "content": "

So like all divorce it's been a wild ride. I'm very blessed to not have kids with my ex-wife and glad she lives a whole State away from me.

She left/I told her not to come back beginning of November 2025. I'm not going to lie November to March 2026 were some VERY, VERY dark times for me personally.

I did the typical post break up crap, gym and all that. But I sought out council from my Priest and have a therapist. I think having some spiritual guidance 100% aided me in my recovery. I also took a lot of time to watch YouTube videos and audio books about toxic relationships and recovering from those. I don't think I'll ever make a 100% recovery from the emotional abuse and manipulation and I'm cool with that.

I found myself working out for me and not for the revenge body. I was in great shape pre marriage and in good financial standings too. I did put on about 80 pounds during the marriage at my heaviest. I want this comeback to be 100% about me. I don't want to give my ex wife any credit for the hard work I'm now doing. I'm about 60 pounds down from my heaviest and the finances are making a return!

I also didn't sleep/whore around with women during this time period. It also doesn't hurt that I live in a place where there's NO eligible women in my small town. This ended up being my biggest blessing because I was able to get rid of the need for female validation for me to feel whole inside. Don't get me wrong getting validation and attention from the opposite gender always feels good. But if you need that validation to survive you can get into more toxic relationships, so I've found out. I've been in 3 toxic relationships and I have no doubt that my need for female validation was the root cause of that.

I do miss her from time to time when she was wearing her nice "mask". But even that was just for show. I'm accepting that she probably never really loved me because of how she is.

Keep plugging away everyone! It does get so, so, so very much better!

God Bless!

submitted by /u/Careful-Track-5343
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "Seeking perspective on leaving vs. staying to protect the kids in emotionally abusive marriage", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1uitz1d/seeking_perspective_on_leaving_vs_staying_to/", "author": "/u/Most-Employer3779", "date": "2026-06-29T14:24:50+00:00", "content": "

My marriage has become extremely volatile and full of emotional abuse. If it were just me, I would have left by now, but my primary concern is protecting my children. I want what is best for them, no matter the cost... but I don't know what the best thing for them is. I want to protect them, but I am afraid that leaving will actually end up hurting them more. I thought that maybe if you guys could share your experience, perspective, advice, etc. that I might be able to get some perspective to help me make the best decision for my kids.

To give some context-
Short version: My husband is like two totally different people - at times he is loving and laid back, at other times he is irrational, wrathful, and emotionally abusive. He yells at me and/or the kids daily. When he gets upset, he insults and criticizes me relentlessly, attacking my character, values, friends, family, spirituality, etc. His emotional abuse is usually targeted at me and not the children, but I believe that is because they are sweet and small (5 yo). As they get older, I am sure it will extend to them more and more. He has said terrible things in front of our kids. They try to intervene and ask us to stop fighting OR hide to get away from his yelling. When we plead with him to stop, he won't. He hates people in general and prefers to keep us isolated. He doesn't want the kids to go to public school because he thinks they will be brain-washed. A recent blow up caused him to tell my daughter that I love our son more than him. He realized his mistake and apologized immediately, but it was devastating to her and to me. The next morning, instead of silently brooding, I wanted to communicate openly and make a promise to each other that we would never say anything like that to the kids again and that we would try not to fight or say hurtful things in front of them to protect them going forward. This enraged him and he said he would not agree to that and he wouldn't grovel because he made one tiny mistake... I tried to tell him that I didn\u2019t want him to grovel, I just wanted us to try to protect the kids from conflict going forward, but I couldn\u2019t get a word in. He was yelling and ranting that everyone else in the world can make as many mistakes and sin as much as they want but he can't make one mistake (then went into insulting specific people in my family and friends and me). It ended with him telling me to get the fuck away from him. He left for a few hours and came back and acted like everything was normal. This instance kind of summarizes the situation and has made me question if it would be emotionally safer for the kids if we separated/divorced. However, I am concerned about custody if I were to try this route. Most likely, it would end with shared custody and then the kids will still be subject to his emotional abuse 50% of the time without me there to protect them. He has said during arguments before that if we get divorced, he would try to get full custody. That terrifies me. He has also said that we should make the kids choose between us if we divorce; that he would make sure the kids know that I tore our family apart, etc. The things he does and says make me 100% certain that he would not have the kids best interest at heart, and would not try to protect them from the difficulty of a divorce. Instead, he would take it out on them and they would be made to suffer all the more...

I guess I am looking for perspective - if you were in a similar situation, what did you do and how did it work out? How did custody turn out? How has it affected the kids? What are you glad that you did OR that you wish you did differently?

OR from the kids perspective - did you have an emotionally volatile/emotionally abusive parent? What did the other parent do and how did it affect you? I'd love to hear from the kids perspective from people whose parents stayed together AND parents who divorced. I think that could really help me get some perspective and clarity.

submitted by /u/Most-Employer3779
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "Still Challenged Years After Divorce", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1ub39r3/still_challenged_years_after_divorce/", "author": "/u/GrandCauliflower3298", "date": "2026-06-20T18:08:15+00:00", "content": "

Tl;dr. Can't move on from the love of my life, didn't want divorce but I messed up royally, hurt her and she did, life goals shattered, I did so much work to improve myself and meet her needs, she still lives nearby and I feel stuck.

I (45m) did not want the divorce. I loved my ex-wife (44f) beyond words. I loved being married to her, who she was as a person, our story together and the future we had planned. We were married 9 years, together 11 total when she left after a long period of disconnection and fighting, and I was losing my mind from stress of work, illness and immaturity at the time. It was also two years after we had moved home to Chicago to settle-down after living on the West Coast for a few years. We had planned for years to have a family, and in fact were in the process of searching for a home to purchase and trying to conceive when she, alongside that journey, rented her own apartment, planned her departure and told me she was leaving. She said one day, "I've moving into my own place, and I probably want a divorce." She moved into her new apartment that week, about one mile from our shared place, where she resides to this day. At first there was hope, as we took space and she said she realizes she did love me; but about a month later she was telling me, "I am going to date other people and I will let you know if I decide to sleep with somebody but for now I will not." She was not communicating clearly what she wanted me to change, and I was not asking, just assuming. Communication between us was so underdeveloped around challenging topics. That was June 2019. I was devastated. I decompensated and fell apart, becoming the most fractured version of myself I'd ever been.

The divorce was not finalized until November 2020. In the time between separation and divorce, we saw each other regularly, intermittently for periods of time, sometimes spending as much as 3-4 evenings weekly with each other. There was never physical intimacy. Never a night-over except a concert out-of-state to see Leon Bridges, and there was 'alluded to' talk of reconciliation from her. I immediately went into, "what have I done wrong and how can I fix it" mode, focusing on everything from my general anxiety, weed-smoking, lack of self-love, rigidity, family dynamics and values and beliefs. Threw myself into self-help books, was already doing therapy but stepped that up to 2x weekly, and expressed to her that I was committed to changing. Our communication was terrible though, and mostly I just fawned, following her lead as she sent me mixed messages and I further decompensated. I would run to her, wanting to talk, and then freeze-up and lose my ability to speak and just sit there around her, hanging out. I did everything "wrong," so far as boundaries and communication go in that sense. It was me who first filed for divorce after one year of periods of communication and no contact, when I found out she had reconnected with her first boyfriend and was dating him long distance. I snapped internally. I remember feeling downright manic at the courthouse when I filed, as I felt like I was taking control back over my life. When she found out I filed, she said that "surprised her," and I told her, I only did that out of desperation, I don't really want a divorce. If you want it it's yours and YOU have to see it through."..And she did. It broke me. I shattered. Over and over.

In fact, I had become a terrible husband to her, but not because I didn't love her and didn't want to be with her - I wanted her more than anything in the world; but of course, she came to believe I did not truly love her or care for her. It took me years to reconstruct what had happened between us. the clarity I write with now came fractured, in bits and pieces, over time. Part of my healing included being told by my therapist I am an autistic man, and then getting formally examined and diagnosed through a psychologist. As I slowly learned what I had done - gone from being grounded in what is truly important and sharing reality with my spouse, to becoming an anxious, critical, insecure, self-absorbed bore, focusing on being a "provider" as we prepared for family, I had pushed her away. And neither she nor I could truly communicate, nor understand what was happening. We both were raised by very dominant fathers, both high-functioning autists, highly-successful and loving but fragile men, with substance-abuse issues, anxiety and a controlling nature with their partners and children.

I knew I didn't want to be my dad. How did I become that way? I decided to become a therapist - I made that choice because I saw it as something enthralling that I could maintain to raise a family. Easy, right? No. Bad choice. It was so hard. But I never gave up, to mine and our detriment. I started that journey right after we married, and matriculated through school and early years in community mental health, where I was constantly overwhelmed by both the work, and our choice to move cities - I now understand how much I struggle with change. I had a lot of unresolved trauma from time spent in the army when I was young, and persistent bullying and rejection as a child, teen and on a deployment, and it was brought to the surface by said stressors. We drifted from each other. The anxious side of my fearful-avoidant baseline - something that was dormant for the first many years of our relationship as we were so close to each other, came to the surface. I did not comprehend what was going on. I was just panicked. It felt like I was losing my person. The realities of fear became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I could not see how my own behavior and failing to take care of myself was pushing her away, but I felt it. I frequently would ask her, "Is something wrong," or "am I being a good husband, you seem unhappy?" or "What is bothering you?" stuff like that, and the answer was always, "I'm fine." In fact, she was not, and afraid to tell me because of my emotional lability, afraid I would react in an emotionally-charged way. I was a mess. And my anxiety grew, and I lost my mind. As far as our relationship went, I felt like she had 'flipped a switch," and gone cold for years, and I was waiting for her to come around, and I focused my energy into denial of the situation, taking care of my struggling health, and establishing myself in my career further so I could provide for the family we planned. When she left, she unloaded on me over time all the pain I had caused her. I cried ever morning for over a month thinking about her and what it felt like to her to deal with me for so long. I resolved to change and threw myself into working on myself. That continued for years. I did...

Adult Children of Alcoholics: 5 years of meetings and worked the steps. There were a lot of assumptions about how "things are supposed to be' in relationships that were skewed, entitlement, emotional reactivity, understanding boundaries, anxiety to work through. I'm barely scratching the surface here.

Countless Books, Self-study, workbooks on codependency, emotion regulation, DBT, general deep work on self-compassion, self-love, clarifying values, clarifying my relationship with God, healing the inner child, cultivating the relationship with myself, accepting the loss, focusing on what I can control, forgiving myself, so on and so forth.

Got medicated for ADHD because I have that too - massive life-changer; and gabapentin - also a life changer, to help with overstimulation. Built a life around stress and stimulation management that is more healthful and full. I use alcohol and weed sparingly, and cope in healthy, intentional ways.

3 Therapists over the years, including EMDR around the relationship and other trauma reprocessing: I got support and went through the pain of seeing why and how I got bullied and taken advantage of over the years. How I came to be a fearful-avoidant person. Learned to accept myself, forgive others. Learned how to, as a very deep-feeling person with trauma, stay in my heart. I'm much more secure now. I truly love and am happy with who I am.

Autism community groups for support and self-acceptance: I had to work on learning to communicate pragmatically and learning to manage sensory needs and understand social situations with nuance. I am still learning that. I know I can never navigate socially with the ease many others have, even if I can blow people away with a one-on-one conversation and turn on some wit and confidence for a period in a group of people. Yeah, I'm a master-masker if I try. I don't much. It is easier for me to understand others than myself. I process things very slowly, especially my own emotions. With managing autism and stress also comes healthy diet and managing my autoimmune condition, and I am stable there.

I basically worked on myself non-stop for over 6 years, and threw myself into my work, hobbies, worked on friendships, dated, and ...I grew. One day I realized, I'll always grow, but the earnestness with which I was working on bettering myself for years was starting to send the message, "I am not ok as I am." I still have spiritual and self-growth practices but I'm ok to just live this life now. I don't need to be perfect. And sometimes I was avoiding grief by working on me..."If I just get better, maybe I'll be good enough for her," was the subconscious operative.

And yet, she still lives nearby, and I feel haunted. I have not fully moved on. I've tried so hard. It's crushing to me sometimes. I can't seem to truly bond with another person again at the level I once did with her. I always felt like I was meant for only one person. I built my life around her. It's hard for me to relate to most people now, even other autistics - most of my friends have autism and/or ADHD but I feel like this freak chimera because of the work I do and the insights that gives me into how to be human and live with the others. I see her out and about occasionally from a distance, and I see her car regularly - it's very hard logistically to avoid her as I still live and work in the same neighborhood she lives. I once questioned her motives, judged her when she was at her worst in her pain, became fearful and untrusting of her, felt used; but now I see she was just trying her best and needed to get away from what I had become - an emotionally abusive, jerk. I know she loved me. Even if she fell out of it...I don't know if she cheated on me - doubt it, I've long-since forgiven if she did, though I did get the, 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you," line when she left. She is a flawed person, like me, but I now look back and see two people who were trying their best, but took on too much and would have benefitted from knowing who and what they were.

But this was my person. I'd been in love before her but not like THAT. I related to her unlike any person I ever had known before, or after. She got me, and I got her...Until we didn't. I look back and see my becoming a therapist put so much pressure on me - there was so much dissonance as I didn't understand I was autistic and that's why the work was initially so challenging and difficult (I think every newby-therapist person has a hard time learning to do what we do, but I was learning EVERYTHING about how people work from the ground on up), and I did not understand she was as well in her own life (her mom told me she is autistic right before she left me but I didn't understand). I put so much pressure on myself to be what I thought I needed to be, and then I tried to "fix' her as well...neither of us needed to be "fixed." I didn't realize what I was doing. We were fine, until I did that. It led to me thinking she was not good enough for me for a time, and she felt that.

Let me be clear: I messed up, on so many levels, repeatedly, and could not make changes even when I knew I had to, not just because I am disabled: Some of it was the jerk ways I was taught by my father to be controlling, disrespectful, no filter, using substances, and feeling unconsciously entitled. Some of it was just...me. I needed to take responsibility, believe in myself and change.

I don't have her in my life. I would say that is the hardest part. I still miss her. She did not remarry. She did not have children. Even if she hates me and cannot be with me, I wanted that for her. I want her to be happy. Instead all that work, all those years, and THIS is how we both end up? She says she is happy. I want that to be the case. But the little communication we have had over the years, and from what I hear from friends on social media, suggests otherwise. I have written her sporadically over the past several years, asking for a conversation because I'm finally calm enough to have one. She declines. She says she is ok. But she'll blame me for her not having kids. She rewrites the narrative of our relationship to say I "duped" her, that I was not who I said I was, that I changed immediately after marriage (I did, I was thought I was supposed to fulfill I role and became my father). She does not understand the real me is who I am now - the person I showed her those first couple years before marriage, the me, unmasked. She brought that out in me, gave me permission to be me...Until I was who I was not. Her narrative and understanding of our then-shared reality is very different from my own.

Gosh damn, if I could go back I would have made SO MANY different choices, because our relationship and her were what was most important to me in life. Now, I can't bring myself to truly have the life I wanted with another person. I just can't and don't, let another person in fully. I've tried. Believe me I've tried. But I keep coming back to missing her. She and her family, who I cherished and felt closer to than my own, refer to me as "persona non-grata." They are convinced I am a narcissist - She and her mother told me so. I went down that rabbit hole too - studied narcissism and identified as one until the autism-diagnosing psychologist told me I do not have a personality disorder (I went to him telling him I suspected I did). I still ugly cry. Cried for a day straight last fall. The grief is not as intense as it once was, replaced by deep sadness. I let it soak and I swim in it when it comes, then I move on. Over and over. Days become weeks become years. I live alone now. I have a cat. I'm greying. My body hurts. My parents are not long for this earth. Not close to my siblings. Sometimes I wish I didn't hand my gun into the police 5 years ago rather than eat the bullet. I thought about volunteering for Ukraine but chickened out. I know how to go on. I just do. Life goes on. Damnit. But it's so darn hard to find and maintain peace, when it feels like she stayed away and we didn't get back together, because I could not communicate clearly to her, I could not tell her that her assumptions about me were wrong, I just shut-down and fawned. it seems I would not be here, we might be together, if she understood how deeply I loved her. This is my life now? THIS? I have so much, but I don't have what was always most important to me: the love of my life and family.

I wish she would tell me something like, "I know it was real, all of it, and I know you tried your best, and I know you truly and deeply loved me, but I was just to hurt and didn't do my own work and I cannot let you back in." ...that is how it appears to me...but instead it's this incredibly painful narrative she constructed. I don't know what to do. 7 years since it went to shit and I'm still hung up like this. Man o man. Thanks for reading.

EDIT: I'm adding my response to a comment below, to give more context to why this is so hard for me. Just too tired to do anything but copy and paste it:

I think there's something to what you say, but it's not as you lay it out like this. There is that part of me that wants to 'save' others from what I went through, and that was certainly active when I went through everything I did with her early on in separation and I was watching her go through the thrill of self-discovery, making friends for the first time and exploring herself - I had caused trouble in the relationship doing that myself in grad school (never strayed like she did though); but it's more complicated than that. I want to latch on to what you're saying because then I have this thing to focus on and improve myself, and I don't have to sit in the tragedy of it all. It's ultimately hard to let go because of the following:

Yes, she made mistakes. She wanted to explore herself. She was curious about dating others. She was feeling trapped by my behavior in the marriage and wanted her independence. And she was very angry, waking-up to her emotions that had been building so long. How she processed that is not my fault - yes there was my poor behavior, but she never shared with me how I was hurting her along the way and I can't read minds. When she did at last, it was feedback for me and I felt terrible, but she was avoidant and didn't have to wait until it all spilled-over for her and then flood me with it.

Ultimately, I'm hung-up because of the following: overstimulation, my tendency towards repetitive behavior, my own unacknowledged anger towards her, and more than anything, my fearful avoidant attachment, got in the way of reconciliation. It was just so tragic, and stupid frankly.

At the time after she left, I could not read between lines, and she would tell me she wanted to hang-out, and that she wanted "us to get to know each other again." Because that was open-ended, and I was aware she was thinking of dating others, and she was not saying she wanted me back and wanted to work on things direrectly, combined with the shock of her leaving, I just couldn't feel safe enough to be calm, follow her lead and understand her need for that, and let the two of us bond again naturally over time. It's like my brain could not speak English and infer, at all. Instead, I could not make sense of what she was saying (it was too indirect for me), and I would sabotage our time together. I would say or do things out of anxiety, that were efforts to control the situation, and she would pull back. She would have her own strong emotional responses to these behaviors, and the same situation more or less that had come to be for us as a couple under one roof, continued to play out while we saw each other while living separately. We would go at it like this for a while, then there would be distance, and eventually she would come back to give things another try with me. This went on, on and off, from the time we separated and for months even after the divorce finalized.

And I was just at a loss. I was being told by people in my life that I needed to be the one to "take control," as I was the one who was more capable. but I did not know under the circumstances, that meant have an understanding over what had happened and her needs and what I was doing that was putting pressure on. It was the kind of blind spots and behavior that can only come from deeply-impaired people. I was literally regressing and losing skills on top of it, basic social skills. Such as losing the ability altogether to speak- something that has plagued me throughout life when under duress. Nobody was at the helm of that ship. Nobody had the insight, skills and maturity. Not me, not her.

I'll give an example. I would ring her door buzzer unannounce - anxiety, fear and grief having built-up for me and forgetting about the fact there is a boundary there and it's inappropriate. She would let me up, and I would do or say something offensive after an hour or so, and she'd send me packing. Once, a month or so after divorce was finalized, I rang her buzzer, and she said "what do you want." I said, "to talk." She lets me up and then says, "why do you keep doing this?" I asked, 'Why do you keep letting me up?" She said, "I don't know. I must be doing so for a reason, huh?!" And I just stood there dumbfounded. I didn't get it. That time, as was often the case (because this happened probably a dozen times), my fearful side panicked, I eventually said something offensive, and she sent me on my way. I would then take days to understand I had done something wrong, and knock myself...And then try again. Just insane.

I never got to really tell her who she was to me either. She would make all these assumptions, telling me she thought I wanted someone more feminine, or that I married her too quickly, or that I really did not like who she was....And I would just stare at her, because in my mind and heart nothing could be further from the truth! I could not comprehend how she would think this, and I would be so overwhelmed with thought and emotion, I was rendered frozen. And my silence would confirm her conclusions...It took me a couple years to understand that. This is how much I struggled. I would be so compartmentalized, holding it together for work, and for my self-care and self-growth efforts, but just dying inside. For years. And clarity just trickling in, slowly over time.

The summation of all these experiences we shared, and my freeze and fawn responses, were that she came to believe I was just getting an 'emotional fix,' seeing her, but that I was not truly serious about wanting her back. Making it worse, things got to the point where I simply never told her directly, "I want you back," because in my mind if I did this, she would reject me further and it had to come from her. Begging had not worked, after all. When in fact the core issue was that she had been feeling rejected by me for so long and she really needed that from me with authenticity. She needed me to show her how much she meant to me. I was trying. But my ability to dig deep and show that was just so impaired. I was just too fearful at the time. Too restricted internally. It was maddening for me. So maddening internally. I wanted to show her who she was to me. What I could muster was not enough for her though. And I started to believe maybe there was something else going on for me. Started to think maybe she was right. Maybe I did not truly want her....I spent years examining my parts and that question, over and over, only to always come back to my truth, that I wanted her no matter what. Even if she could never communicate like I can, she was always the person I could relate to no matter what. It was autism, trauma, and attachment issues that got in the way. Not her. I love who she is as a person. Always did.

I hope that makes things clear. It's so easy for me to want to believe something else - easier to believe I have some complex, and go down the rabbit hole of healing that, than it is to see the tragedy of it all and sit with that. And don't get me wrong, I know it was not all me and the dynamic - there was plenty of selfishness and failure to put herself in my shoes as well. I feel where the "savior complex" does apply, is me internally saying, "oh my God, story of my life, tragedy of autism and the upbringing we both had." I can't blame myself there - we both loved each other s deeply. How can I ever feel love like that again? This was not my first, but it was special beyond anything I ever wanted for. She was special to me.

It's so hard to move on when I know "what happened' from my side, and that she DID want to get back together - It was confirmed for me - she later acknowledged this, like 2-3 years after the fact when we had a run in and I asked. Just brutal.

submitted by /u/GrandCauliflower3298
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "My wife has made 3 major life decisions over 10 years that have financially devastated our family. I love her, but I no longer trust her judgment.", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1u8hrcu/my_wife_has_made_3_major_life_decisions_over_10/", "author": "/u/FartVaderTheForce", "date": "2026-06-17T18:07:18+00:00", "content": "

**TL;DR;**

I\u2019m writing this because I genuinely don\u2019t know if I\u2019m being unfair, resentful, or if I\u2019m seeing a pattern that I should no longer ignore.

I\u2019ve been married for 10 years. We have 3 children.

My wife is highly educated (PhD level, works in science/public health). I work in Cyber Security. I tend to be very future-oriented, strategic, and always planning 5\u201310 years ahead.

The problem is there seems to be a recurring pattern where major life decisions are made emotionally, against my advice, and the consequences repeatedly set our family back years financially.

Crisis #1 (2016):

I was living in Canada preparing to move to France to marry her. I was working 15-hour shifts making around $1000/week trying to save money to buy a car and business equipment before moving.

I asked her to wait a little longer before visiting because I was living with my elderly aunt in a 1-bedroom apartment. Instead, she booked a flight anyway.

I suddenly had to spend roughly $800/week on Airbnb accommodation because there was no room for us.

Then shortly after, she got a new job opportunity. I warned her that although the startup claimed they had a flexible culture, she should show up early and make a strong first impression. She regularly arrived late (sometimes 10 AM or later). She was fired within one month.

All my savings disappeared and my plans collapsed. Supporting her and myself and elder in aunt in two separate countries. She didn't got another job until the next 8 months.

Situation 2 (2020):

We later moved back to Canada.

At that point, she was earning roughly $110k and I had just gotten a promotion earning about $75k.

We had a young child and I had a very clear plan:

Buy a house immediately. Rent out extra rooms and basement. Build equity and create financial stability. She burned out at work and wanted to resign.

Her employer offered part-time work temporarily.

I strongly advised her to stay until year-end so we could secure mortgage approval first.

She resigned anyway.

Financial pressure immediately increased as I worked through the weakening Canadian economy, trying to build a business and support a new born baby without any extra family help.

I started using business credit lines and credit cards to cover shortfalls.

Five months later I lost my own job. We lost our house-buying opportunity and never recovered financially.

Example 3 (This year):

She got an amazing job offer in France for \u20ac80,000/year - Semi-remote.

We relocated internationally with all 3 kids based entirely on this opportunity.

I had a full strategy:

Enroll in language school and uplevel my IT skills with French certificatation from French University for more employability in France, while growing my business in Europe.

Ship the remaining tools and equipment to work.

Eventually purchase a vehicle and start side income.

Lower our living costs (France would cost us about half compared to Canada). 8000CAD vs 4500 CAD Monthly for our family of 5.

She signed the contract. Worked only one day. Came home saying she hated the environment and wanted to quit.

The company even reduced office attendance requirements, offered transport, lunch vouchers, and an extra \u20ac1000 incentive to stay for at least 6 months.

I begged her not to quit immediately. I asked her to secure another job first before resigning - as a second recruiter had "promised her a job in urgency". She resigned anyway. The second job ended up rejecting her.

Now 6 months later: No new job. Language and University enrollment cancelled.

Savings almost gone. 3 kids involved.

We are down to roughly \u20ac3000 left with \u20ac1400 rent due.

Here is where I am struggling emotionally.

This doesn\u2019t feel like bad luck anymore. It feels like a repeated pattern.

Every major turning point in our lives seems to follow the same sequence:

A major opportunity appears. I create a long-term plan around it.

My wife becomes uncomfortable with something. I advise caution and patience. She ignores the advice. A high-impact emotional decision gets made.

We suffer major financial consequences. I spend years rebuilding. My wife acknowledges way afterward that she made mistakes but not really in a way to admit her decision was "emotional" - she gets triggered by this word.

I am really exhausted mentally, spiritually and financially as the same thing eventually happens again.

I love my wife. This is not about hating her.

But I have reached a point where I genuinely no longer trust her judgment when high-stakes decisions arise.

I feel mentally broken actually. I feel like every time I try to build our future, something collapses.

I am seriously considering temporarily returning to Canada alone to rebuild financially while my wife stays in Europe with the children.

My question is:

At what point does repeated poor decision-making destroy trust in a marriage?

Am I being resentful and unfair?

Or is this a legitimate reason to question whether I can continue building a future with someone whose major decisions repeatedly destabilize the family?

I genuinely want honest perspectives.

submitted by /u/FartVaderTheForce
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "Healing post divorce\u2026best next steps", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1u1mkvj/healing_post_divorcebest_next_steps/", "author": "/u/Dangerous_RedApple", "date": "2026-06-10T00:17:30+00:00", "content": "

Looking for any healing recommendations that worked for you post divorce.

Context\u2026divorced after almost 20 years with him. He was abusive and got arrested on a DV, then I immediately filed for divorce. We coparent 2, neuro-spicy kids, except I have them 97% of the time. He is unemployed from biotech so isn\u2019t contributing much. I\u2019m hoping this changes. I am back to work after three years not working to pay the bills etc. kids are in their home, new schools (but adjusting) and see dad once a month. They both have therapists and are adjusting.

Currently I\u2026work with a therapist, meet up with friends for coffee/dinner weekly, lift weights 3xs a week, walk daily, take care of all the chores etc., I have hobbies, I interact with family, you know basic stuff that doesn\u2019t say I\u2019m falling apart. I am 100% carrying a lot of mental load now though.

I\u2019m the one who called the cops and filed for divorce and if I\u2019m being honest I left our marriage ages ago from a spiritual standpoint. I just didn\u2019t have the option to leave him physically bc I didn\u2019t have the resources to do so (thank you grandma may you rest peacefully). That said\u2026

I feel gloomy! Wwwhhhyyy?!?!? During the year it took to actually complete the divorce I was never sad (maybe I was distracted with his criminal case and calls with lawyers \ud83e\udd37\u200d\u2640\ufe0f). Now though, I don\u2019t know what to do with myself. Am I over him? When I see him he just looks like another human in the world. I can\u2019t even believe he\u2019s the father of my kids. How do I know that I\u2019m ready to date and move forward?

I have a bucket list of little things to restore my space and mind- new tattoo to cover up a scar from him on my arm, new doors and paint in the house to cover the holes and broken doors, spreading a dear relatives ashes as I wasn\u2019t able to when they passed as I was eyeballs deep in divorce crap.

Am I missing anything? How does one know when they\u2019ve moved through this phase of life?

submitted by /u/Dangerous_RedApple
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "My dad cheated, had another child, and somehow I still feel protective of him", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1tonktx/my_dad_cheated_had_another_child_and_somehow_i/", "author": "/u/sneaky-lot", "date": "2026-05-26T23:11:44+00:00", "content": "

I genuinely don\u2019t know how I\u2019m supposed to feel about my parents anymore.

When I was around 8 years old, my mom told us that my dad cheated on her. He had a kid while at it too. A few months later she moved out. There was also this huge spiritual aspect attached to it where my mom believed my dad\u2019s mind had basically been \u201ccaptured\u201d spiritually and that he wasn\u2019t acting like himself. I grew up around a lot of praying for him, trying to \u201cunlock\u201d his mind, stuff like that.

My mom also said one of the reasons she stayed was because financially she couldn\u2019t take care of us the same way my dad could if they divorced. So even after separating, things stayed complicated for years. Sometimes they tried to make it work again. My dad would stay with us sometimes. It was very on and off.

But for the past 2-3 years, it\u2019s felt fully over. I honestly don\u2019t think they love each other anymore. My mom finally filed for divorce like I\u2019ve been encouraging her to and now I\u2019m conflicted.

My dad has never been an absent father. Ever. He financially supports basically all 4 kids, probably like 80% of everything. He\u2019s involved in our lives, I still talk to him every weekend, and I know he works extremely hard.

In the divorce, my mom originally said she didn\u2019t want anything from him because he already takes care of us. The main thing she cared about was making sure our names are connected to the house because she\u2019s scared everything will eventually go to the other child. But then apparently her lawyer told her she HAD to ask for something legally, so her lawyer asked for the equivalent of around $30k plus legal fees. (Where I\u2019m from, that\u2019s a LOT of money)

I genuinely don\u2019t think my dad has that kind of money sitting around. I\u2019m doing a masters in a whole different country, and he supports me financially. I know how hard he works already supporting everyone. And now the case is dragging through court because he refused the amount.

And I feel horrible and confused because part of me feels bad for HIM.

Which makes me feel disloyal to my mom because SHE\u2019S the one who got cheated on. I was literally the kid telling her \u201cjust divorce him already\u201d for years because I hated seeing her hurt.

Now recently my little sister thinks my dad might be dating someone else, and she\u2019s devastated because in her mind her parents are married. It feels like the initial cheating incident all over again. But technically my parents have basically been separated for years now, even if the divorce isn\u2019t finalized.

I feel like I\u2019ve spent my whole life emotionally inside my parents\u2019 marriage and now I can\u2019t tell what\u2019s fair anymore :(

Am I wrong for still having soft feelings toward my dad? Am I wrong for thinking my mom might be being a little unfair financially?

submitted by /u/sneaky-lot
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "Is it stupid to divorce over an unfair marriage (in my perception)?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1tkinvt/is_it_stupid_to_divorce_over_an_unfair_marriage/", "author": "/u/Lonely_Salt_4302", "date": "2026-05-22T13:14:40+00:00", "content": "

Been married ten years. Husband is not a bad guy, he\u2019s a decent husband and father. We don\u2019t connect intellectually and our worldviews/spirituality/the way we think things through don\u2019t align a lot of the time but we are able to talk, laugh, and spend time happily together.

The recurring problem is this sense of unfairness. For a long time, I told myself it was situational but it is still inequitable.

When things are good, we split finances 80/20 mostly, he pays rent and bills and sends me some money every month for groceries and such. I\u2019m the primary, default parent. It wasn\u2019t something I wanted but ended up doing since during the baby years, his work meant he was gone almost all the time - the childcare fell on me as a result of that.

With this being the case, my career really suffered and eventually, I stopped working altogether. He changed work when our child was a bit older and we have been able to share childcare a lot better the last couple of years. During that time, I have been trying to get traction for ages but every 18 months or so, he loses his job and chaos ensues.

During those times, I\u2019ve had to move back in to my parents with our child and handle 100% of childcare while he looks for work or spends all his time working. This has happened three times now - each time for several months.

It burned me out. I feel really burned out.

He says he can\u2019t be in the city my parents are in because there are no opportunities in his line of work. I get that but I am so resentful because every time I need to solo parent for months - while he sends me a pittance or nothing at all - it costs me so much. I feel tormented each time by how uncertain, angry, resentful I feel.

I used to outearn him and now I have no income. I don\u2019t understand why he can place all the childcare burden on me for his \u201ccareer\u201d while I never get the same chance to bet on myself, especially since his has proven so unstable.

I am really thinking of leaving him even though I know that would mean accepting 100% childcare and maybe financial burden just to stop feeling so resentful of him. Is this dumb? Am I cutting off my nose to spite my face? Will life be much tougher after divorce? I don\u2019t have income right now but I have a solid education, a sizeable retirement fund, and a very supportive family. I am thinking maybe it\u2019s time to just start over but I am so scared.

submitted by /u/Lonely_Salt_4302
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "spirituality", "title": "Got cheated on, discarded, and now my son is being used as a weapon against me", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1te50ym/got_cheated_on_discarded_and_now_my_son_is_being/", "author": "/u/DopeFrancis_", "date": "2026-05-15T18:35:02+00:00", "content": "

I 29m caught my wife cheating on me a little over a month ago. She ended up leaving and took my child. No sorry, no real explanation, she just left. It has been a rough month of trying to get answers and some closure. What she did do however was bring up my past mistakes and somehow shifted the blame on me for our marriage not working out. And as of recent, filed a protective order against me with half of the allegations being false and is now playing the domestic abuse card. I have never done anything to hurt her and especially our 2 year old\u2026 So after all of this, I\u2019m likely going to be restricted to monitored visits with my son. There is o telling howling that is going to be. A few days after she filed this protective order I finally had enough and filed for divorce myself\u2026 The worst part about all of this is that when I began to find more evidence that she was cheating on me and I called her out on it over text, she took it upon herself to go to some of my family members and somehow turn them against me while they were trying to help mediate our split up so I could see my son more. I have no clue what she told them, but they texted me after I called her out on the cheating with evidence and they said to never reach out to them again, that I\u2019m in my own, and that I\u2019m blocked. As far as I know, they are still helping her with our son while I\u2019m left in the dark without getting to see him. It has been almost a month since I\u2019ve seen my son\u2026 The weight of all of this is destroying me mentally, physically, and spiritually. I\u2019ve even had some serious suicidal thoughts\u2026

I don\u2019t understand how this woman I\u2019ve spent 5 years with, had a child with, and planned a future with could suddenly replace me and throw me away like I never mattered in the first place. On top of getting the court involved and trying to ruin my life. I\u2019m at a serious loss here and idk what to do anymore. I\u2019ve completely lost myself. My mental health is in the shitter, I\u2019ve lost a ton of weight since she left, and I have no motivation to do anything. I could really use some advice from people who may have been in my situation before.

submitted by /u/DopeFrancis_
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "divorce", "q": "midlife coach", "title": "Advice on acceptance and moving on? He just took his wedding ring off.", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1pglg7q/advice_on_acceptance_and_moving_on_he_just_took/", "author": "/u/Organic-Pangolin-386", "date": "2025-12-07T15:44:22+00:00", "content": "

We have been separated 6 months now, I\u2019ve moved out, and he has been distant and cold, and I am pretty sure now - indifferent to me. I had been hoping for reconciliation, though I\u2019ve tried my best to give him space despite the fact that we work together once a week. We had both kept our wedding rings on, but he just took his off this week. It feels final in a way it never had before, especially when I took mine off as well, once I saw he took his off.

I\u2019ve been sad all week, I\u2019ve been frantically looking up reconciliation tactics, but I think I need to finally accept that it\u2019s over. The last year and a half have been difficult and volatile, and to be honest, I regret a lot of my behavior - we were both going through a hard time, but I was often dismissive and invalidating to him. What I thought was a midlife crisis about himself turned out to include me in it - he had stopped tolerating my behavior. While I had been working on myself - on healing my trauma and having more accountability and being more vulnerable, working on our issues in the last few months, I think he couldn\u2019t see it because he was so hurt already. I was also pushing him away, and I know he was devastated when I said I needed space from him to figure myself out. Also, he had started seeing a therapist and I know that opened up lifetime traumas that he had avoided. She also told him I was awful to him (there\u2019s some truth to that, I had a lot to work on). As soon as we separated I got a coach and have been working hard on improving myself, but it\u2019s too little too late. I am understanding now, as well, how his behavior also fed into the dynamic, and how his behavior toward me has also been harmful throughout the years, more like a slow drip of a thousand cuts, but I can\u2019t help but feel at fault for our marriage ending. I also can\u2019t help mourning the fact that near the end, we were actually already improving ourselves to be the people we needed in our relationship.

So, how do I move on and accept that though our love was deep, and we each have worked on ourselves, that it\u2019s no longer in the cards for each other? How do I let go of fantasies that after the dust has settled, we are both healed, that a spark will come back? We are both older, late 30s/early 40s, and want kids, so I have a feeling that he will be dating very soon and will leave all thoughts about us behind. We were together 11.5 years, married for 2. Nothing has been filed so I know we will have to deal with all that eventually, but I just need advice on how to heal and move on. I\u2019ve spent way too much time ruminating, and am tired of feeling so sad and broken.

submitted by /u/Organic-Pangolin-386
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "solotravel", "q": "breathwork", "title": "1-Year sabbatical world tour - am I reckless?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/solotravel/comments/1vah3f4/1year_sabbatical_world_tour_am_i_reckless/", "author": "/u/Known_Ad8789", "date": "2026-07-30T02:42:01+00:00", "content": "

Hi everyone,

I am planning on taking a full year off to (1) explore the world, (2) reconnect to myself, (3) meet like-minded people, (4) deepen the inner work with myself, (5) potentially find a husband (you never know, serendipity and all...).

Here is my itinerary so far:

  1. Peru (4-5 weeks)
  2. France > Scotland > Morocco (5-6 weeks)
  3. Portugal > Spain (4 weeks)
  4. Nepal (4 weeks)
  5. Thailand > Bali (8 weeks)
  6. Vietnam (3 weeks)
  7. New Zealand (4 weeks)
  8. California (Big Sur, SF)

then back home.

Any thoughts? Am I being reckless in thinking I can do all of this in just 12 months?

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who responded I really appreciate all of your inputs. To answer the 3 most common questions that came up: 1) my financial situation is good; 2) I have a job to come back to after the year off; 3) I am 36F.

I am at a crossroads in my life (breakup etc.) and more than anything else I feel called to spend this year exploring our beautiful Earth. My trip would most likely start in November 2026.

Do you guys think that $50,000 to cover this trip would be enough? Some stuff I want to do (breathwork training certification, Esalen institute workshop, Aya ceremony/Machu Picchu) have high costs, but others have lesser costs (daily costs in Thailand, Vietnam, Vipassana retreat)

EDIT 2: Thank you again for all the responses (200+ in 2 days) I should have mentioned that my biggest concerns are:

  1. what some people on this thread referred to as "travel burnout" (never heard of it but I definitely felt it in the past, even after a 2-week trip.....) + I never travelled solo before.
  2. (at the risk of being downvoted:) my comfort is very important... I am NOT the kind of person who stays in mixed gender hostel dorms. Hostels are fine but if I'm sharing it has to be with other women. Also, I'd rather pay to upgrade and have a really nice bed bc having a good night sleep is a non negotiable ; from the data I gathered it looks like Abnb is a thing from the past (price wise) and that I should be focusing on hotels. Thoughts? My aim is also to meet locals so I'm thinking hotels could very much limit me....
  3. being attacked (could be a trauma response tho): even in my current city (metropolis, North America, quite safe) I get starred at a lot even when I try to be the "gray man" and blend in (little to no makeup, trying not to draw any attention). I want to be open to other people while at the same time repelling those with bad intentions. Before you suggest that I "trust your gut feeling" just know that I have a faulty compass. What are ways to meet other people while at the same time caring for your safety?
  4. re: Ayahuasca ceremony (which clearly sparked some debate and f words): I am only fluent in French and English, no Spanish, no Shipibo, or any other indigenous languages...... so not really sure how to find a proper practitioner while I am there. The 3 top-rated places I was looking at all have been endorsed by 100s of travelers on Reddit. And yes I am aware that they charge you x10 times the price. While going through the experience, I also cannot be in a bedroom that has creepy crawlers (this will for sure retraumatize me). Any additional reco in that regard?
  5. random question for the tech bros: how does the 2-step verification work if I pause my current mobile plan/don't have access to the phone #?

Thank you, and please be kind (looking at you f-word ppl), it's honestly not that serious.

submitted by /u/Known_Ad8789
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "solotravel", "q": "breathwork", "title": "Looking for itinerary advice for Agadir area, Morocco!", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/solotravel/comments/1rq1cd3/looking_for_itinerary_advice_for_agadir_area/", "author": "/u/Hungryghost02", "date": "2026-03-10T16:18:24+00:00", "content": "

I'm flying out to Agadir, Morocco from UK in less than 2 weeks. I haven't booked any accommodation yet as I'm still researching the best areas to stay, what to do, etc. I've never been to Morocco before so would really appreciate some help getting a basic itinerary together. Details as follows:

Solo male traveller, late 30s

1 week starting from Agadir airport

Dates - 22nd \u2013 29th March

Budget - Approx \u00a3500 / $673 / \u20ac577 / 7,535MAD

Want -1 or 2 main bases max., cultural exploration, chill out (sunsets, yoga, meditation, beach walks, etc.), the sea/beach, rooftop terraces, trekking/mountain scenery, cafes, quirky markets/shops, random activities (quad biking, camel rides, etc.), low-key nightlife w/some alcohol, things within walking or short taxi ride distance from base.

Don\u2019t want -More than 2 bases (moving around too much), over touristy or modernised tacky resorts or heavily urbanised areas, full-on partying/clubbing, long/stressful journeys, surfing, big spread-out places that are difficult to navigate on foot. Example itineraries:

1 \u2013 (Easiest and very chill) Base myself in Tamraght for the whole week in Northwestern area so easy walk to beach or Taghazout for more action. AirBnb with rooftop terrace. Day trips to paradise valley (anywhere else?). Ad-hoc yoga/breathwork/meditation days, cafes etc.

2 - First 3 days in Essaouira (this place looks awesome, but I need to consider the cost and time involved getting there from Agadir airport - worth it?). Then spend second half in Tamraght/Taghazout area as above but more condensed.

3 - Based in Tamraght/Taghazout area for first 5 or 6 nights then 1 or 2 nights in Agadir. This would be straightforward and bring me nice and close to the airport for the return, but from what I've read about Agadir and watching travel vlogs etc., I'm not sure I really fancy it. I don't think Agadir city seems like the vibe I'm looking for! Am I wrong?

3 - Having a second base somewhere in the foot of the Atlas mountains, so like 3 days of light trekking nature vibes. This might be nice but not sure where I'd stay exactly and feel like maybe I could just do this as day trips with option 1.

I would love your help with any of the above, even if it's a totally different itinerary all together! Thanks

submitted by /u/Hungryghost02
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "digitalnomad", "q": "life coach", "title": "US citizen living in Australia, trying to land remote work with a US company (agile coach/scrum master background) \u2014 has anyone actually pulled this off?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/digitalnomad/comments/1wm08y3/us_citizen_living_in_australia_trying_to_land/", "author": "/u/clementinediner", "date": "2026-09-21T02:28:02+00:00", "content": "

Hey all, looking for real experience here rather than generic job search advice.
I'm 30, a US citizen, but I moved to NZ/Australia as a teenager and have basically built my whole adult life and career here. I've never actually worked in the US, so I'm trying to figure out what's realistic when it comes to landing remote work with a US company. My background is in agile coaching and scrum mastering, also open to account management or customer service.
A few things I'm hoping people can speak to:
Has anyone actually done this? US citizen, living abroad most of their life, landed a genuinely remote role with a US company. What worked for you?

How did payroll and taxes end up working? Were you a W-2 employee, or brought on as a contractor through something like Deel or Remote.com? Curious how that affected pay or made tax time more complicated.

For the agile coaching side specifically, most "remote" listings I find are US timezone only or government contracting stuff that needs someone on US soil. Has anyone landed a coaching or scrum role with a company that actually has APAC or distributed teams?

Any recruiters or types of companies that were actually open to "remote from Australia," versus ones that just filtered you out the moment they saw where you're based?

Would love specifics if you've got them. Company names, what your outreach looked like, anything you wish you'd known before you started.

submitted by /u/clementinediner
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "digitalnomad", "q": "life coach", "title": "I Have decided to leave my country and immigrate, need some guidance", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/digitalnomad/comments/1vx10m4/i_have_decided_to_leave_my_country_and_immigrate/", "author": "/u/FTSIO420", "date": "2026-08-24T12:10:26+00:00", "content": "

(Parts of this is generated by AI to organize my thoughts, drafts and plans).

TL;DR:
Making a permanent leap out of North Africa to with ~$6,500 USD primarly seeing Brazil as the destination, open to other possibilities.
no job safety net in this runway. The decision is final and I'm going all-in. I bring a solid skill set in Corporate L&D, Knowledge Ops, and Algorithmic Trading, but I need on-the-ground advice from nomads on communities, networking hubs, and local integration strategies to turn this move into a sustainable long-term success.

Helloo,
(i tried to make this as short as possible, maybe there's some context or other parts/skills/potential plans to the equation that are missing, you can ask me about anything.)

I\u2019m preparing to launch my digital nomad journey and looking to hit Brazil (aiming for Florian\u00f3polis) as my first main base (open to other suggestions or locations, anywhere in the world).

I\u2019ve made the firm decision to move abroad permanently. I\u2019m arriving on a 90-day tourist entry (planning to extend to 180 days via Pol\u00edcia Federal or transition to the VITEM XIV Digital Nomad Visa after I land). I have ~$6,500 USD liquid runwayto give me 7\u20139 months of buffer while I build out my remote revenue streams.

My deadline to finalize all this and have an in-hand plan and starting execution : Mid-November.

I\u2019d love some feedback, sanity checks, or advice on my transition plan, remote strategy, and backup options from experienced nomads.

I\u2019m making this leap for a fresh cultural start and personal growth. I don't have a guaranteed corporate safety net on arrival, so I'm relying on my runway, my core skills, and execution under pressure to make it work. I\u2019d love some guidance.

About Me & Situation

Primary Skill Set & Remote Strategy

My background is a mix of L&D / Corporate Training, Knowledge Operations, and Customer Experience (CX) management.

The Goal: Target US/EU-based companies for remote L&D Specialist, Instructional Design, or Ops/CX Contractor roles (W-8BEN), or move all in in trading and private equity management.

The UTC-3 timezone in Floripa gives me a huge advantage to overlap directly with US EST/EDT working hours, but open to have any schedule as needed, i am a Workaholic and don't bother hard work if it's fruitful.

Backup Strategy & Side Track

Questions for the Community:

1. Communities & Integration (Pre-Arrival & On the Ground)

2. Networking & Finding Opportunities

3. Survival & Growth Advice for Going "All-In"

If you were me : What would you advise me to do.

If you were in my current situation, $6.5k in runway, and a background in L&D/Ops/Trading, how would you structure the exit ? what would you do, how would you plan it ?

Finally : I am doing it, but give me the reality check on what to expect and what to look for.

The decision is final. i am moving with this plan, whatever the place/country/city/place, What can you give me or advise me, how can i plan this, how can i resolve the open loops in my head with all the questions and anxiety of this life changing plan/chapter..

submitted by /u/FTSIO420
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "digitalnomad", "q": "coaching program", "title": "Change of location in Europe for a at least a few months. I\u2019d appreciate any advise from fellow nomads", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/digitalnomad/comments/1vlev6y/change_of_location_in_europe_for_a_at_least_a_few/", "author": "/u/Substantial-Gas-2828", "date": "2026-08-11T11:31:38+00:00", "content": "

Hi everyone,

I'm a 32-year-old male, digital nomad, currently living in Madrid but my house contract is up very soon and I\u2019m considering some change.

After a very difficult few years mentally, I've been working on improving my mental health through therapy and lifestyle changes, and I've decided that I want to seriously focus on my fitness for the next chapter of my life.

I've never been consistent with the gym or exercises. Whenever I tried in the past, I would lose motivation very early on before seeing meaningful results. Looking back, I think I simply didn't give myself enough time or follow a structured plan. One dream I've had since I was very young is to have a fit body, and I really want to invest in that.

I'm considering spending 2\u20133 months somewhere else in Europe to change air a bit as my accommodation contract in Madrid is up very soon, with the main goal of transforming my fitness, losing fat, and getting toned. I'd also benefit from good coaching as I'm pretty inexperienced.

I'm looking for recommendations for:

\u2022 \u2060Cities or countries in Europe that are great for this kind of goal (eg I was considering Portugal, Austria or the Netherlands)
\u2022 \u2060Great gyms or transformation-focused fitness centers in Europe if you're aware of any (and if you think a gym is better or vice versa in this case)

I'm open to anywhere in Europe. Portugal, Austria, the Netherlands, Italy, Croatia, Greece, or somewhere else entirely. Or even an island in Spain if you have any recommendations.

If you've done something similar yourself or know of a gym, coach, or program that you'd highly recommend, I'd love to hear about it. Any other tips or recommendations are appreciated. I really hope a year from now I can come back to my post here with good progress and thank everyone once again.

Thank you!

submitted by /u/Substantial-Gas-2828
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "digitalnomad", "q": "coaching program", "title": "DN experience around whole africa", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/digitalnomad/comments/1ryfzmt/dn_experience_around_whole_africa/", "author": "/u/fifty--two", "date": "2026-03-19T23:24:45+00:00", "content": "

hi DN folks

After so many drafts here it is

Been DNing around entire africa for 5 years , usually between September and June , and after reading lot of threads + posts in reddit , i decided to use my keyboard to bring and share my experience , cause i saw few unanswered questions , tiny mistakes , but also some BS from people who talk about places despite the fact they never been there

I will give you my feedback about cities where i spent between 1 and 2 months each time , some i already went back again cause i really liked it, and then some general tips to make your life easier

As there are lot of places i wont go after each one in deep details otherwise it will be too long , if you have questions about some cities in the list feel free to ask

In general , each of them are ok in their own way , of course perfect place on earth doesn't exist , but none are like hopeless shitholes (hi donald \ud83e\udd21\ud83e\udd2c\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc7b) , it's just a question of tradeoffs

So it's up to what you need/hate/want/refuse/like/tolerate/etc...... Each can be a good base to easily visit the rest of the country at your own pace

I don't remember any place where i would absolutely NEVER return , just i can't be everywhere at same time so i need to decide of course , but rather if i do come back it will be under different configuration for some cases = better estimate my budget , buy everything i need before , avoid winter / rainy season , sometimes do better leisure planning before arrival, do not hesitate to postpone my trip to find better accomodation , take more days off to enjoy , etc ....

Some spots i will very likely hit soon

And some which might happen probably in late 2026 , no concrete plans yet , but brainstorming is in progress

Before starting with "why you dont go to ******" , let me answer your question = i can't go everywhere for legal/technical reasons , however for holidays yes i can , but then its not digital nomad anymore , just regular tourism

Afterwards my tour will be probably over, then i will return to the places i liked the most or let other factors (flight prices , mood , weather , etc.....) influence the journey

I will probably come back later to edit this post about future plans , updates or to answer questions in this thread . However if it will be archived already i will create a sequel version next year

How do i proceed ? Well most of the time i follow the same pattern in 4 steps = airbnb + flights + visa + coworking

  1. Accomodation

Hotels are nice for few days or weekends only , so in my case i usually look for flats with basic needs like real kitchen + basic internet (just to avoid using too much mobile data)

Now i know everywhere the short term rental matket is artificially inflated and don't reflect the local situation , so in some places you will get incredible deals , others will be full of overpriced craps , but usually you can find decent offers if you are flexible about dates and requirements

As i dont work much from home (or try to avoid it) but in coworking spaces , internet at home is more like a bonus to check emails + google flights so i dont always need it

Maybe there i wasnt lucky , but besides Sao Tome and Banjul , no big complaints about internet in africa

In many african countries , utilities are prepaid , (you can easily buy credit in shops or by mobile , then enter the voucher in the control panel or in online account) , so unless you have to pay by yourself (in rare cases like cabo verde) i would recommend to ask your host before you arrive to ensure all will be loaded enough for the duration of your stay

  1. Flights

Travelling to africa is "affordable to some extent" , however travelling within africa is usually expensive , and its clearly not for average workers

Domestic return flights on the continent are in the range of (based on what i have seen) 70\u20ac to 350\u20ac , and its even higher in mozambique , but beware it's based on data i have witnessed since 2023 , so all the post covid batsh*t banana happening around the world could push some fares higher

For international flights , sky is the limit

Don't start with your "but i can travel from SFO to LAX for 300$" or "i can cross entire europe for 50\u20ac with ryanair" cause , very long story short (as this topic on his own deserve a thread so i could explain) = These are not the same markets and the dynamics are different

To give you an example , pick up flights between some random african capital cities on google flights and see how that goes

So few solutions to travel around the continent

Airlines like Turkish, Egyptair, AirLink or Ethiopian can offer very good jaws or one-way deals but you need to be flexible with dates , layovers duration , times and destinations

Some offer layover programs , you can take advantage of it but check carefully the T&C

There are few hubs in africa like addis ababa , nairobi , casablanca , johannesburg , luanda , lome , cairo , kigali, abidjan and dakar

Chances are , you will very likely transit through one of these airports

Some city pairs have excellent connections with healthy competition , while for many its just pure madness

In my case , booking mainly one way flights (unless mandatory) , give me the flexibility at the expense of a slight increase in my budget for airlines

I think one youtuber kinda summarized it well so you can better understand my words

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ClqJAvgmlA

  1. Visas

Each case is different so i can't speak about my own as it might not apply to you, but in general many countries have their own strategies

Some are pretty open due to tourism (maldives , morocco, botswana)

Some require a travel authorisation or visa which is easy to get (cabo verde, tanzania, egypt, ethiopia, benin, ivory coast)

Some are now more accessible (mozambique , angola , equatorial guinea)

Some are a pain in the ass or impossible to get there (libya, algeria)

Some changed or are considering to change their policies (namibia , senegal)

Some are simply a lie or joke or tax or all bundled together (kenya, namibia)

Beware that situation can evolve , so what is true in 2026 won't be in future, and it goes both ways , positively and negatively

Also the path and even airline you take to a country can affect your journey , and you can simply be refused boarding by an airline even if you follow the entry rules of destination country

So use timatic to evaluate visas requirements for your journey and (if possible) always apply for the visa/authorisation before hand to avoid troubles , then just print and throw everything (visa, return ticket , accomodation) at checkin desk and immigration officers during your journey to keep them happy

4 = Coworking

Working from a home which is not yours over long periods might not always be good for health if not well equiped and internet+power might not always be guaranteed , trust me , been there done that

So now i rely on real coworking spaces , which can cost between 70\u20ac and 200\u20ac a month (ask if prices listed online are accurate and already include VAT or not), with many having dedicated power supply in case of outages or are located in multi purposes estates with their own solutions

Some names are pan-african like officephase , regus, westerwelle , impacthub , etc.... otherwise local players are also available , just check google maps or coworker.com

Only case when i had real troubles was due the continental undersea cable outage in 2024

Other topics worth the mention to give you some tips and reply to some old misunderstandings i noticed in reddit

A = Money = in many places cash is king , ATMs will give big banknotes only and little ones are like gold cause people rarely (sic) have change

In many countries , the banknotes in circulation can often be in poor condition (as they move a lot between hands before eventually returning to a bank) , while those from exchange counter are usually ok, and the best are from ATMs

B = Payment cards = i would recommend to get cards from multiple companies , the reason why is to have multi currency accounts + extra safety in case the new country you are is blocked by your fintech(s) or bank(s)

Many providers allow you to have more than one physical card tied to same account , so take advantage of it cause its usually free or require a 1 time small fee , just temporarily disable the backup cards and keep them elsewhere . Forget about NFC as a safety backup option as it's not yet widely deployed , you can't always rely on it in case of emergency

One guy i met told me his cards from citibank US never worked in nigeria for instance

Happened to me also in west africa with other fintechs , either cant use my cards at all or even login to the app isnt allowed, but nowhere it was written, thats why a V\u0420N on your mobile can also do the magic

And even if transactions were allowed by some , i got a phone call few minutes later or a nice email from the AML team asking what i am doing there , where my funds are coming from , what relationship i have with this country , etc ..... I think some won't tell publicly which countries are blocked , but you need to ask directly or check by yourself before in the T&C and always have backup solutions (i know also that revolut and wise , which are well known in reddit , blocks several african countries , you can find the lists on their websites)

Some fintechs like revolut or wise have african currencies in their portfolio , for example CFA franc (wise used to have it but its not available anymore), egyptian pounds, south african rands or moroccan dirhams , so check the local players available to you and ask if these currencies are enabled at the moment

Vivid money , by the same people behind Tinkoff if i understood correctly, used to have almost all of them , rates werent always the best for less popular currency pairs but it was great for long stays , unfortunately they suspended their multicurrency offer and no clue when it will restart

So in general this helps not wasting money in exchange fees at each transaction, cause for instances many banks charges their customers with high forex fees + markups on top of visa/mastercard rates

C = Banking

Everywhere you will see same logos , as biggest pan african banks come from South Africa (FNB + Stanbic) , Togo (EcoBank) or Nigeria (Access + GTB + UBA) and have subsidiairies with same or different names . Otherwise the rest are foreign players from UK (Standard Chartered, HSBC) , France (BNP, Societe Generale, Credit Agricole) , Qatar (QNB) or UAE (NBD, FAB, AD\u0130B)

Not sure if still available at the time you read this , but the revolut community has a dropbox file with list of many countries in which users mentionned banks which allow to withdraw money for free , very useful cause many banks charge between 2\u20ac and 5\u20ac every time

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ajifjmncdazhzm6/Revolut_FreeATM.xlsx?dl=0

question = Can we save this file here before it get lost ???

See below sample of free ATM withdrawals which arent mentionned in the file

In some countries like Sao Tome and Principe and Gambia , if i remember correctly , only Visa cards works , and in few countries there are limits on how much money you can withdraw in one shot (or maybe per day at same ATM , i am not sure)

For instance in Cabo Verde its around 200\u20ac and in Angola around 60\u20ac and Botswana around 160\u20ac

Also even if many businesses accept cards , some payment processors refuse foreign cards , so it might work at places like shopping malls , big supermarkets or international hotel chains , but not always at the the regular laundry or restaurant around the street

So always carry cash with you anyway

If you plan to stay long or come back often , you can take a look at other options , depending on the country , many banks have offers for foreign non residents , or even propose pre-paid debit cards not requiring to open a bank account

This can be interesting if travelling around ECOWAS or CEMAC countries , but beware that , despite being pegged to euros and having same name, both XAF and XOF are different currencies , so an XOF denominated card will be seen as foreign when paying a XAF transaction and therefore forex fees will apply (and vice-versa)

Similar situation with ZAR and NAD , despite the fact namibian dollar is tied to south african rands (1:1) and you can legally pay with rands in namibia banks will charge forex fees

D = Mobile payment

Once there , even if you have esim , buy a local sim card , check the mobile payment providers and pick the most popular (chances are your local mobile operator also offers mobile payment)

The biggest players on the continent are = mpesa , wave , momo money , africell money and orange money

The registration can usually be done at same time you purchase the SIM , you will need to give your passport , so better do all in once

As many small businesses , street sellers or taxi drivers dont accept cards payments and often dont have exact change , better to pay using your mobile (ATM rarely gives small bankotes)

You will often see their QR codes hanging/sticked everywhere , so internet is preferred , but you can use USSD codes or phone number for payments

\u0130n addtion to your mobile operator , if you are in west africa, get a wave account , it is not tied to a mobile operator and its easy to setup , but as of now it's not cross border , meaning if you open account in senegal , you wont be able to use the same in ivory coast or gambia

Also some mobile carriers apply geo restriction to the availability of their apps in apple/google stores , you can go around that by downloading app from another apk repo , but double check if safe

Worst case scenario you can just do factory reset to wipe out the phone once you are leaving

E = Mobile internet

Check the providers available and make your choice

Not a golden rule but usually the biggest player have the best network however competitors offer better prices

You will often see the same names across the continent = Orange , MTN , Vodacom/Vodafone , Etisalat/Moov , Airtel, etc...

Buy enough data to use your phone as a backup hotspot in case of outage

While big cities are usually ok, with 4g being expanded and 5g starting to kick off, there are still some grey areas for many reasons , keep this in mind if you plan to work in countryside

F = Electricity

https://skross.com/en/

No need for any other brand other than skross , just check what sockets the places you will visit use or not , and also buy a surge protector power strip for your important / expensive devices , you will thank me later

https://www.worldstandards.eu/electricity/spread-plug-types-map/

https://www.iec.ch/world-plugs

G = Transportation

Often a mix of pan-african and worldwide players available = indrive, heetch, yango/yandex (its the same) + uber + bolt + yego and careem are your best friends , as too often taxi drivers will see you as a cash money machine cause you are foreigner

You can usually open one single account per app and use it everywhere, no need to create one per country

If possible and not too troublesome , you can temporarly set your new local phone number in the app so drivers can reach you if needed to confirm your location + destination (even if they have a map)

Beware in some cases hail ride drivers from these apps cant always pick you up at airport, due to taxi mafias , so simply pre-arrange a ride from airport before you arrive (your hotel or airbnb host can help) , so no BS about prices.

You might pay a small premium , but it is nothing compared to what you could be charged by a fraudulent fake taxi driver

H = Healthcare

Pack few basic medecines boxes you need for travel before you leave , as sometimes recipes can change between countries , so local versions will not always hit a punch like at home

If free or cheap , get your vaccines at home , if not you can get it when you arrive (can be 10 to 20 times cheaper) but verify entry requirements

For instance yellow fever isnt always required depending where you arrive from, so check the rules carefully , and is super cheap in africa

Also if you need drugs due to pre existing conditions , buy a good stock before leaving your home country , and always carry all documents in english to prove your case

I = Insurance

Get a good yearly long term travel insurance , but read the contract to check what is covered , where , how much and for how long

I've read here that safetywing is a scam , so stay away from this crap

J = Groceries

\u0130f you are lazy you can go to supermarkets , however that way of consuming depends really where you are and what you need

\u0130n some places you have wide range of price options , with different offerings , in others its either you do it like locals or you spend a hell of a lot of money

There are exceptions , we can discuss about it , so dont start with your counter examples based on limited samples , but a significant number of big supermarkets are just franchisees of foreign chains from either southern africa (shoprite + chopees + pick n pay) , netherlands (spar) , turkey (B\u0130M) or france (auchan , carrefour , super u , casino , etc .... )

So their supply will to a various extent be influenced by the mother franchise in many cases , and you will find same products like in their home country but with an additional sticker on it for translation (if required by law due to languages) and/or a nice markup (from 20% to 300%)

K = Scams

Its life , welcome to africa

In general , if a restaurant does not have a menu , avoid it or ask for prices before ordering , and if still no answer then leave

Before buying or accepting a service or letting yourself embarked into something, stop the flow and clearly ask for the price if not written or clearly defined , and dont always automatically say yes , be ready to bargain and negotiate , if no satisfying answer simple go away and move on

Stereotypes are hard coded in our brains , and in many peoples mind , a foreigner (although not all of them) equals money , cause sometimes , especially if coming from another continent , just the flight tickets to come can cost 4 times the monthly salary of an average worker

I have read some posts in reddit complaining about the feeling of getting fooled/scammed all the time or frequently in africa

Well , first check what's going on in your own country and you will be surprised to see what type of scams are flourishing and taking advantage of ignorant foreigners or tourists

Some countries or locations are famous for more elaborated scams, like egypt for instance

So you have to spot potential risks or learn about those scams upfront and try to mitigate / reduce / avoid them.

That shop you saw where you want to buy XXXX , check what you want , return with a local person and see how that goes

if no prices written , go ask next store few meters away for same item , compare , then ask someone trustworthy if such prices are ok , then you decide and be ready to negotiate

That's it , hope it is not too boring cause of length , but i wanted to avoid splitting in 2 posts

Thanks

submitted by /u/fifty--two
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "digitalnomad", "q": "life coach", "title": "Any unusual products/services targeted at DNs in popular hubs?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/digitalnomad/comments/1rrhfvr/any_unusual_productsservices_targeted_at_dns_in/", "author": "/u/oddmarco", "date": "2026-03-12T04:47:05+00:00", "content": "

I have only been to a couple of places which are popular with nomads. There seems to be some services that are always there: yoga, pickleball/padel lessons, life coaching, tax services, personal trainers.

I'm curious if you've seen anything in a place that you wished was available elsewhere? Including stuff like informal free community groups.

One thing I've been thinking about is a low-cost starter pack, with basics like cleaning equipment, beach towel, laptop accessories, for people who want to rent (/buy and sell back) the essentials when they'll only be staying a month or two. Curious if that's been a thing anywhere too.

submitted by /u/oddmarco
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "digitalnomad", "q": "life coach", "title": "Forced into Nomad: heal first, then find work? Or visa/versa?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/digitalnomad/comments/1ox9rzi/forced_into_nomad_heal_first_then_find_work_or/", "author": "/u/ComprehensiveDot9738", "date": "2025-11-14T21:54:28+00:00", "content": "

Sort of related to being a nomad, work, money and life.

Long story short, I'm in my early 50's with 30 years in Tech in various roles, and unfortunately, way too many gaps. Once for a decade and more recently for a few years. Both times family drama/trauma, divorce, death, etc. Bla Bla. Now paying way too much for rent (2.5k!!). Need a cheap place to go where I can reboot my career/life and not burn through what little cash I have left.

But I'm torn and tired. I CAN work but I also need some clarity and probably coaching. Latter is hard at this age for some reason.

Do I go to Thailand and and heal with yoga, massage, beach time, etc? Or find work right away and heal evenings/weekends in Dubai?

Maybe I answered my own question tbh. $ is an issue. I guess I should decide based on remaining $ runway. Anyways.

Who has been "forced" to become a nomad because of the HCOL? How did you manage the mental side? Postpone and fix later? Or sort it first?

submitted by /u/ComprehensiveDot9738
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "digitalnomad", "q": "coaching program", "title": "Desperately want to work remote, lost with what I can do", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/digitalnomad/comments/1stcv39/desperately_want_to_work_remote_lost_with_what_i/", "author": "/u/AltAccountNumber33", "date": "2026-04-23T08:32:38+00:00", "content": "

I just despise the 8-16 work culture so much. And I *need* to get my freedom back.

I worked remotely in a field that is completely different from my background for 4 years. But that market is completely different now, and there's zero chance to return to that.

My background is that I'm a physiotherapist and personal trainer and have worked in the recruitment sector as well. I love working out and have been doing so for 20 years and have extensive knowledge in that field.

I have considered online coaching or senior specific online coaching, but with AI becoming more and more great at building training programs and adapting, im not convinced its long term viable.

I'm feeling a bit lost and would love to hear if someone has suggestions.

submitted by /u/AltAccountNumber33
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "digitalnomad", "q": "coaching program", "title": "How to sell digital products from EU to China?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/digitalnomad/comments/1qsos4v/how_to_sell_digital_products_from_eu_to_china/", "author": "/u/HDZrijeka", "date": "2026-02-01T04:41:46+00:00", "content": "

Hi all,

I\u2019m an basic Mandarin speaking online fitness coach based in Europe and I\u2019m exploring the possibility of expanding to the Chinese market via selling fitness programs and becoming \u201cinfluencer\u201d in that area.

I\u2019m trying to understand the logistics and legal feasibility:

  1. Is it possible to receive payments from Chinese customers using Stripe or another EU-based payment processor that integrates with Alipay or WeChat Pay?

  2. Can I build and operate a brand on Douyin (the Chinese TikTok) from Europe, I can get a local SIM / phone number, but do I need entity to even have an account?

  3. Are there any specific limitations on selling purely digital products (like PDFs) to Chinese consumers from outside China?

I\u2019d really appreciate insights from anyone who has experience with cross-border digital sales or Chinese social media platforms.

Thanks\u2764\ufe0f, and greets from\ud83c\udde9\ud83c\uddea

submitted by /u/HDZrijeka
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "34M French/Arabic-speaking Physiotherapist (10 yrs exp) + US spouse planning move to KL ($10k USD budget) \u2013 Need advice on visa & career options", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1xeeawp/34m_frencharabicspeaking_physiotherapist_10_yrs/", "author": "/u/AdventurousLaw679", "date": "2026-10-24T17:18:46+00:00", "content": "

Hi everyone,

\u200bMy wife (US citizen) and I (Tunisian citizen, 34) are planning to move to Kuala Lumpur. We have a starting budget of $10,000 USD and are looking for realistic paths to transition and settle legally in Malaysia.

\u200bAbout my background:

\u200bProfession: Qualified Physiotherapist / Physical Therapist with 10 years of experience (manual therapy, rehabilitation, posture/movement).

\u200bLanguages: Fluent in Arabic, French, and English.

\u200bSpouse: American citizen, currently not working.

\u200bOur Current Strategy & Questions:

\u200bJob Market & Visas: Since practicing clinical physiotherapy in public hospitals usually requires complex local licensing, I am looking into non-clinical or private wellness roles that sponsor an Employment Pass (EP) (e.g., Movement/Posture Specialist, Corporate Ergonomics Consultant, Sports Rehabilitation Trainer, or Wellness Manager in premium hotels/gyms).

\u200bAre these types of roles in demand in KL?

\u200bDoes my fluency in Arabic and French offer any real advantage for international patient coordination or luxury wellness facilities in KL?

\u200bFinancials & Transition: We plan to arrive on the standard 90-day visa-free entry to search for job opportunities on the ground and arrange long-term housing. Our $10k budget is meant to cover living expenses for 4 to 6 months while securing an EP (which would also allow a Dependant Pass for my wife).

\u200bIs 90 days a realistic timeframe to network, interview, and secure an EP-sponsored position in KL?

\u200bAre there specific private clinics, fitness chains, or corporate health agencies you would recommend targeting?

\u200bAny feedback, insights from expats in the health/wellness industry, or recommendations on the best way to approach employers in KL would be greatly appreciated!

\u200bThanks in advance for your help!

submitted by /u/AdventurousLaw679
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "Language issues as an expat", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1wql0p7/language_issues_as_an_expat/", "author": "/u/babyuthebaddest", "date": "2026-09-26T08:12:59+00:00", "content": "

I'm a mixed race person who was born and raised in country A but later moved to country B (aged 14). I was a very bright kid so I picked up the language quickly and was able to enroll in university. I do still have an accent.

Fast forward to now and I'm doing my last internships where I'm working closely with lots of other people. I had heard before that sometimes I talk too softly or fast which makes it hard for people to understand me. I try to be aware of that but during 1 internship I fucked up and a group of (low education) people started this personal vendetta against me saying that my language isn't good enough to become what I'm studying for.

My supervisor eventually found out but thankfully she ended up phrasing it as an articulation issue rather than a language issue in my final evaluation. I'm still very afraid that this will have consequences for me graduating and I've noticed that ever since then I've become extremely self aware, anxious, stressed, having doubts about my capabilities.

My plan following graduation would be to look for a job where I have as little colleague contact as possible (hard in my field but not impossible), but I've also considered changing fields. My question is has anyone had experiences similar to mine? What do you in such a case?

I know there are speech therapy programs for cases like mine but I feel like I'm such a failure for having this issue...

submitted by /u/babyuthebaddest
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "Choosing between the person I love and the country that feels like home", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1wnkelf/choosing_between_the_person_i_love_and_the/", "author": "/u/Massive_Hippo_1736", "date": "2026-09-22T20:06:50+00:00", "content": "

Hi everyone. I\u2019m 34, from north-eastern Europe, and my partner is from a Mediterranean country. We\u2019ve been together for around eight years, and I\u2019m going through probably the hardest period of my life.

We originally met during my Erasmus+ year in his country, where I was doing a work placement after my studies. I eventually returned home, but about two years later we reconnected and our relationship became serious.

Because I could work remotely while his life was much more tied to his country, it seemed logical for me to move there. His family, friends and now the family business he is taking over are all there. I ended up living there for around six years.

My partner is a genuinely good man. He is loving, supportive, caring and emotionally available. We make a good team, I love him, and I desperately want our relationship to work.

But I have never completely managed to feel rooted in his country.

I miss my home country deeply. My family, language, humour, seasons, nature, culture and simply that effortless feeling of belonging somewhere. Over time, some aspects of his country\u2019s culture have actually started triggering me. Sometimes even hearing the way people speak or seeing certain mannerisms creates tension in me. I don\u2019t want to generalise about the people or culture, and I know anxiety probably intensifies this reaction, but the reaction itself is very real.

Over the last year my mental health became much worse. I experienced severe anxiety, panic attacks and episodes of crying so intensely that I struggled to breathe. About six months ago I came back to my home country to recover and get professional help. I\u2019m in therapy and have been taking antidepressants for around six months.

Being home feels noticeably easier. Sometimes I wake up and my first spontaneous thought is simply, \u201cIt feels so good to wake up here.\u201d

But the dilemma hasn\u2019t gone away. In fact, even while I\u2019m safely back in my own country, when I seriously approach the question of our relationship and whether I can return to build my future in his country, I sometimes feel my throat tightening and struggle to breathe. It feels as if my entire nervous system becomes overwhelmed by the question.

Recently I spent about ten days back in his country and emotionally it was extremely difficult. I often woke up with anxiety and heaviness, wondering what I was doing with my life and why being there felt so painful.

At the same time, losing my partner feels incredibly painful too.

He has been honest that he does not want to move to my country. He doesn\u2019t completely rule it out someday, but realistically he wouldn\u2019t consider leaving his family business for at least another 5 to 10 years, and he can\u2019t promise he would move afterwards either.

He is willing to compromise. I could spend several months every year in my home country, even with future children, and he could join us when possible. But realistically, if we stay together, his country will remain our main home.

I\u2019m 34 and I want children, possibly more than one, so I also feel the pressure of time. We are at the point where we need to decide whether we are moving towards marriage and a family or whether our lives require different things despite loving each other.

One of my biggest fears is raising children far from my own family and watching my home country become just \u201cmum\u2019s country\u201d that we visit during holidays rather than a real part of our everyday family life.

What makes this so difficult is that there is no villain. I understand why he doesn\u2019t want to leave his family, friends and business. I don\u2019t want him to sacrifice his entire life for me. But I\u2019m starting to realise that perhaps my own roots deserve the same respect.

I\u2019m also aware that I struggle with anxiety, so I don\u2019t want to interpret every uncomfortable feeling as proof that I should leave. But I\u2019m equally afraid of dismissing everything as anxiety and spending years trying to adapt to a life that may simply not be right for me.

Sometimes it feels like choosing between two kinds of grief: losing the man I love, or losing the possibility of building my everyday life in the place that feels like home.

I honestly don\u2019t know what I\u2019m going to do.

I would really love to hear from people who have been in long-term international relationships and faced something similar. Did you eventually feel at home in your partner\u2019s country? Did you move back? Did you find a sustainable way to live between two countries? Did your partner\u2019s country ever become so associated with the dilemma that even the culture itself started triggering anxiety?

And most importantly, how did you eventually understand what was a difficult but acceptable compromise, and what was something too fundamental for you to compromise on?

I\u2019m not looking for \u201cjust leave him\u201d or \u201cjust stay.\u201d I think I mostly need to hear from people who have actually lived through this.

Right now it feels incredibly lonely.

submitted by /u/Massive_Hippo_1736
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "How do you manage stress while preparing for a move?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1wmvsqu/how_do_you_manage_stress_while_preparing_for_a/", "author": "/u/StandardGoatPerson", "date": "2026-09-22T01:29:51+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m going to be moving with my family from the US to Argentina after a lot of discussion and, right now, my anxiety is spiking more than normal from the preparation.

To give some background, we started preparing for the move earlier this year, but after some medical events, the trip has to be placed on hold to put my recovery first. We had some discussions as to whether or not I would be able to do the trip due to my recovery taking longer than expected, but we decided to resume the preparations when one of our relatives from Argentina offered to fly out to help us move. This was around two weeks ago.

Since then, I\u2019m the primary person taking care of all the paperwork, budget planning, and other processes while my mother takes care of saving the money. I didn\u2019t mind it at first since I\u2019m used to this type of work, or at least I thought I was\u2026 With so much that we have to do on top of my own academics, my anxiety has gotten worse where I\u2019m having anxiety attacks and am having trouble doing my homework. Aside from attending therapy twice a week, I\u2019ve reached out to a few people for help, like with revising our travel plans, finding some information (since the consulate isn\u2019t being helpful), and in-person accompanying to some appointments. I thought asking for this help would make me feel better, but it hasn\u2019t much. Even with the amount of progress they\u2019ve said I\u2019ve done so far, especially with making a daily to weekly plan of what to tackle, I\u2019m still having trouble relaxing.

Before anyone asks why my mother isn\u2019t helping me, she has helped in translating some things from Spanish, but she ultimately has worse anxiety than me in confronting some of these things. That\u2019s why I\u2019m taking on the brunt of the work.

I think the parts causing me the most stress right now is the uncertainty. Like, to explain\u2026

  1. I haven\u2019t been able to get any answers as to whether I need to get my documents translated here or in Argentina. I have documents from multiple states I have to get apostilled and they\u2019re requiring they be both officially translated and notarized in-state, and I can\u2019t afford to travel to another state right now. The notary is a bit easier, but I\u2019ve no clue about the translation services. The uncertainty of how much time it will take, what\u2019s available, and how much it will cost is impacting me.

  2. To my understanding, the process of nationalization as the child of a native Argentina can take anywhere between 2 to 6 months. As a US citizen, I can only be in Argentina for 3 months before needing a visa. I tried reaching out to the local consulate to learn more since I couldn\u2019t find much information online, but I was sort-of blown off. Other people online have complained about having similar issues with the consulate, so I\u2019ve reached out to family to find out for me in the offices in Argentina. I haven\u2019t heard anything back yet, but with what people have been saying online about working with this consulate for Visas\u2026 I don\u2019t know what to do.

  3. We have to sell the majority of our things as we can\u2019t afford to send things via cargo. I\u2019ve been trying since late last year to sell my things, but haven\u2019t had much luck. I\u2019ll be trying new platforms to see if there\u2019s any difference. As far as I know though, we\u2019ll be checking quite a few bags for what we will be taking.

There\u2019s also questions about if I need to get my medical records apostilled, plane ticket payment plans, etc\u2026 I\u2019m just spinning a bit inside. I see what I need to do, I recognize what I\u2019m going through is anxiety, I made the plans to include rest days, I\u2019m talking with a psychologist\u2026 What else would you all recommend? For those who have made the move from the US to Argentina, could you please point me in a direction of what to do for these points I mentioned? Is there something more I need to know?

Thank you in advance for your recommendations!

submitted by /u/StandardGoatPerson
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "Feeling so burned out 11 months in", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1wh5c9y/feeling_so_burned_out_11_months_in/", "author": "/u/biotechconundrum", "date": "2026-09-15T16:33:57+00:00", "content": "

In the past year, I've dealt with:

I feel so, so, SO burnt out. I need a real break. Not this 1 week I'm taking to pack and clean and move. Anyone else got a list?

submitted by /u/biotechconundrum
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "Just another 27y/o man that wants to volunteer in Germany to scape for his broken life", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1w7o1lw/just_another_27yo_man_that_wants_to_volunteer_in/", "author": "/u/pianistade30varos", "date": "2026-09-05T02:19:20+00:00", "content": "

I was wondering if you could give me a piece of advice for my soul.

I\u2019m a young man born and raised in Ecuador, as you should know my country is getting worse day by day. Sadly I must say, right now my country is on the top 3 most dangerous in Latam and that\u2019s coming from a man that really loves this nation. We (the young ones) are unemployed and forced to work on something else that\u2019s not even worth the money you get nor the time you spend to get there or working there, you end up without labor rights, without a decent payment and the people you work for are just jerks who will explode the s out of you for their own sake. I\u2019m a lawyer, from one of the best Colleges of the region, I speak English, russian and a bit of german. I\u2019ve worked as a russian-english teacher and a paralegal at the time I was studying for Law degree. I\u2019m outgoing and a guy to be around, not gorgeous but still getting them, got some sense of humor and attitude. BUT I\u2019ve depression, diagnosed 8 years ago due to my parents relationship and violence. I\u2019ve been to several therapist and now I can stand up for my self, do some self care and get my shi together somehow. But when it hits, hits hard.

A year and a bit ago I was evicted from my parents house by my dad\u2019s call to the police on a Sunday at 7pm, even though I had to work on Monday( I can remember it like it was yesterday ). I\u2019ve developed a complex trauma due to their physical, psychological and emotional damage they have caused me since I was a kid. I left home at the age of 17 toRussia and lived there for about 2 and a half years, but almost got k* there. So got back here and all that shi finally lead me to therapy when everything exploded during pandemic (God thank)\u2026 since then i\u2019ve had the chance to become a man. I\u2019m not refusing the opportunity the life gave me but it hurts the way it was. That changed me, not that thing but the time I spend basically homeless. Lost my job a month after I got evicted, went into drugs and got robbed many times. My mental health has improved exponentially and against all odds, I got like an armor on bullshi and developed skills against emotional-harming people. BUT still when it comes to my parents I became that guy. I don\u2019t want to be that guy anymore. I\u2019m planning to leave everything behind and start a new life in Germany. But guess what, I need the money for the language school and my parents just asked my uncle for a \u201cfamily conversation\u201d in 11 days.

Right now I\u2019m living with my uncle in the countryside, he has a family (got 3 cousins) and my aunt hates me just because she hates my mom and I\u2019m kinda look like my mom. Dumb reasons but it\u2019s real! couldn\u2019t even imagine the smallville people were that envious about someone that did any harm to them nor any hurt. Dude, that kind of envy that doesn\u2019t want you to have what you have, not just the kind that wants what you have, like in every possible aspect. So now it\u2019s incredibly increasing and their children are learning from her way more faster than i thought it would be. Anyway and thankfully, somehow I\u2019ve been able to make it through and focus on myself more than ever. So they started to make me responsible of anything wrong that happens with them and if not, they are leaving me behind and displacing me from eating, traveling and talking together. Now i\u2019m afraid that this will lead to a relapse of my depression which was caused by my parents doing the same thing as they are doing.

I\u2019ve been doing some research and the most viable option is to leave my country. I\u2019ve barber skills, haven\u2019t finished the course yet so (5/10). I\u2019ve bartending skills, I don\u2019t have any certification but had training in several jobs so (7/10). I can speak english (C1) russian (B1) and german (A1 by now :D). I sing and play the guitar (7/10), more than i can dance salsa or bachata (6/10). Last but not least I\u2019m broke (0.1/10). With that said, I thought about applying for a volunteer role in Germany called BFD once I get my A2 certification\u2026 and somehow be able to start a new life there in Berlin or wherever the f life gets me. I\u2019m aware of my age and skills but still looking for different options abroad.

My plan: Keep up learning german by my own (i\u2019ve recently achieved A1.2 i guess) here in the country side until i get myself ready to get an A2 certificate by Goethe Institute. But doing the maths, to achieve that level actually took me like 3 months from 0 with books and videos. On average that\u2019s almost a year from now until a get to A2 apparently and then take an exam like that with only knowledge obtained form my self-learning of the language. At that time I\u2019ll be 28, almost 29. That\u2019s kinda late for someone who\u2019s applying for a volunteering position somewhere in Germany\u2026

Here\u2019s the mess : i\u2019m not the guy I used to be so I don\u2019t want to expose myself to that environment but I need money to go back to the city and to attend to Language school classes. I guess my parents want to talk about forgiveness and humanity when the have done that shi for many years without any kind of apology for their actions. I\u2019m going to propose them to let me live in the Houses penthouse, but without a job there\u2019s not much I could do and as crazy as may sound they wouldn\u2019t accept my proposal that easy cause you know ( their psychology and religion don\u2019t allow them). I don\u2019t know what to do and barely know how.

I know the feeling of being expat, I know what it feels like to miss home and loved ones, I know how much you want to go back home once you there, but here\u2026 there\u2019s no hope, there\u2019s nothing left for people like me but to leave for a better future. I\u2019ve couldn\u2019t even see my brother for 4 months and i\u2019ll miss my dog Valkyrie who has always been by my side since that day we both got dumped by my parents.
Is there anything that makes you feel alike, if that\u2019s so, let me know or just leave your thoughts or whatever\u2026 if you were me what would you do?

submitted by /u/pianistade30varos
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "Just a 27 y/o man looking for a better life abroad because the one he has now has broke him", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1w7nu0j/just_a_27_yo_man_looking_for_a_better_life_abroad/", "author": "/u/pianistade30varos", "date": "2026-09-05T02:09:06+00:00", "content": "

I was wondering if you could give me a piece of advice for my soul.

I\u2019m a young man born and raised in Ecuador, as you should know my country is getting worse day by day. Sadly I must say, right now my country is on the top 3 most dangerous in Latam and that\u2019s coming from a man that really loves this nation. We (the young ones) are unemployed and forced to work on something else that\u2019s not even worth the money you get nor the time you spend to get there or working there, you end up without labor rights, without a decent payment and the people you work for are just jerks who will explode the s out of you for their own sake. I\u2019m a lawyer, from one of the best Colleges of the region, I speak English, russian and a bit of german. I\u2019ve worked as a russian-english teacher and a paralegal at the time I was studying for Law degree. I\u2019m outgoing and a guy to be around, not gorgeous but still getting them, got some sense of humor and attitude. BUT I\u2019ve depression, diagnosed 8 years ago due to my parents relationship and violence. I\u2019ve been to several therapist and now I can stand up for my self, do some self care and get my shi together somehow. But when it hits, hits hard.

A year and a bit ago I was evicted from my parents house by my dad\u2019s call to the police on a Sunday at 7pm, even though I had to work on Monday( I can remember it like it was yesterday ). I\u2019ve developed a complex trauma due to their physical, psychological and emotional damage they have caused me since I was a kid. I left home at the age of 17 toRussia and lived there for about 2 and a half years, but almost got k* there. So got back here and all that shi finally lead me to therapy when everything exploded during pandemic (God thank)\u2026 since then i\u2019ve had the chance to become a man. I\u2019m not refusing the opportunity the life gave me but it hurts the way it was. That changed me, not that thing but the time I spend basically homeless. Lost my job a month after I got evicted, went into drugs and got robbed many times. My mental health has improved exponentially and against all odds, I got like an armor on bullshi and developed skills against emotional-harming people. BUT still when it comes to my parents I became that guy. I don\u2019t want to be that guy anymore. I\u2019m planning to leave everything behind and start a new life in Germany. But guess what, I need the money for the language school and my parents just asked my uncle for a \u201cfamily conversation\u201d in 11 days.

Right now I\u2019m living with my uncle in the countryside, he has a family (got 3 cousins) and my aunt hates me just because she hates my mom and I\u2019m kinda look like my mom. Dumb reasons but it\u2019s real! couldn\u2019t even imagine the smallville people were that envious about someone that did any harm to them nor any hurt. Dude, that kind of envy that doesn\u2019t want you to have what you have, not just the kind that wants what you have, like in every possible aspect. So now it\u2019s incredibly increasing and their children are learning from her way more faster than i thought it would be. Anyway and thankfully, somehow I\u2019ve been able to make it through and focus on myself more than ever. So they started to make me responsible of anything wrong that happens with them and if not, they are leaving me behind and displacing me from eating, traveling and talking together. Now i\u2019m afraid that this will lead to a relapse of my depression which was caused by my parents doing the same thing as they are doing.

I\u2019ve been doing some research and the most viable option is to leave my country. I\u2019ve barber skills, haven\u2019t finished the course yet so (5/10). I\u2019ve bartending skills, I don\u2019t have any certification but had training in several jobs so (7/10). I can speak english (C1) russian (B1) and german (A1 by now :D). I sing and play the guitar (7/10), more than i can dance salsa or bachata (6/10). Last but not least I\u2019m broke (0.1/10). With that said, I thought about applying for a volunteer role in Germany called BFD once I get my A2 certification\u2026 and somehow be able to start a new life there in Berlin or wherever the f life gets me. I\u2019m aware of my age and skills but still looking for different options abroad.

My plan: Keep up learning german by my own (i\u2019ve recently achieved A1.2 i guess) here in the country side until i get myself ready to get an A2 certificate by Goethe Institute. But doing the maths, to achieve that level actually took me like 3 months from 0 with books and videos. On average that\u2019s almost a year from now until a get to A2 apparently and then take an exam like that with only knowledge obtained form my self-learning of the language. At that time I\u2019ll be 28, almost 29. That\u2019s kinda late for someone who\u2019s applying for a volunteering position somewhere in Germany\u2026

Here\u2019s the mess : i\u2019m not the guy I used to be so I don\u2019t want to expose myself to that environment but I need money to go back to the city and to attend to Language school classes. I guess my parents want to talk about forgiveness and humanity when the have done that shi for many years without any kind of apology for their actions. I\u2019m going to propose them to let me live in the Houses penthouse, but without a job there\u2019s not much I could do and as crazy as may sound they wouldn\u2019t accept my proposal that easy cause you know ( their psychology and religion don\u2019t allow them). I don\u2019t know what to do and barely know how.

I know the feeling of being expat, I know what it feels like to miss home and loved ones, I know how much you want to go back home once you there, but here\u2026 there\u2019s no hope, there\u2019s nothing left for people like me but to leave for a better future. I\u2019ve couldn\u2019t even see my brother for 4 months and i\u2019ll miss my dog Valkyrie who has always been by my side since that day we both got dumped by my parents.
Is there anything that makes you feel alike, if that\u2019s so, let me know or just leave your thoughts or whatever\u2026 if you were me what would you do?

submitted by /u/pianistade30varos
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "Forced to return to my home country, Idk how to deal with the depression of it", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1w3nz14/forced_to_return_to_my_home_country_idk_how_to/", "author": "/u/kyudo-is-life2211", "date": "2026-08-31T19:21:54+00:00", "content": "

Hi all, Im italian and I have lived outsde of italy for 13 years and 6 month (as my mum today reminded me. I wasn\u2019t counting, but someone was). I\u2019ve lived in Japan for 6 years and in the UK for 7 years.

This year I changed job, which was financially a bit challenging, but then, 4 months in, I was left home by the new job. I looked for a new one for 3 months, but London is not affordable without a job, so I had to start packing my stuff.

I just flew back today, while my stuff is travelling still, and I cried the entire time unpacking my only 2 luggages. All that makes me feel better is that I\u2019ll travel to Germany and Poland in November (that\u2019s leisure and for sport seminar) and thinking that I just need to rebuild my bank account and then I can just go to another country.and it\u2019s comforting, yes, but this is just day 1 of an entire year and I feel so miserable.
I have nothing against my country in reality. I just like to live abroad more than I like living here. And obviously I didn\u2019t want to come home this way: jobless and poor with 2 months only to say goodbye to everyone.

Has any of you ever deals with this kind of depression?
Having to abandon your life abrad, go back to your own country not by choice and then having to deal with the reality of it?
Any advice will be truly welcomed.

P.S. yes, I have started therapy 2 months ago, so I am taking care of myself. You can also imagine the emotional status I am in so\u2026 please be kind to me. You can say hard truths ofc, just choose the words carefully.

submitted by /u/kyudo-is-life2211
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "What are your experiences of choosing love over home or home over love?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1vxb8bm/what_are_your_experiences_of_choosing_love_over/", "author": "/u/alphawomb", "date": "2026-08-24T18:33:09+00:00", "content": "

I'm struggling desperately with the choice of living in a place I find boring and lonely or moving home and losing the love of my life, and possibly my dream of having children with a partner. I'm looking for stories from people who have had to make this decision and their outcomes, good and bad.

I (32F) am originally from the UK and have been living in Montreal for 3 years after coming for work - working abroad for a couple of years is seen as advantageous in my field. On paper Montreal, is better in terms my finances and raising children. I've found love here for the first time, after a lifetime of dating but never finding someone I vibed with. We've been together for 2 years, moved in in April. The relationship is great, there is solid communication and understanding, and we have similar goals and perspectives in life. We both want marriage and children.

But I'm homesick and terrified of being trapped here with children (I 100% want kids, and in the next few years). I'm struggling badly with the language, and while I have made a few friends, the only ones who I felt truly close with all moved back to Europe. I'm used to having a large social group as well as a smaller group of close, long-term 'ride-or-die' friends. I miss my family, London, the ease of casual interactions in my language, the ability to quickly and cheaply reach new cities and countries to explore and visit old friends, the pubs, the style of humour. I could go on.

My boyfriend (38M) knows how I feel and is very understanding. But he does not want to leave Montreal, and definitely doesn't want to live outside of Canada, ever. Living in Europe is a no-go, not even to try it. I don't judge him at all, his whole support system is here and he loves his city, his job and his way of life. I won't be able to move with our children without his consent and wouldn't want to leave them after they're 18 anyway, so I'd be stuck here.

There are too many considerations to list here, including my fear of losing he chance of children with a partner as I age etc. I am having therapy and I'm trying to make friends and learn the language.

I'd love some wisdom from those who've experienced things similar to this. Do you regret your decisions? And how did you cope?

I feel like I'm being torn apart.

submitted by /u/alphawomb
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "I\u2019m feeling an overwhelming sense of insecurity", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1vkz8ni/im_feeling_an_overwhelming_sense_of_insecurity/", "author": "/u/Honest-Computer778", "date": "2026-08-10T22:19:07+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m moving abroad for work and studies (I\u2019m 24 by the way) in a few days and I feel scared, insecure and I already miss my family, which isn\u2019t a me response at all because I enjoy travelling a lot, I\u2019ve also travelled solo and I usually do not miss my family at all, even tho I love them. I\u2019ve lived 9 hours away from my home town for 4-5 years now but I always had the chance to return home when things weren\u2019t good. I want to mention that I\u2019ve been struggling mentally since I was a child but I\u2019ve done a lot of therapy and I\u2019ve figured things out. I am also neurodivergent (ADHD). I crave predictability but also novelty. I feel like I am in a state where I don\u2019t know exactly how things are going to work out. Last but not least, I come from an economically unstable country where I feel like I have no future and I don\u2019t belong at all. However, the absence of my parents in the new country and the fact that they\u2019re getting older and I\u2019m not spending time with them is making me very sad. Any advise would be appreciated BTW I don\u2019t expect myself to feel good for day one but also :(

submitted by /u/Honest-Computer778
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "I've lived in America for 5 years. I like my life here, but I don't feel like I belong here. How do you know when the country is the problem?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1vigsm6/ive_lived_in_america_for_5_years_i_like_my_life/", "author": "/u/Awkward-Bug7031", "date": "2026-08-07T23:56:55+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m 32M and have dealt with mild depression on and off for several years. I\u2019m at a point where something in my life needs to change, but I genuinely can\u2019t tell what.

Is it my career, where I live, the country I live in, my social life, or am I looking for an external solution to an internal problem?

I know nobody on Reddit can fully understand me from one post, but I\u2019m interested in whether anything seems obvious from the outside.

Some context:

I\u2019m originally from the UK. Five years ago I moved to California for my wife, who is American. We have a very happy marriage, no children and a dog.

I\u2019m physically healthy, very active and generally confident in myself. I go to the gym, play soccer twice a week, walk every day and have plenty of interests and hobbies.

I\u2019m a freelance video editor and work entirely from home. Financially I\u2019m comfortable, control my own schedule and can work from almost anywhere.

On paper, I have an incredible amount of freedom. But I feel like I\u2019m wasting it.

My work has become incredibly monotonous. I\u2019ve had one of my main clients for around 4 or 5 years and although the money and workload are good, there is very little excitement or stimulation left.

Working from home also means I have very little human interaction during the day. I barely speak to clients or assistants. My wife works from her office three days a week.

I have a couple of casual friends here, but I\u2019ve never built a real community. My close friends and family are still in the UK and I usually visit twice a year.

The depression started around 9 to 12 months after moving to California and has gradually become more noticeable. The interesting thing is that it can almost disappear for months when I have something exciting happening, such as travel, a new hobby or a project I\u2019m looking forward to.

When I play soccer, I\u2019m happy. When I\u2019m with good friends, I\u2019m happy. When I travel and have things happening in my life, I\u2019m happy.

My normal day to day feelings are more loneliness, boredom and lack of purpose than overwhelming sadness.

I\u2019ve tried coworking spaces, new hobbies, vacations, changing routines and light therapy. These things can help, but nothing seems to fundamentally change.

For the last couple of years I\u2019ve also thought constantly about changing careers or starting something new. I have endless ideas, but my brain becomes scattered between them and I rarely commit to one. Two years later, I\u2019m basically still in the same position.

Part of me thinks a new career could massively improve my life. Another part worries I\u2019d simply be creating another distraction and avoiding whatever the real problem is.

California and America are another complicated part of this.

There are lots of things I genuinely like about California, including the climate, opportunity and lifestyle.

When I visit the UK, I don\u2019t suddenly think, \u201cThis is where I need to be.\u201d I\u2019m normally excited to return to California afterward.

But I don\u2019t feel American and I don\u2019t really feel like I belong here.

When I imagine my entire future being in America, something feels wrong. I don\u2019t want to live here permanently, and the idea of growing old and dying here genuinely bothers me.

I still feel very British, although increasingly I think of Europe generally, not necessarily the UK, as somewhere I could eventually see myself living.

My wife is open to leaving America someday, but realistically that may still be several years away. Her career is going very well here and she also has family and friends nearby.

So I don\u2019t know whether I\u2019m blaming the country because it gives me something tangible to point at.

There\u2019s another contradiction that bothers me:

I have enormous freedom, but I\u2019ve become scared to use it.

I\u2019m financially comfortable. I control my hours. I could travel more, work from different places, pursue another career or build something on the side.

Instead, I stay in the comfortable routine that I complain about.

I\u2019ve taken big risks before. Moving from the UK to California was a massive one, and it worked out incredibly well in many ways.

But I haven\u2019t taken a real chance on anything for a long time. I think I\u2019ve become so comfortable that being uncomfortable now scares me.

I feel massively unfulfilled and desperate to feel life happening again.

It feels like the world around me is moving while I\u2019m stagnating.

I\u2019m not expecting Reddit to diagnose depression or tell me to blow up my life based on a few paragraphs.

What I\u2019m really wondering is:

Reading this from the outside, does anything jump out as the obvious problem that I might be too close to see?

If you were in my position, where would you look first: career, community and social life, leaving WFH, location, moving countries eventually, or the depression itself?

I understand none of this changes overnight. I\u2019m just reaching the point where \u201cgive it time\u201d doesn\u2019t feel good enough anymore. I\u2019ve felt stuck for more than two years and I don\u2019t want another two years to pass with me asking the exact same questions.

submitted by /u/Awkward-Bug7031
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "How to meet people as an introverted person in shame?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1vfdpek/how_to_meet_people_as_an_introverted_person_in/", "author": "/u/typeshhhhhh", "date": "2026-08-04T15:32:06+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m getting help therapy etc I had a rough childhood

I feel like meeting new people I have to be happy and upbeat I\u2019m just not

I want to meet people as I feel the amount of time I\u2019m alone is unhealthy - despite not exactly being bored due to the environments I\u2019ve come from

I see group classes in morning and night and I don\u2019t know

submitted by /u/typeshhhhhh
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "What changes have you seen in your mother tongue since when you moved abroad?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1vf6hbv/what_changes_have_you_seen_in_your_mother_tongue/", "author": "/u/LowerCap6583", "date": "2026-08-04T10:27:30+00:00", "content": "

Hi!

I'm an expat speaking mostly English and Dutch in my everyday life. I do use my mother tongue as well quite often, on phone calls with friends, so as far as I know I haven't developed any accent on my mother tongue.

However, it's really frustrating when I can't recall a specific word in my mother language. For example, I do therapy sessions speaking my mother tongue and I always have a google translate tab open for the times I can't remember a word, because I really don't want to forget my language or throw a bunch of English words in a sentence towards my non-English speaking mum.

Also I've noticed I'm adopting the Dutch cadence or "melody" (not sure how to call it) while speaking English, to the point where Dutch people switch to Dutch with me, assuming I'm also Dutch. This cadence hasn't mixed with my mother tongue (yet?).

And when speaking Dutch, people notice I'm not Dutch because of grammar mistakes or awkward word choices, but never because of my accent, which is crazy. I don't understand how I have a mixed English accent (learned English as a teen), but such a standard Dutch accent (learned Dutch in my mid-20s).

Fancinating how our brain works with languages! I'm very curious to hear your experiences!

submitted by /u/LowerCap6583
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "Im scared that I'm going to be stuck in my home cou try forever because of finances", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1vbjph8/im_scared_that_im_going_to_be_stuck_in_my_home/", "author": "/u/Suspicious_Baker9248", "date": "2026-07-31T07:15:34+00:00", "content": "

​

I was born and raised in uganda. From 13 to 18 I went to an expensive international boarding school in Kenya then from 18 to 21 I went to another expensive uni in the UK. I always knew that they were expensive but my parents encouraged me and my other siblings to go to the school in Kenya then uni in the UK because they place a high value on education. Of course there were some bumps in the road here and there but I figured that it would be expected, seeing that we aren't immensely wealthy. What I didn't expect, however, was the extent to which my parents were actually draining themselves for our education. A few years ago I found out that my parents are immensely broke because they've been pouring basically all of their money into our school fees. My older siblings and I have finished our bachelor's but our younger sibling is still doing theirs.

All my siblings and I hate being in Uganda. Having spent our most developmental years in international settings, we eventually no longer became able to relate to anything to do with uganda. We constantly feel like outsiders. Like tourists in our own birth country. We don't understand anyone and no one understands us. It's an extremely isolating situation. Which is why we all want to leave. However, getting a job in the UK has become sooo hard. Especially when your straight out of uni. Despite being British citizens, we all had to come back to uganda because we failed to sustain ourselves in the UK with no jobs or money. We figured that if we worked a bit from uganda and got some experience, we would be able to go back abroad for a masters and hopefully stay abroad. But that's where finances become an issue. My parents have finally reached a point where they can't afford anything. They can barely afford my younger sibling's bachelor's degree. My older sibling was hoping to go for their master's soon, which was giving them so much hope and me too because I figured if they do it, so can I, but they may not be able to because my parents can't afford it. I don't think they'll ever be able to afford it. They're in their late 50s/early 60s. They are approaching retirement age. So not only does my sibling feel stuck, so do I.

I know that a master's isn't the only way to leave but it's the most straightforward one. The Ugandan shilling is so weak and salaries are so low that saving (either for the master's or to leave) is damn near impossible. Finding jobs that can sponsor master's is so hard. And with the global job market, its impossible. Even finding jobs that can sponsor relocation is hard. I feel stuck and depressed.

I'm really jealous of people who actually like their home countries. I'm worried for my siblings' mental health. I'm worried about my parents' retirement and finances, I'm worried that I'll never be able to leave and be trapped here. I don't usually post online but I'm in a real need for encouragement and hope. My siblings and I are unemployed, so we cant afford therapy. I feel like it would have been better to not be born. I don't think you understand how hopeless and depressed I feel.

submitted by /u/Suspicious_Baker9248
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "Leaving country to get your spark back", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1v1g6sn/leaving_country_to_get_your_spark_back/", "author": "/u/2208022", "date": "2026-07-20T09:04:43+00:00", "content": "

So-I've lived abroad before, gained some of the experiences and after a year decided to go back to my homecountry.
I've been here for 3 years now and I just feel empty and dissapointed. While living abroad, I was dreaming of this little life I will live once I come back to my little 30 thousand people hometown. I've dreamed of routine, doing things just like everybody else around me and celebrating tradition etc.

Upon coming back-different reality hit me. The routine kills me, and this is coming from a person who always LIKES to know the next step and is comfortable that way. People live on autopilot and have very narrow minds for very different reasons: either they worked 1 job ever ans its something like waitressing or being a hairdresser(small town-no jobs) or they barely traveled anywhere. Large percentage of people surrounding me never sat on a plane-and we live 45 mins away from 2(not 1 but 2) airport, both having ryanair fairs.

On top of that, I live in an eastern european country that is supposed to be modern and progressive and whatever, but people here just disrespect women and arent really aware of it. Commenting on womens bodys, saying they should be home and cook, and that its okay for guys to go to the bars and for girls not because "WHAT SHOULD A GIRL DO IN A BAR YOU DONT TAKE THAT HOME TO MEET YOUR MOTHER". I mean, what am I supposed to do as a single woman on weeekends? Sit at home on my porch and knit and be a model housewife from last century? Yes I do to to gym and swim and read books but of course i also go out and clubbing.

And I dont know, somehow I got lost in all of that and I lost my sparkle. I lost my interest in stuff and I dont wake up with enthusiasm and I dont want to cease the day, I just wanna stay in bed. Upon my returning I gave myself a year to adapt back to my hometown.
A year turned into three. And the more time passes, the more depressed and dislocated I feel.
The mentality and lack of like minded people is really draining me from energy and I feel like a black sheep.

The older I get the more cautious I am while making a change and my next moving would be for me, for my wellbeing, it would be my effort to bring my passion back. I dont idealise moving abroad-I am aware its a battle on its own. But im done doing therapy for the problems i dont have. I just wanna know are there similar people here? Did you move because of everything else except money and work life balance? Did you come into better enviroment for yourself, somewhere you could shine more?

submitted by /u/2208022
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "Deciding to return \u201c home\u201d", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1uyfkcs/deciding_to_return_home/", "author": "/u/Lost-Friend-1562", "date": "2026-07-16T21:15:26+00:00", "content": "

I have lived in Mexico for 5 years. I\u2019m currently on a visit to the US in California, where I am from. It\u2019s only been 2 weeks and so far it\u2019s ok.

If I moved back to the US, I\u2019d be starting all over. Friends have moved on, people and places have changed.

I do have a job here and could afford a small studio.

I don\u2019t have family support here.

The only reason why I\u2019m considering moving back is a sense of familiar. I didn\u2019t think I\u2019d live in Mexico forever. I am also too exhausted to try a different country.

I just feel really tired of trying to make new friends but would be required to do that here in the US. So there would be no difference

I don\u2019t understand why I want to return to the US, if I don\u2019t have the pull of family or friends. I would be forced to live in smaller accommodations because my budget. I could save more in Mexico

Yet I feel done. It\u2019s an ongoing feelings of disconnectedness and isolation. I\u2019m tired of making new friends and not keeping them. I\u2019m tired of being in a place that I don\u2019t see myself long term. I could imagine it\u2019s only a matter of time I\u2019d feel the same isolation here.

I like Mexico and have had some good and not so good experiences but I don\u2019t know how to gauge that this chapter might be closing.

How do you figure these things out? I\u2019m in therapy and on meds for depression.

submitted by /u/Lost-Friend-1562
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "Relationship breakdown due to travel", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1useoqt/relationship_breakdown_due_to_travel/", "author": "/u/Medical_News6217", "date": "2026-07-10T05:40:41+00:00", "content": "

Hi all,

Wanted a bit of advice on international travel and relationships.

I [33, M] have unfortunately had to recently break up with my partner of 8 years, which is weighing heavy but some part of me knows I made the right move. I'm unsure if I could have made it work though, or was letting myself in for a world of pain.

I have relocated country for my partner twice before, for UN positions, me still being in the second country, which I fell in love with, finding a nice job, good community and space for my hobbies that give me purpose. My best friend moves here soon, and I'm happy. Me and my ex-partner had a complex relationship, but have always stuck by each other. I won't say there haven't been some breaches of trust along the way, but we were in therapy and had got to a good place.

When I made the move to my current country, I made an agreement with my partner that I needed to feel some agency in the choices we made around where we moved, and she agreed it was my turn after that posting to make that decision. We were meant to be in the post 2 years after I moved, and I really thought we'd closed the distance after a long time. A year into the post, many of the international aid budget cuts occurred, which changed the context. By this point, we'd adopted a dog, and had plans for marriage and kids. However, she applied unknowingly for a new role in a West African country, stating it was 'practice'. I helped her prepare and go through how she would approach the interview. Lo and behold, she got the job, and immediately started considering whether to take it. It took around 2 months of deliberation, which was tough on me, but she did eventually choose the job. I had stated that I really wanted us to be together physically for longer to have some stability for once, and she could have stayed on for another 12 months and looked for something more suitable for both of us, but it seems she had already made her decision. I was adamant that I understood why she might feel the need to take it, but it wouldn't end well for us and I couldn't see that I could make a life for myself there easily. When I brought up that we had an agreement, she acted like she had never said those words, which hurt a lot, and left me feeling like my life didn't matter. I'm certainly not as far on in my career as my ex-partner, not as prestigious, but I'm one year away from finishing a degree, and want to pursue meaningful work after.

Soon after, she left, and we tried long distance for a good few months as I decided to stay in my current country and finish my contract. But resentment towards her had grown; I didn't feel that my sacrifices (moving from my home country twice and leaving a decent job in my field) were honestly recognised, and it made me feel like we weren't in a partnership. That said, she flew to see me a lot over that time, but some of the same problems occurred that had done in previous LD times - it always felt like a holiday, not like a life we live together. One of the hardest parts to accept was that my ex-partner was adamant that they wouldn't do another year of long distance from now, when I was quite open to it. I saw it as an unwanted but necessary step sometimes in the international field, but it didn't seem to match with her timeline of having kids and getting married despite it being a situation she kept creating, moving country 5 times in 7 years, no matter what other plans we had. The whole time, I was scared of losing myself, becoming financially dependent and lonely with the move. I could see they were worried about me not moving, and I just couldn't see it for myself with the risk and broken agreement, so eventually I cut it off with her. We did try for some time to find a solution over the phone, but she was hardline on her refusal of the year, and I was about moving now. Eventually, she sent me a text saying she had to walk away, and we wished each other well.

Did I make the right decision leaving? We had been through so much and I really did see the rest of my life with her as a person, but I felt like the cost of moving to a country with little infrastructure and few job opportunities was too higher cost to pay, as this was definitely a hardship station. I love travel, working abroad and everything, but I couldn't live with having no agency over where that would be, and didn't feel fully recognised in the relationship. Has anyone been in this situation or had similar experiences, and where did you end up?

submitted by /u/Medical_News6217
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "I realised... Wherever I go, I will always be a loser.", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1udbtui/i_realised_wherever_i_go_i_will_always_be_a_loser/", "author": "/u/ImALoserAbroad", "date": "2026-06-23T08:58:51+00:00", "content": "

Using a throwaway because my friends and acquantances know my reddit profile and I'm too scared to show my failure to them... I really hope someone in a similar position to me thinks twice before making a massive move.

I'm a 27 year old loser. I have never had more than 3 friends at a time, I have never dated, let alone been in a relationship, I am currently a student and unemployed, living off savings.

I am from Romania, but I spent 2 years in France in high school, then graduated in the UK, worked in finance, but I burned out, and now I'm studying in a Japanese language school as a "gap year". My boss was quite upset because I left in the middle of a crucial project but he wished me all the best.

Japan is amazing, don't get me wrong, I LOVE the country! My Japanese isn't amazing (currently studying N2, but I'd rate myself N3 in conversation and reading) but the people have been incredibly friendly. I sometimes went home trying not to cry because I was just shocked by the kindness of people. I love going to different restaurants, cafes, exploring, buying books, taking photos, looking at all the lenses (I obviously can't afford), it's great!

That being said... The loneliness is getting to me. I am looking back at my life and realising that I have always tried to run away from my problems. I thought "Maybe it's not my fault, it's the country I am in!" I was ruthlessly bullied in Romania for being weak and feminine which is why I moved to the UK where I felt accepted but... I still was not able to make life long friendships... As for relationships, it's a black hole - 0 experience, never even held hands with a girl. I don't even know if I want to be in one because I am certain it will end in disaster but everyone is pestering me why I am still single...

And I realised, maybe I should have thought things through. My parents are getting old and frail, their son is a loser with no prospects, and he is currently playing with toys and watching cartoons while his peers are starting families, progressing in their careers and buying property. I really feel like I let them down...

Though really... I was miserable in my previous job, in 4 years I was unable to get promoted due to constantly getting sick from stres... I don't know, I got put on medication, been going to therapy for years, and nothing worked. I really wanted to study abroad while I was young, especially in Japan which has always been my dream.

And now I am lost... My former boss surely won't take me with my tail between my legs after I screwed him over, and really, I don't want to go back.

So really, "wherever you go, there you are". Going abroad might not fix your issues, so think twice before making such a massive move. Do I regret it though? Yes and no at the same time. Because at least I now know myself better and I guess I accomplished my dream.

submitted by /u/ImALoserAbroad
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "REPOST: moving from aus to Canada", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1uceie9/repost_moving_from_aus_to_canada/", "author": "/u/kuku_uk", "date": "2026-06-22T08:09:09+00:00", "content": "

Hi everyone,
I\u2019m currently studying Occupational Therapy in Sydney, Australia, and my spouse and I are hoping to relocate to Ontario, Canada after I graduate in about 2.5 years. We were initially considering Montreal, but we have now changed our plans and are looking more seriously at Ontario, possibly Toronto or surrounding areas.
By the time I graduate, I expect to have around two years of experience working as an Occupational Therapy Assistant. I understand that, as an internationally educated OT, I will likely need to complete credential assessment and registration requirements before practising in Canada.
I would really appreciate advice from any OTs, internationally educated OTs, or Australians who have made a similar move.
I\u2019d love to hear about:
The OT registration/licensing pathway for Ontario
Any OT exams or assessment processes I should prepare for
Visa or immigration pathways that may be relevant
The job market for OTs in Ontario/Toronto
Cost of living and quality of life
Experiences moving from Australia to Canada
Anything you wish you had known before relocating
If there is anything I should start preparing now while I am still studying, I would really appreciate your advice.
Thank you in advance for any help or insight.

submitted by /u/kuku_uk
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "Tired of Asia and being alone, but America is burning. So what now?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1u76i26/tired_of_asia_and_being_alone_but_america_is/", "author": "/u/Navi-blue22", "date": "2026-06-16T07:20:09+00:00", "content": "

I would love some advice or perspectives to help me in this funk.

I'm an American woman in my early 30s. I've been teaching at international schools in Asia for about 7 years now. I left for this life during Trump's first term and my fears of the future, and I did it knowing there was a chance that Trump was a sign of America's true decline and I'd never realistically be able to go back and build a good life.

To preface, I have no family. A lot of trauma through my 20s that I'm always working on in therapy. Asia has been hard for me, personally. Between the Covid years, culture shock, abusive people and jobs, mental health struggles and not ever finding my core friend tribe, I find that I've grown as a teacher in these years and certainly found independence but I have no close relationships around me and the transient nature of being an expat in Asia doesn't encourage it. I've done the social group and dating app thing all this time. Things just don't stick.

The obvious answer is, go home where you're more likely to meet someone you can deeply relate to. Many voices say it's a mistake, and I can remember the struggles I had with finances in America and being a public school teacher. Things seem even worse over there now.

I know Asia is where the real money in teaching is but I can't keep doing this. I can't keep giving up years I could be finding love or long term friends in exchange for a career that only offers material comfort. I am ashamed to say that I am deeply lonely. I think about trying to find a job in Europe often, even if I will likely be broke.

Maybe someone has been at a similar point and found a path? Thanks for reading if you got this far.

Tl;Dr: tired of life in Asia, wanting to be near people I relate with more, home to America doesn't seem a good option...what do?

submitted by /u/Navi-blue22
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "Conflicted feelings about moving. Is this normal?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1tzk9on/conflicted_feelings_about_moving_is_this_normal/", "author": "/u/StandardGoatPerson", "date": "2026-06-07T18:40:58+00:00", "content": "

My mother and I are planning to move to her home country to be with our family, which will be easier for both them and us. I\u2019ve been wanting to move there since 2022 and I love it when we visit. I\u2019ve only been there twice, for a month each time. We decided we would move at some point after 2024, but finances and my health got in the way. Changes in the country where we live right now is driving us to go sooner than later.

As I said, I\u2019ve been looking forward to going and love it there, yet for some reason I\u2019m starting to feel weird about it. We\u2019ve been organizing our stuff to see what we\u2019ll bring and get rid of (either donate or sell), revising finances, checking out moving requirements, and planning out what else we need to do. What I know so far is:

- We still have a lot to save. I\u2019m not currently working due to still recovering both physically and mentally, but I\u2019m researching what I can do to help get some income in. My mother is the only one bringing in any money. Recently, we\u2019ve been hit with back to back financial complications from both taxes and educational expenses.

- Sending boxes over is too expensive. We\u2019ve been searching for a good moving company for boxes and books, but they either don\u2019t work with her home country or want USD$1000 per box, even if it\u2019s banker\u2019s size. So, we have to sell most of our things and bring as much as we can using checked bags. We\u2019re going to need help moving the checked bags, but asking a relative to come help is pretty expensive too, as much as having someone around would help not aggravate issues with our physical health (she has health issues too).

- I need to be cleared by my doctors before I can go. I have different health conditions that could make travel difficult where I would need accommodations; such as with allergies and intolerances (I\u2019ll have to most likely bring my own food on a nearly 20hr travel). While they told me I would be fine traveling before, a health event a few months ago has left me still recovering both physically and mentally. Before that, though, I was prepping to move, was in the process of returning to job searching, and had already gotten some documents I need to request to be apostilled (albeit not all). I haven\u2019t been able to continue any processes with my documents since then.

- Getting all of my documents finished and stamped will take more than 3 months to complete, at the fastest. Some of the documents I have to order from another state and we don\u2019t have the means to go in person.

It\u2019s complicated to say the least. Part of me is excited to go because I\u2019ll be with my family, see friends, and have access to healthcare my insurance here won\u2019t cover. Another part of me wonders if we\u2019ll be able to go when we would like to due to finances, my health, and when I will be able to finish getting my documents in order. Logically, if we need to wait, it would probably be best to ensure security. But, on the other hand\u2026 my grandfather\u2019s health is getting worse and he\u2019s already been to the hospital twice this year. If something happens and we don\u2019t get there in time, I don\u2019t know what we\u2019ll do; especially my mom\u2026

Looking at our old things has also left me feeling very bittersweet. So many things didn\u2019t go to plan, even what we had for where we live currently. Revising everything is like reading a book of our lives here. I feel loved and heartbroken at the same time. And part of it is leaking out into us moving. Although I couldn\u2019t control what happened, I\u2019m struggling to not feel guilty for us not being able to move sooner. I sometimes wonder if we\u2019ll actually be able to go with everything that happened. I have faith that we\u2019ll be able to someday - I just don\u2019t know if it\u2019ll be when we want it to be. I\u2019d like to make things easier for us, especially as my mom deserves it. I don\u2019t know\u2026 I just feel overwhelmed and complicated\u2026 My mom says it\u2019s because I\u2019ve lived here all my life and may not want to leave, but I\u2019m not sure\u2026 Do I feel like there\u2019s still more to do? To wrap up too?

Has anyone else gone through this or something similar? How did you feel when you started getting closer to actually moving?

Before anyone asks, yes, I\u2019m going to therapy. I\u2019m also doing other things to improve my physical and mental health; including implementing tools to help me more in the moment (ex. Cane when needed, DARE app, cold water bottle, meds). I\u2019m also working on a plan to make travel smoother when the time comes, such as talking with the airline as another thread mentioned for health accommodations. If you have any tips for this too, it would be much appreciated.

Thank you in advance and have a wonderful day!

submitted by /u/StandardGoatPerson
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "Staying vs going - running in circles", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1ttnjee/staying_vs_going_running_in_circles/", "author": "/u/BoniPeanut", "date": "2026-06-01T10:00:40+00:00", "content": "

I'm 31F living in Belgium. I moved here from southern Europe as it's one of, if not THE hub for people with my degree (PoliSci) and I was looking forward building my career

Fast forward five years, internship after internship, I'm in a job I don't like, and find it hard to connect to the city and the working environment. I do speak one of the local languages (French) on a B2/C1 level, but I still find it quite challenging to integrate with locals. The international bubble is quite big and comprises most of my relationships, but it's very much based on work and I quite hate it. Those friends I made left or want to leave.

I have been dating a local (Flemish) for a few months, whom I deeply appreciate and I start falling for, but I still feel confused about what to do: if I think of staying here permanently I feel like panicking, but at the same time nowhere feels exactly right; I'd like to change career but I don't have strong passions to follow; my friends and family live in different places.

I've been going to therapy but at this point I feel like I'm running in circles, trying to find a way out that I cannot see.

Did any of you go through this?

submitted by /u/BoniPeanut
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "If you're living in another country long term and want to start going to therapy, do you look for a therapist from your home country/culture?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1tcdtxh/if_youre_living_in_another_country_long_term_and/", "author": "/u/Sensitive-Soup4733", "date": "2026-05-13T21:40:00+00:00", "content": "

I'd like to start therapy soon, but I'm undecided whether to look for a Filipino therapist (where I'm from), considering that I currently live in Spain. Culturally, they're different, and I don't feel 100% attached to several Filipino values either, but I feel like a foreigner therapist won't understand my upbringing since Filipino culture has so many nuances.

Basically, I need to process how I grew up so that I can be better for the future... But the places and hence cultures where both have taken place are so different lol

Curious as to how anyone else might've done it?

submitted by /u/Sensitive-Soup4733
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "Are allied health degrees useful in other countries?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1sgye2s/are_allied_health_degrees_useful_in_other/", "author": "/u/Ok_Wolf2676", "date": "2026-04-09T18:43:31+00:00", "content": "

i'm a veterinary technician and I am looking for a career change anyways, but especially because I've researched and found that outside of north America, and a few western European countries (and no i have no interest in becoming a veterinarian), veterinary technician as a job role doesn't really exist. While I have no interest in being a human nurse, which I know that travel nurses are high in demand, I do see myself in another healthcare role that deals with technology (i.e. radiologist technician, respiratory therapy). As far as the country I'm looking to venture to, it would be somewhere in Central America, or somewhere in West or South Africa. Do these countries seek people with allied health degrees before I waste my time and money? I am on a course to learn Spanish as well, since I know learning the language of where you want to go is the first step.

submitted by /u/Ok_Wolf2676
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "therapy", "title": "I have had interested in living abroad for a few months for awhile now but am nervous to leave my job", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1s9js8a/i_have_had_interested_in_living_abroad_for_a_few/", "author": "/u/anxiouslydazed", "date": "2026-04-01T12:57:04+00:00", "content": "

I (26F) have a Master's degree in occupational therapy and have been working at my job for some time now. Almost a year ago I went through a major life changing event; My mom died from cancer. Since then I have been trying to find myself and I have always wanted to travel but just never could between school, money and probably some fear. Now I have some more extra money and am doing my first out of country (from Canada) trip to Amsterdam in the spring.

Deep down this doesn't feel enough for me. I don't feel like I have experienced enough and after losing my mom it has filled my mind with questions about myself, about the world and about my time. I work a govt job and it's a good paying job for where I live, It's cozy i guess you could say. I'm still learning if I like it or not. An added complication is that I only worked here for a few months before my Mom passed and then I took months off. I have bene back since the fall but only working modified hours, while intensively learning this role. My job provides a lot of supervision for the first year (or so in my case) of your full time career. I could ask for a leave of absence but I could see why that may be complicated as I am still new to my profession, this job, my skills - but then the other side of me wants more freedom to travel, see the world, trying living somewhere else for a few months. I'd like to take a contract even up north in my country for a few months or work something more casual abroad but I just feel so stuck, like I don't know what the next steps are. I think it's even ironic that I am sitting at my desk at work writing this right now.

I'm wondering if anyone else has had even a slightly similar experience. I feel like I need to tough it out for a little longer, at least until I am back to full time hours. But I also feel like there is always going to be an excuse to not try and experience something. I want to do something while I am still young and haven't settled down fully besides having a bf. Thanks for reading my thoughts if you've made it this far.

submitted by /u/anxiouslydazed
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "human design", "title": "I wonder if anyone can relate to this", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1s2vfxf/i_wonder_if_anyone_can_relate_to_this/", "author": "/u/Sad-Librarian4776", "date": "2026-03-25T00:18:51+00:00", "content": "

When I felt suffocated in my home country, the instinct was to leave. And that instinct turned out to be right.

Being abroad is uncomfortable by design. New culture, new environment, no familiar reference points. The only thing that worked was adapting. Fighting the environment never did anything except make it worse.

What happened slowly, almost without noticing, was that learning a new language rewired how I saw reality. I stopped taking my home culture\u2019s version of the world as truth. I realized it was always just one lens among many, and a limited one. That shift changed something permanently. But there\u2019s a layer beyond that, and I don\u2019t see many people talking about it, even among people who have lived in multiple countries and speak several languages.

For me, it was going deeper into technology. Understanding code. Understanding AI. Understanding what actually runs underneath the screen.

Because once I did, something clicked. The social constructs my home country sold me as absolute reality were just layers. Programmable, revisable, human-made layers. The same way living abroad showed me that my culture\u2019s worldview was not the world itself, understanding technology showed me that the entire system we call reality is far more malleable than I was taught.

submitted by /u/Sad-Librarian4776
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "human design", "title": "How have you gone about deciding where to move next?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1pottga/how_have_you_gone_about_deciding_where_to_move/", "author": "/u/lalabelle1978", "date": "2025-12-17T11:04:02+00:00", "content": "

Make a list and then just go on holidays?? Short weekend if within Europe?

I am an expat in Denmark, and because of my nice job with nice culture and colleagues I always suppressed or \u201cmake do\u201d with all the other things troubling me outside work. I\u2019m French, so literally next door. And yet I miss so much access to the diversity and importance of the arts and culture (art exhibitions, fashion, music, reading books) But also small talk and expressive people even if grumpy they just express emotions easily. Even if us humans we re all the same, but we show it differently. -and then long winters / bad weather all year that wear me down. depression is never far-

I\u2019m single no kids, partly due to unable to find anyone in Denmark. So really \u2026I am free to pack and go. I\u2019m on a sabbatical right now to figure out if it\u2019s me, or my environment. I\u2019m in France and feel much more lively. But I also miss the feeling of being an expat, you know the adventure it brings you :D a contradiction right?!
\u2026I should find a job, I\u2019m afraid that apart from the more dynamic economies of the north there won\u2019t be anything for me\u2026 I\u2019m trying different cities in France : Paris, Lyon, Lille, or francophone areas : Belgium, Switzerland, Luxembourg. I don\u2019t need a complete Latin Mediterranean vibe, but somewhere a bit more expressive warm. As soon as I leave the Scandi region I get that. But they re also the ones who have trusted me for various jobs\u2026honest, and trusting. I\u2019m just afraid I won\u2019t find any job anywhere else\u2026I\u2019m in corporate creative aka Design. I could use all my knowledge to be a consultant but not sure how to find clients\u2026

submitted by /u/lalabelle1978
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "How to move to Spain in next 5 years and then to move to Asia from there?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1xfc303/how_to_move_to_spain_in_next_5_years_and_then_to/", "author": "/u/Tall-Collection-3883", "date": "2026-10-25T19:56:17+00:00", "content": "

Hello guys,

I was wondering what my route could be to achieve financial freedom or find a location-independent job that would allow me to live in different parts of the world. My dream is to spend 2\u20133 years in Spain, specifically in Granada, Andalusia, then move to the Far East, perhaps Beijing, Guangzhou, or Shanghai, and eventually spend a year or two in NYC.

A little about my educational background and career path:

I have a bachelor's degree in Law from the University of Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina. However, since my degree is primarily based on the Bosnian legal system, I'm concerned about its usefulness outside the country.

After graduating, I worked internationally as a flight attendant, but I eventually left the aviation industry because I found the job draining and unfulfilling.

I'm currently working at an NGO in the field of education, gaining experience in program coordination, administration, and organizational management.

At the same time, I've enrolled in a university to pursue my second bachelor's degree, this time in Business Administration. My goal is to broaden my professional opportunities beyond the legal field and develop skills that are more internationally transferable.

After completing this degree, I'm considering pursuing two separate master's degrees: one in International Law and another in Management.

As for languages, I'm fluent in Bosnian and English, have some knowledge of German, which I'd like to improve to at least B1 level, and I'm also interested in learning Spanish. I've already purchased a Spanish course on Udemy.

On the financial side, I'm planning to start swing trading cryptocurrencies as a potential additional source of income.

That's pretty much where I stand right now.

My question is: Is there a realistic path toward building an internationally mobile career with this kind of educational background and professional experience? If I manage to accomplish these goals over the next 5\u20136 years, do you think I'll have the qualifications and skills necessary to move abroad again and support myself while living in different countries?

I'd really appreciate any advice, especially from people who have managed to build location-independent careers or successfully transitioned into international employment.

submitted by /u/Tall-Collection-3883
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Anyone here successfully transitioned from blue-collar work to a remote/WFH career?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1xewfrp/anyone_here_successfully_transitioned_from/", "author": "/u/gettergoin12", "date": "2026-10-25T07:57:18+00:00", "content": "

Hey everyone!

I\u2019m a Filipino-American who recently relocated to the Philippines after spending several years working in the US as a CDL truck driver in the foodservice industry.
I\u2019m currently looking to transition into remote work, preferably with a US-based or international company. I\u2019ve been actively applying through JobStreet, Indeed, and other platforms, but one of my biggest challenges is not having direct experience in remote or corporate roles.

I\u2019m open to both voice and non-voice positions, and I\u2019m willing to learn new skills or undergo training to make the transition.
Just curious if anyone here has successfully made the jump from blue-collar work into a decent-paying remote career.
What type of role did you land? How did you get your foot in the door? Were there any courses, certifications, or platforms that helped you?

I\u2019d especially appreciate advice from anyone who started with little to no remote work experience.
Not looking for shortcuts or get-rich-quick schemes, just genuine advice and experiences from people who\u2019ve been through it.
Thanks in advance!

submitted by /u/gettergoin12
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Ex-expat \u2728 comfortable financially..but craving a different life, country..", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1wzji8f/exexpat_comfortable_financiallybut_craving_a/", "author": "/u/Resident-Bobcat-9668", "date": "2026-10-07T01:03:29+00:00", "content": "

People of the \ud83c\udf0e who quit, changed careers, moved countries, got laid off, or are just in a weird transition phase\u2026 heyyy \u270c\ud83c\udffb\ud83d\ude0a

I\u2019m 37. I spent the last 4 years living and working in Berlin! I got laid off, came back to my small Portuguese hometown due to personal reasons, one job offer in Lisbon that in the end didn\u2019t happen and bcs one family member got sick. During those years I was on an unpaid leave, yes very lucky here..but I\u2019ve now been told: Your leave is over.

So here I am, living with my parents again, (send help), thinking in going back to my old work (I hate the people and the atmosphere). For your context: I have a permanent contract at a public entity, and my brain/body is screaming: I WANT MY OLD LIFE..

Financially, this is my position:
\u2022\u20ac40k in savings,
\u2022a flat that\u2019s rented for \u20ac1,100/month (\u20ac200k value),
\u2022\u20ac120/month left on the mortgage.

No one\u2019s have everything..I want to connect and read your realities. I\u2019m feeling sad..I don\u2019t want to spend my lates 30s in my hometown.

I miss Berlin or better saying: the cosmopolitan city and my community! I miss anonymity. International people. Stimulus. Feeling like my life is mine..

I want a new job, one that excites me\u2026 but I also know I have a safety job and I\u2019m trying to remind myself that maybe I should act in a STRATEGIC WAY: time to afford, taking care of myself mentally and physically, applying to remote/hybrid works, and when I will feel overwhelmed I always can go on holidays or take a sick leave..as this work doesn\u2019t allow to do home office lol!

I\u2019d love to hear from women and man who have been through something similar..the DILEMMA of what to do after being an EXPAT, having a SAFE JOB but hating the small city and the job..

Lately I\u2019ve been thinking about Netherlands..but I would go only with a job, as I don\u2019t want to pay for expensive rents. Yes I\u2019m this combination of adventure and safety in person.

Lots of love and courage to all \u2764\ufe0f tks for reading :)

submitted by /u/Resident-Bobcat-9668
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "After 15 years abroad (NYC & Berlin), I\u2019m moving back to Melbourne for my aging parents. Struggling with loss of identity and fear of regret. Anyone gone through this?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1wygyg7/after_15_years_abroad_nyc_berlin_im_moving_back/", "author": "/u/mykelblah", "date": "2026-10-05T18:56:13+00:00", "content": "

TL;DR: Left Melbourne at 28, spent 15 years building a life in NYC and Berlin. Today I handed in my lease in Berlin to move back to Melbourne to spend time with my aging parents and 89-year-old Grandmother. I know why I'm going, but I feel like I'm losing my identity. I've really outgrown Australia in many ways and the thought of starting over socially and professionally at 42 is very duanting. Looking for advice or support from anyone who made the move back for family.

Hi everyone,

I\u2019m posting this because I\u2019m in the middle of a major life pivot, and to be honest, I\u2019m feeling pretty overwhelmed by the emotional weight of it all. I\u2019m hoping to connect with others who have been in a similar boat or navigated reverse repatriation after a long time away.

A quick background: I\u2019m originally from Melbourne, but left Australia when I was 28. I spent a few years living in New York City, and eventually moved to Berlin, where I\u2019ve obtained my citizenship and built a life over the last decade. All up, I\u2019ve been away for almost 15 years.

Just today, I handed in the written termination letter for my absolute dream apartment in Berlin, and I recently wrapped up a well-paid job here. The decision to leave didn't happen because I fell out of love with Europe, quite the opposite. Europe feels like home to me in a way Australia hasn't for a long time. I feel far more European at heart than Australian these days.

I'm making this move for my family. My parents are aging, and every time I went back to visit over the last few years, I noticed them getting noticeably older, slower, and more frail. My Grandmother is now 89. Living on the other side of the planet while they get older has become really strange and I often get very emotional when I think of them. I know that once they're gone, they're gone, and I couldn't live with the regret of missing these final years with them.

So, I\u2019m doing it. I\u2019m heading back to Melbourne. But as much as I know why I'm doing it, I'm utterly terrified.

I feel like I'm giving up a massive piece of my identity. I\u2019m worried I\u2019m going to feel like an imposter back in Australia. I feel stuck in that classic expat limbo where you don't fully belong anywhere anymore.

On top of that, while I still have old university friends in Melbourne who are good people, we\u2019ve grown completely apart over 15 years. Our lives, perspectives, and daily realities are so different now. The thought of starting over career-wise, socially, and finding a place to live in my early 40s feels daunting.

Has anyone else made this return move after a long stretch away for family reasons?

I\u2019d really appreciate any words of support, shared experiences, or perspectives on how you navigated the transition. Thanks for reading.

submitted by /u/mykelblah
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Finally received an offer after six months", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1w2krgk/finally_received_an_offer_after_six_months/", "author": "/u/waldo0822", "date": "2026-08-30T15:36:32+00:00", "content": "

My background

My current company has not been doing particularly well commercially, which was the main reason I started looking.

The job market

The Singapore market has been difficult. Many roles either require candidates who already have unrestricted working rights or companies are reluctant to sponsor an Employment Pass.

Referrals helped me get 2-3 interviews, but the overall experience was still frustrating:

That last rejection was particularly difficult because the role was closely aligned with my experience. At that point, I was seriously questioning whether I should pause the search, focus on improving interviewing and then start again.

The Dubai opportunity

In parallel, I was interviewing with a fast-growing consumer fintech in Dubai.

On paper, there is a lot to like:

However, the interview process raised some concerns:

The offer

The offer is at the same level as my current role.

Financially, it is only marginally better after considering the cost of living, even with Dubai\u2019s lack of personal income tax. So this is not an obvious promotion or a major compensation upgrade.

The reasons to accept would mainly be:

My wife and I are open to Dubai and are considering it as a potential long-term base, particularly because we may qualify for a Golden Visa. Initially, I would move alone, with my wife joining me toward the end of 2027.

This makes the decision about more than just the job:

So the real trade-off is between the life we have already built in Singapore and the long-term security Dubai could offer, even though the immediate career move is not particularly compelling.

I would especially appreciate perspectives from people who have moved from Singapore to Dubai, or accepted a role mainly for its long-term career value rather than an immediate financial upgrade.

submitted by /u/waldo0822
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "New type of Spanish visa", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1vq04ea/new_type_of_spanish_visa/", "author": "/u/werchoosingusername", "date": "2026-08-16T15:34:01+00:00", "content": "

Just saw it posted in social media. I have no idea if it is true, so do your own due diligence.

Link is in the comments.

"Spain has introduced updated immigration regulations that grant eligible non-EU citizens the legal right to stay in the country for up to twelve months while actively seeking employment.

This updated policy allows international candidates to move to Spain first, giving them the flexibility to settle in, adjust to the local lifestyle, and participate directly in face-to-face job interviews.

Rather than navigating the difficult process of securing a confirmed work contract from abroad, candidates can explore the job market in person and network with prospective employers on the ground.

However, obtaining this job-seeker visa does not serve as an automatic, unconditional work permit. Individuals who enter the country under this status are strictly permitted to search for employment during the designated one-year timeframe. Once an applicant receives a formal employment offer, they must transition to an authorized employment residence permit that satisfies all official criteria.

Because specific eligibility conditions, necessary financial proofs, and legal procedures vary depending on individual background and qualifications, prospective candidates should consult Spain\u2019s Ministry of Inclusion, Social Security and Migration (Ministerio de Inclusi\u00f3n) before initiating their paperwork.

This initiative marks a significant step forward in making international career transitions more accessible, offering foreign talent a dedicated legal pathway to establish a professional presence within the Spanish labor market."

submitted by /u/werchoosingusername
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "33M, IIT Bombay, 9+ YOE in Indian startups/NBFC - how useful would a top global MBA be for moving abroad?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1vknit5/33m_iit_bombay_9_yoe_in_indian_startupsnbfc_how/", "author": "/u/one-life2802", "date": "2026-08-10T15:09:26+00:00", "content": "

I'm 33M, married, based in India, with 9+ years of experience in the startup/NBFC/fintech ecosystem. I'm considering a top global MBA, primarily as a pathway to eventually move my career + life outside India.

I'm looking for honest, objective perspectives - especially from people who have done an MBA at a similar age, moved countries after an MBA, or have experience hiring MBA graduates internationally.

Background / My_Qualifications

Why I'm considering an MBA:

My primary motivation is not salary or career progression in India - it's relocation and quality of life.

I\u2019ve spent my entire education and career in India, and I\u2019m now seriously exploring building my next phase of life in developed markets (US/UK/Europe/Singapore/Australia, etc.).

The main gap is that I have no international work experience and no global network.

I\u2019m trying to understand whether a top global MBA (INSEAD / LBS / HBS / Stanford / Wharton, etc.) could act as a bridge - providing international exposure, a global network, and structured access to recruiting in other countries.

I\u2019m also aware I\u2019d likely graduate around 35 (especially from 1-year programs), so I\u2019m trying to understand how much age impacts post-MBA recruiting outcomes.

I would be very grateful for any thoughts, advice, or perspectives on the following:

  1. How realistic is it to move abroad directly from India with a profile like mine, without an MBA?
  2. Does a top global MBA meaningfully improve chances of landing a job abroad, or is its value overstated?
  3. Is 33 too late for a full-time MBA from a recruiting perspective?
  4. Would you personally invest 1 - 2 years + high cost primarily for geographic transition?
  5. Which countries/programs are most realistic for this goal?
  6. For those who moved abroad after an MBA - how much did it actually help vs what you could have done without it?

I\u2019m not looking for validation that I should do an MBA. If you think there are better ways to achieve the same goal, I\u2019d genuinely appreciate that perspective too.

Especially interested in people who\u2019ve made a similar India \u2192 developed country transition in their 30s.

submitted by /u/one-life2802
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Berlin to London - any experiences?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1vdekdb/berlin_to_london_any_experiences/", "author": "/u/kalesvara", "date": "2026-08-02T10:27:31+00:00", "content": "

Hey everyone,

My husband and I are currently living in Berlin but considering a move to London after I got a job offer. We\u2019re really hoping to hear from anyone who has made a similar move, especially if you've transitioned between these two cities.

To give you some context on our situation: Right now, we make around \u20ac240k gross combined in Berlin. The new London offer would put our joint income at roughly \u00a3240k gross. I\u2019m German, but husband is not. He is also able to work in London. We are leaning heavily toward London because we simply look for a change but we are afraid we are not being realistic as grass is always greener on the other side.

Daily interactions: We really notice the difference in culture. In our experience, people in London are just so much friendlier, warmer, and nicer in daily, everyday interactions compared to Berlin.

Global hub: We travel a lot. London\u2019s airports are a massive upgrade for direct long flights. Also London seems to be such an amazing city for culture and food. When we are there, we enjoy our time a lot.

Career: We feel like we\u2019ve hit a growth ceiling in Berlin, and London seems to offer a much higher upward trajectory.

Expenses: Our major hesitation is future family planning and rental prices. Berlin childcare is basically free. We\u2019ve heard stories about how expensive the UK nursery system is. Our rent is 1/3 of what we would probably pay in London. We're worried those costs might completely wipe out the benefits.

For those who made the jump from Berlin to London: Was it worth it? How do you feel about the overall quality of life comparison for a couple in our position? Would love to hear any insights or personal experiences!

Thanks!

submitted by /u/kalesvara
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Expats who pursued medicine abroad: What has your experience been like?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1v2lriq/expats_who_pursued_medicine_abroad_what_has_your/", "author": "/u/Longjumping_Cell7646", "date": "2026-07-21T15:29:40+00:00", "content": "

Hi everyone!

I\u2019m a junior college student from the U.S. currently on the pre-med + pre-physician assistant track, and I\u2019m starting to seriously explore the possibility of pursuing medicine abroad after graduation. I would love to hear from anyone who has moved abroad for medical school, residency, physician assistant (PA) studies, or a healthcare career.

A little about my background: I\u2019m majoring in Psychology with a minor in Biology, and I\u2019m currently preparing for a career in medicine. I\u2019m also a Certified Clinical Medical Assistant (CCMA) and a Nationally Registered/Maryland EMT. I recently completed a clinical externship at Johns Hopkins Hospital, which gave me more insight into healthcare from the provider side.

Right now, I\u2019m exploring both the physician and PA routes and trying to figure out what type of healthcare career and environment would be the best fit for me long-term. I\u2019ve been considering moving abroad because I\u2019ve become increasingly interested in different healthcare systems and how they approach patient care. Growing up and living in the U.S., I\u2019ve seen how unjust and inaccessible healthcare can be, and I\u2019m interested in being part of a system that feels more accessible and equitable for both patients and providers.

I\u2019ll actually be studying abroad in Valencia, Spain this fall, and I\u2019m hoping to use that experience to better understand the Spanish healthcare system. I\u2019ve been looking into opportunities like hospital internships and research, but I\u2019ve run into some limitations because many clinical programs require advanced Spanish proficiency which I do not have.

For those of you who pursued medicine abroad or moved countries to work in healthcare:

I\u2019d really appreciate hearing about your experiences, both positive and challenging. Thank you!

submitted by /u/Longjumping_Cell7646
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Is it time to cut my losses with this stupid certificate program and leave to home country? Needs opinions", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1v0z9t1/is_it_time_to_cut_my_losses_with_this_stupid/", "author": "/u/PurpleJuice9696", "date": "2026-07-19T19:15:46+00:00", "content": "

I am 32 and I am currently enrolled in a one-year certificate program abroad for Logistics/SCM in KL with a college, hoping i could do a career transition because my career progress wasn't good back in my country. Now I\u2019m reaching a point where I need to decide if finishing it is a logical move. When I signed up, the program was marketed as a six-month course with a guaranteed internship. Since arriving, the goalposts have shifted: it is now a one-year program, and the "guaranteed" internship is no longer a certainty. Instead, I\u2019ve been told that if a relevant logistics placement isn\u2019t available, they will simply try to place students in hospitality roles, which has zero relevance to my career goals or background. All of this is because the delegates gave false information to my educational agents. I know this because it's not just me, all the students from my country, specifically my place, are victims. Management and other faculty doesn't have a clue when i say that, we were informed that the class duration was six months followed by a guaranteed internship. All that's happening now is, a gamble for a 50-50 chance of an intership after an year, in god knows which industry. Considering my age, i do not want to waste time on a gamble like that.

I am struggling with the ROI of this situation. Even if I were to complete the year-long program and somehow land a logistics internship, the path to a work visa (Employment Pass) requires a minimum salary threshold of RM 5,000. It is difficult to see how a company would hire someone with only a one-year certificate and a basic internship as a full-time professional at a salary level that qualifies for that visa (given that all my previous experience was in another field on another country, which the employers likes to always call as , irrelevant to the geography and industry). Given that the industry exposure is non-existent and the program's promises have not materialized, I feel like I am investing time and resources into a track that isn't leading to a legitimate career outcome.

At this stage, I am weighing whether to "stick it out" to finish the credential or cut my losses now to return home and refocus my career efforts on high-growth sectors like logistics operations or quick-commerce. Has anyone else been in a situation where their educational program pivoted significantly from what was initially promised? Does it make sense to continue a program when the path to legal, long-term employment in the region seems fundamentally broken, or is it better to pivot back to a market where I already have more stability and a clearer professional trajectory?

What do you guys suggest? I would like to know your opinions.

submitted by /u/PurpleJuice9696
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Sr Manager, ~12 years of supply chain analytics, targeting NL/DE with sponsorship. 70+ apps in, is this even possible in today's market?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1v0524h/sr_manager_12_years_of_supply_chain_analytics/", "author": "/u/Ok_Performance_3063", "date": "2026-07-18T19:31:33+00:00", "content": "

Hi all,
Looking for a blunt sanity check from people who have actually done this move recently or work in the European market. I am a manager-level professional in supply chain analytics at a large US company, with ~12 years of experience across S&OP, supply chain analytics, and FP&A. Graduate degree in industrial engineering from a US university, recognized as H+ on Anabin. Planning a family relocation to Europe in 2026. Netherlands is my primary target since I only know English, Germany is secondary, Belgium/Luxembourg tertiary.
Why this move matters (not a \u201cnice to have\u201d):
I am an Indian citizen currently in the US. Career growth here has effectively plateaued for me, and going to India even for a vacation is not possible right now because of ongoing US visa stamping delays and re-entry restrictions that make traveling out and back uncertain. Europe is genuinely the forward path I am working toward where there are fewer restrictions. It\u2019s not a lifestyle upgrade.
Where I am so far:
\u2022 70+ applications submitted
\u2022 Roughly half explicit rejections, the rest silence
\u2022 Zero LinkedIn profile views from any target company
\u2022 CV has gone through two major rewrites with feedback from an experienced EU hiring coach. Bullets are outcome-first, sponsorship line sits in the footer.
\u2022 Salary band \u20ac90-140K gross annual, flexible depending on role and 30% ruling eligibility
\u2022 Prioritizing applications where I have referal recently
\u2022 Chancenkarte eligible for Germany but have not pulled the trigger yet.

What I want blunt feedback on:
1. Is this move even realistic in the current market? Has anyone actually completed a US\u2192NL or US\u2192DE move at senior manager level (with sponsorship) in the last ~12 months? Or is the cold US\u2192Europe path effectively closed right now for people who need a Blue Card or HSM?
2. Is zero profile views from target companies a LinkedIn location problem (mine still says a US city), a sponsorship-line-on-CV problem, or something else I am missing?
3. Would you move on Chancenkarte first and job hunt from inside Germany, rather than cold-applying from the US? Anyone who has done both, what actually changed in your conversion rate?
4. Related: has anyone applied to German jobs from abroad with Chancenkarte already stamped but not yet used? Did response rate genuinely change vs cold US applications?
5. Which recruiter agencies actually deliver for supply chain / analytics senior manager roles in NL and DE? (Michael Page, Robert Walters, Hays worth pursuing?)
6. Anyone worked with a career coach specializing in US\u2192NL or US\u2192DE transitions with sponsorship? Names welcome, positive or negative.
7. Strong-fit employers I should be prioritizing that I am probably missing?

Happy to compare notes on CV structure, outreach templates, or target-company lists with anyone doing the same move. Thanks in advance for any honest input, even if the honest input is \u201cthe market is closed right now, wait 6 months\u201d.

submitted by /u/Ok_Performance_3063
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Homesick for Australia after 3 years in Paris", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1uzwenn/homesick_for_australia_after_3_years_in_paris/", "author": "/u/Sea_Pattern7394", "date": "2026-07-18T13:48:50+00:00", "content": "

26 F from Sydney with EU passport. Moved to Paris with my husband in 2023. Currently doing my master's and training in a large company that I like. Husband is happy and transitioning into his field after working an unrelated office job. We're both C1 French. It was hard work to get to this point but we've integrated pretty well.

Paris is great because of healthcare, lifestyle (small apartment but lively, walkable city), and big career opportunities that just don't exist in Australia.

BUT... I've been in a rut with the crazy heatwaves. Even as an Aussie, I have been struggling because we live in a hot studio. Also, most of our friends leave for the summer to visit back home or go travelling. I know these are very seasonal issues and will get better at the 'start' of the year in September. Yet, I dread the summer heat every year. We also have many friends who are planning to leave for good. So I keep asking myself if it's worth investing in a friendship.

In general, I've been rubbing up against the uptight social norms in Paris, i.e. strict social etiquette, emotional distance, grumpy city people etc. Parisians will pick fights over the dumbest shit lol. So there's an element of being fed up with city life and city people being mean. Sydney never felt too overwhelming. I miss Australian nature and being by the ocean so much. But, I hated the car culture, individualism, and isolation from the rest of the world. Paris is getting better in terms of green spaces but it's a very dense, busy city, and can still be quite individualist. I can't help but wonder if I'd like Melbourne as a compromise at some point.

Long term, I worry about being away from family, friends, strong community, and planning for long-term housing plus a kid in our 30s. That we would be isolated and struggle without emotional and care support. We're very close with some family but have issues with others.

Has anyone else had a similar experience of Paris or other international cities? Great places to live for so many reasons but also a struggle because of the transitory nature of people coming and going; the overall feeling that it's a city grind on hard mode.

Would love to hear how people are finding life in Australia right now!! Feel free to shatter my nostalgia haha...

submitted by /u/Sea_Pattern7394
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "US/French couple relocating to the US: spouse visa timeline and transition advice", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1usvnn9/usfrench_couple_relocating_to_the_us_spouse_visa/", "author": "/u/Disastrous-Willow391", "date": "2026-07-10T18:18:09+00:00", "content": "

Hello everyone,

We are an international couple (me, 37M, French; her, 37F, American) who met in the United States and have been living in France for the past few years.

For some time now, we have been considering moving back to the US. My wife has received several strong job opportunities there that would represent a significant step forward in her career, while she has been struggling to find similar opportunities in France.

On my side, I have had a comfortable career so far, but after a recent layoff and with some fatigue toward my industry, I am currently considering what comes next professionally, including a possible career change.

We have already started researching several aspects of this move, but my situation is more complicated than my wife's since I am a French citizen, have never lived in the US, and have only visited as a tourist.

I would therefore really appreciate feedback from people who have gone through a similar situation.

  1. Immigration and spouse visa

From what we understand, the most straightforward path would probably be applying for a spouse visa as the husband of a US citizen.

The difficulty is timing: my wife may need to take a US job opportunity relatively soon, while the immigration process on my side could take a significant amount of time.

We have looked into several possible scenarios:

. Visiting the US regularly as a tourist while the process is ongoing. My understanding is that this is possible, but that frequent or long visits could raise questions at the border because immigration officers may wonder whether someone is effectively trying to establish residence while entering as a visitor.

. Studying in the US as part of a career change while the spouse visa process is ongoing. Since student visas are non-immigrant visas, I am unsure whether having an immigrant process underway would make this unrealistic or create issues with the application.

. Trying to find an employer willing to sponsor me. I currently work in the video game industry as a concept artist and manager, with recent experience in studio-level art direction roles. However, the industry is currently going through a difficult period, with many layoffs and fewer sponsorship opportunities.

Has anyone here been in a similar situation? Are there options we may be overlooking, or things about these paths that we are misunderstanding?

  1. French investments and US taxation

Over the past few years, I have started building savings through different French products (PEA, PER, savings accounts, ETF brokerage accounts, life insurance, etc.).

From what I understand, becoming a US tax resident can make some French investment products complicated because of differences between French and US taxation, FATCA requirements, and the treatment of certain funds.

My current idea would be to keep whatever can realistically be kept, and move/reinvest the rest in the US once we relocate, rather than keeping overly complicated structures.

Some products are still relatively recent, so closing them early could also have costs.

I would be interested in hearing from people who have dealt with this transition. This is also an area where we are considering speaking with a France-US tax specialist.

Thanks a lot to anyone who can share their experience!

submitted by /u/Disastrous-Willow391
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "move to Dubai & figure it out later?? \ud83d\ude43", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1u7bt7r/move_to_dubai_figure_it_out_later/", "author": "/u/plantainchild", "date": "2026-06-16T12:14:06+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m looking for advice / insight from anyone who\u2019s moved to Dubai, please.

I\u2019ve wanted to relocate to Dubai for a year now and haven\u2019t yet been able to make it happen. I (34F) have a background in marketing and I\u2019d like to transition to sports. The Middle East is the fastest growing market for it.

Whilst I\u2019ve been searching for opportunities, it feels less viable to make a career transition happen at the same time as a relocation, so I\u2019m now broadening the search to other sectors.

However, it\u2019s been a slow grind: more demand than there is supply. I really want to make this happen though.

For anyone that\u2019s lived in Dubai - particularly those in marketing - do you think there\u2019s much success for someone moving with no plan and finding a job there? Quickly.

I\u2019m limited on savings so I wouldn\u2019t have a long runway, but it feels like it may perhaps be the only way. Applying remotely isn\u2019t getting me anywhere.

Any advice would be grateful appreciated!

submitted by /u/plantainchild
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "how do you handle constant relocation and uncertainty?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1u04txz/how_do_you_handle_constant_relocation_and/", "author": "/u/Melodic-Primary-6751", "date": "2026-06-08T11:12:03+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019ve been living abroad since 2016, when I left my home country at 20, and I\u2019ve moved across three different countries since then.

From quite early on, I felt drawn to living internationally, so building a life outside my home country has always been my path. Over time, I\u2019ve changed a lot as a person, and I don\u2019t really relate to who I was when I first left anymore.

Right now I\u2019m back in Europe, but living in my partner\u2019s country rather than my own. This is meant to be a temporary phase, but there\u2019s a lot of uncertainty around what comes next: visas, where I\u2019ll eventually settle, and what my long-term career will look like.

Lately, I\u2019ve noticed that living in constant transition has made it harder to feel grounded or \u201cat home\u201d anywhere. I\u2019m currently trying to understand how to manage that feeling better and build more stability internally, even when things externally are uncertain.

So I wanted to ask people who\u2019ve lived abroad long-term:

How do you deal with the feeling of not really belonging anywhere?
What helps you stay grounded when you don\u2019t have a fixed home base?

Any practical coping strategies, routines, or mindset shifts would really help.

submitted by /u/Melodic-Primary-6751
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "\ud83c\uddf3\ud83c\uddf4", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1tyjo5p/_/", "author": "/u/Patient_Brilliant_76", "date": "2026-06-06T15:05:39+00:00", "content": "

I recently moved to Norway from Germany to be with my boyfriend. We had a long-distance relationship before living together in Norway, and the transition has been difficult in the end.

It\u2019s not the culture shock or anything the hard for me it\u2019s the lack of personal fulfillment. And the social life and connections are very hard here like very hard.

In Germany, I had a demanding job with 7-8 hour shifts like in Norway and a strong sense of pride and independence. Since moving here, I feel like I\u2019ve lost that part of myself and I can feel it that I\u2019m not who I am anymore it very scary.So much of my fulfillment came from my career, but I haven\u2019t been able to find work here until now. I\u2019m here about 1,5 year now as well.

It feels like there\u2019s nothing to do, and I have no friends here. I\u2019ve never felt lonelier.this is very sad \ud83d\ude14

I feel like I\u2019m losing my sense of self here in Norway . I know I need to find hobbies and make friends, but Norway didn\u2019t make it easy way for me to fit in their not social circle-.- I\u2019m used to life in Germany, where work plays a big role and most of your free time is spent either socializing with friends or taking care of daily life. I have lot of frei friends back in Germany because they are social I meet a lot of international friends there.

It\u2019s lonely here. I know I\u2019ll get through it, but it\u2019s hard. My boyfriend is not a very social person, which makes things even more difficult for me. It\u2019s so hard to make friends and find a job in Norway. I\u2019ve been applying for all kinds of positions,

What makes it even harder is that my boyfriend doesn\u2019t really know how to help me. He is an introverted person like the rest of Norwegian, and I often feel lost and unsure of what to do. Sometimes I wonder if I should go back to Germany or stay here and continue dealing with this loneliness and depression-.-

I\u2019m also having relationship problems, which makes everything even more difficult. We\u2019ve been together for almost ten years. Sometimes I wonder if this is the price I have to pay for having a long-distance relationship and moving to a new country losing myself in the process.

so I feel stuck between two places. I honestly don\u2019t know what my next step should be.

submitted by /u/Patient_Brilliant_76
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Leaving the US for France soon -- excited, sad and looking for perspective", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1tq2wih/leaving_the_us_for_france_soon_excited_sad_and/", "author": "/u/raenico67", "date": "2026-05-28T13:00:01+00:00", "content": "

In a few weeks, I\u2019m leaving the US and moving to France for my semi-retirement chapter.

I\u2019ve lived on the east coast for 30+ years: Jersey suburbs & the city, all the stages of adult life. I built my career, raised my kids and created a home here -- and divorced too. This country has been my entire adult life.

My social connections/friendships have faded over the years. Some friends disappeared and many of the newer relationships I've tried to build feel transactional or one-sided. And this made it feel very isolating and now feel disconnected in a place that used to feel like home. I know I\u2019ve outgrown this phase of life.

I moved from Asia to France at 24, then to the US two years later, so starting over in a new country isn\u2019t unfamiliar to me. But this move feels emotionally heavier because now there are deep roots, especially my kids.

They\u2019re adults now with their own lives, careers and relationships. I\u2019m proud of them and they support me, but leaving them behind is heartbreaking in a way I didn\u2019t fully expect.

At the same time, I genuinely feel excited about what\u2019s ahead.

Whenever I\u2019m in France, especially around international communities, I feel a sense of community and human connection that I personally no longer feel in the US. Europe feels slower, more grounded and more aligned with the person I'm becoming. Even the new friends I made there felt genuine, they've reached out as I go through the process; while the friends here didn't even reach out -- if at all, it was fear-mongering.

So I\u2019m holding two emotions at once: grief about leaving my kids and excitement about beginning a new chapter for myself.

I\u2019m posting because I\u2019d love to hear from others who have:

How did the distance affect your relationship with your kids? Did the guilt ease over time? Any advice for making this transition emotionally easier?

I know I\u2019m not the first person to do this, but right now it feels huge. Thanks!

submitted by /u/raenico67
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Married recently and confused between moving to US vs staying in India for career", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1tglmby/married_recently_and_confused_between_moving_to/", "author": "/u/confusedaatma7", "date": "2026-05-18T12:48:25+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m 29, recently married, and currently in India while my husband lives in the US on H1B. He\u2019s an industrial engineer and has been working there for the last 3 years.

On paper, moving sounds simple. But the reality of the H4 visa honestly scares me a little. From what I understand, I may not be able to work immediately, and as someone who has spent 8 years building a career in tech, the thought of suddenly becoming dependent or taking a long career pause feels overwhelming.

At the same time, long distance after marriage has been emotionally exhausting too. We\u2019re trying to balance career growth, visa limitations, future plans about kids, finances, and just wanting to live together normally as a couple.

Some days I feel like I should move and figure it out together. Other days I wonder if staying in India for a while longer makes more sense for my career and independence.

Would genuinely love to hear from people who went through the H4 transition, long distance after marriage, or the India vs US dilemma. How did you make peace with the decision?

submitted by /u/confusedaatma7
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Is Taiwan a good long-term country for an international biotech student/researcher?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1t84whb/is_taiwan_a_good_longterm_country_for_an/", "author": "/u/Advanced_Passion_500", "date": "2026-05-09T13:22:28+00:00", "content": "

​

Hi everyone,

I\u2019m an Indian student planning to pursue a funded biotechnology-related Master\u2019s at NTU Taiwan. I previously spent a semester in Taiwan through an exchange program and had a very positive experience overall.

Now I\u2019m considering returning long-term and wanted honest advice from expats/international residents.

My long-term goals are:

- Building an international research career

- Financial independence

- Possibly transitioning later to Australia/Europe/US for PhD or work

Some things I wanted to ask:

- How realistic is long-term career growth in Taiwan for foreigners?

- Is Taiwan welcoming professionally/socially for Indian students?

- Is Mandarin necessary for long-term survival outside academia?

- How difficult is it for foreigners to get biotech/research jobs after graduation?

- Do many international students stay in Taiwan long-term or eventually move elsewhere?

- Does Taiwan generally provide good international career mobility later?

I genuinely enjoyed Taiwan during my exchange semester, so I\u2019m trying to understand whether returning for my Master\u2019s would be a smart long-term life and career decision.

Would really appreciate honest experiences and advice. Thank you

submitted by /u/Advanced_Passion_500
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Moving from Manufacturing to Mechanical Design/R&D in the Netherlands \u2014 looking for advice", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1ssl6pk/moving_from_manufacturing_to_mechanical_designrd/", "author": "/u/yamtar_tr", "date": "2026-04-22T13:14:56+00:00", "content": "

Hi all,

I wanted to ask for help and advice on my career transition. I hold a masters in aerospace engineering and am currently working in manufacturing in the Netherlands as a 5-Axis CAM programmer, and would like to transition into a design / R&D position.

I started my career as an information and data manager, creating bespoke CRM tools for large public sector clients in UK. But, I wanted to transition into a more manufacturing/engineering specific role so I decided to become a CNC machinist. My thought process was that I wanted to gain the hands on experience most people who graduated from university miss, seeing fixturing for manufacturing, assembly, actual part manufacturing etc.. All things which cause a lot of headaches later in the design process.

I than quite quickly moved up in the ladder and at the moment I am a 5-Axis CAM programmer. On the way I have machined everything from carbon fibre to tool steel, working and creating parts for aerospace, motorsport, defence and so on. Whilst also creating automation tools in the CAM programming process using my knowledge of Python and visual basic.

I know my experience is valuable however, I also know that my design experience is purely theoretical. I feel like I bring a lot of practical experience that should be valuable in R&D or design-for-manufacturing roles. However, although I have been applying for Junior Design Engineering roles, I am yet to hear anything positive back. I am applying through LinkedIn mainly and actively tailoring my CV and cover letter for each role I apply to.

Also, for context, I was based in the UK and only recently moved to Netherlands 9 months ago. I understand that the language is a massive negative in my favour however, I had to move for my wife\u2019s work.

My questions were am I looking at the right places? Should I include recruiters in my search? Any other pointers will be much appreciated. Happy to provide more context if required. Thank you.

submitted by /u/yamtar_tr
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "High-paying local role vs. International mobility: Am I closing doors?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1sijcyr/highpaying_local_role_vs_international_mobility/", "author": "/u/hchchc7777777", "date": "2026-04-11T13:38:29+00:00", "content": "

Hi everyone,

I\u2019m at a crossroads and need a reality check.

I\u2019m a 34F (Big 4 Audit+Local capital market regulators+ Canadian MBA) currently back in my home country after studying in Canada. I\u2019ve always dreamed of a global career, but the transition has been tougher than expected.

The Offer: I just received a local offer at a semiconductor company:

The Dilemma: I want to live/work internationally (any developed countries) in the long term, but my recent applications outside my home country, including Canada, have had zero traction. I\u2019m worried that if I take this role, I\u2019m "settling" and will become too "local" to ever move again. I also worried about a 1-year gap since graduating from MBA will be too long if I continue looking for international opportunities instead of taking this offer.

My Questions:

  1. Does a senior local role in a global industry (Semiconductors) help with international hire-ability later, or will I be pigeonholed?
  2. Is it realistic to pivot from a local to an MNC local branch after a few years, the internal transfer to a global MNC regional hub in my late 30s or early 40s?

Any perspectives, especially those who have ever had similar exp/paths, are welcome and highly appreciated. Thank you!

submitted by /u/hchchc7777777
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Can anyone give me advice on how to relocate back to the US after studying in Europe?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1sh4dag/can_anyone_give_me_advice_on_how_to_relocate_back/", "author": "/u/castleban", "date": "2026-04-09T22:25:18+00:00", "content": "

Hey Reddit,

So I\u2019m an American that is graduating in a few months after finishing my masters in Germany. It\u2019s been a few years since I left the US.

This academic journey to study in Germany was a great experience but I don\u2019t think I\u2019m landing a post grad job here :(

After finishing my masters thesis by July I want to start planning my move back to the US, does anyone have any advice or tips when making the transition back? Especially from other Americans that have done this and got their degree abroad but ended up relocating back?

I know the first thing to do is just line up a job before moving to the city, but is there anything else? Especially how do I secure housing since I\u2019m far away? On my resume/ cover letter do I just explain my situation?

I think I\u2019m just nervous and overthinking since it\u2019s been a few years and the US feels foreign to me :(

Also I have no real connections in the US (bad family relationship, few friends) ideally I would like to live in a completely new city. So it doesn\u2019t matter where I go back in the US.

I just want stability again and to start laying roots somewhere as I\u2019m 30 and ready to just concentrate on career growth, I\u2018ve been living minimally while studying here and I can\u2019t bring much back anyway. So yea if anyone has advice I\u2019m all ears I got no one to help me.

submitted by /u/castleban
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Potential Job Offer- Need Advice", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1rw6vaj/potential_job_offer_need_advice/", "author": "/u/Outrageous-Leopard43", "date": "2026-03-17T13:41:49+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m stuck deciding what I\u2019m going to do and how to navigate this situation. Any advice is appreciated. I\u2019m doing an apprenticeship after transitioning into a new career. I currently split my time between living in Southern Europe and the US.

Company A: 35K salary (apprenticeship), unlimited PTO, flexible working hours (I can step out of office whenever I need to), great colleagues, fully remote, opportunities to take lead with projects, and propose new ideas. I\u2019ve worked here for 1.5 years and the job ends in December. HR asked me to spend 6 months a year in the US. No one checks or seems to care. I just work on my team\u2019s time zone and spend 2-3 months in the US for the holidays.

Company B: 105- 125K salary range, good colleagues, fully remote, lots of professional development opportunities. Great start for my career. Everyone has worked there for 5+ years, which isn\u2019t common in my field. Seems like a nice group of people.

The thing is that Company B doesn\u2019t know about my European residence. I\u2019m waiting for an offer first to clarify the remote location aspect and see if they\u2019d be open to me working abroad.

Additional Information: My current salary is low, and I\u2019ve been applying to jobs in Europe but not having luck since I\u2019m relatively new to the field. Even with my salary, I\u2019m able to pay all my bills and have $300 left a month. Not much I know. I have a fully funded emergency savings of 6 months. No debt, no student loans. I have full residency in this European country, as I\u2019ve been living there for 4 years now, and will be eligible for citizenship in September.

Living abroad has been healing as I\u2019ve had the opportunity to rebuild myself after a traumatic work experience in the US. I have my own place in this country, amazing friends, cheap health insurance, the ocean is 30 mins from my place, and there are so many parks for my dog and I. I don\u2019t need a car bc public transportation is cheap and reliable. I feel safe and absolutely love living there.

With the way America is going, I\u2019m not sure if potentially having to move back is a move backwards if Company B requires me to. Financially it\u2019s great, I could save and be financially stable. Experience wise, Company B would be amazing for my professional growth.

Any advice would be 100% appreciated. Thank you!!

submitted by /u/Outrageous-Leopard43
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Question for expats having kids abroad", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1rsu5iv/question_for_expats_having_kids_abroad/", "author": "/u/Unique_Breadfruit722", "date": "2026-03-13T17:42:10+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m (30F) am from the UK and my fianc\u00e9 (34M) is from a small location abroad roughly 8 hours flight.

The plan was always to get married, move to where he is from and have kids there, then return to the UK down the line for schooling. My fiance would work for his extended-family business over there (no risk of him taking over the whole business) and I\u2019d work in tech (a career change). There aren\u2019t loads of opportunities there for me so I wouldn\u2019t want to move there forever, but the salaries are generally very very good (although high cost of living), the country is safe, English-speaking (simply for ease), his extended family (minus his mum) are out there and it\u2019s very beautiful.

However, I worry about getting stuck out there or my fiance not wanting to move back to the UK. Weighing up everything it looks as though I\u2019ve got a potential dream life but I\u2019m anxious about getting stuck without my support system\u2026. I know I need to speak to him about this and I will acknowledge I\u2019ve got an anxious mindset (coupled with three large life-altering milestones on the horizon with the wedding, kids and moving abroad), but what can we put in place to make the transition better; what other options are there (moving there after the first child is born and before the second?); any thoughts about how to calm my nerves??

submitted by /u/Unique_Breadfruit722
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "expats", "q": "career transition", "title": "Deciding to spend more time at home", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/expats/comments/1rg5ge9/deciding_to_spend_more_time_at_home/", "author": "/u/jpbunge", "date": "2026-02-27T12:33:17+00:00", "content": "

Hi all, this is basically a journal entry about my life. Feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis and I think there are some grown-ups on this sub who have gone through similar things and might have some words of wisdom.

I'm 35, left my home in Alaska at 18 and have been living abroad in 5 or 6 countries ever since then. Just about half my life. I feel like I'm at a crossroads where the benefits of living abroad feel like they're being outweighed by the costs as my goals and desires change with age. I have an opportunity to build a cabin in my favorite place in the world in Alaska and be part of an amazing summer community which I've known since my childhood. There are work opportunities there and it's generally a really interesting and challenging place to live, where days are always full of unexpected and unique problems which we solve together as a community and I get to do things I never imagined. However, I'm not so enamored with Alaskan winters, having survived 18 of them and 6 in Canada, nor am I so enthusiastic about moving back to America full time, basically because it's expensive and a bit wacko these days.

Meanwhile, I have had a job in an orchestra in Portugal for the past four years which is okay, but I'm finding myself losing interest in my career after 10+ years of being a full time cellist and I'm ready to do something different. Unfortunately, local work opportunities (including my current job) pay roughly fuck-all and there's no local career advancement, so I'm not saving anything here, nor am I that incentivized to look at other careers or try for a 'better' orchestra job in europe because it's really competitive and I honestly don't think getting a more prestigious job with slightly more money will really make me happier. Plus, I'm even tapping into my savings every month by a couple hundred to afford my lavish lifestyle in portugal of....renting a room and not going out. Ok I spend some money on surfing and gas but that's what keeps me going, so it's worth it.

So, I find myself drawn to spending my summers at home and trying to manage my winters abroad...I need to spend next winter season in Europe to keep residency here until I can apply for permanent residency next year (which requires less in-country time). So that'll be a tough transition period but I have some plans. I have a hopefully promising new relationship in Spain, maybe a chance to buy a cheap apartment in spain and renovate it there over next winter, which would be fun.

I loved my 20s abroad. They were full of adventure and cultural exploration (in significantly more exciting places than Portugal I have to say) and I'm so grateful for having spent my life doing that....but I've been striving for some more adult goals in my 30s and I just don't see a future that doesn't involve significant time spent at home anymore. It's wild. Most of my family doesn't even live in Alaska anymore! But some do, and the community and the nature there is worth gold compared to anything I've found abroad.

In a way it all comes down to:
Staying put = safe but unfufilling, with the only local real estate/financial goal being taking an enormous mortgage to buy here (on a salary of 1250 euros/month....yikes)
Quitting my job and going home = adventure and risk, but potentially very rewarding (building home there, trying to earn most of my money seasonally in US, renovating apt in cheap part of Spain)

Kind of the reverse from someone who grew up at home and wants to leave it all for a life more adventurous and satisfying, I want to come home and start some new adventures and leave my safe boring job. Wild! Thanks for reading. I have to give my notice at work this week if I get the balls to quit so it's been weighing on my mind heavy lately.

submitted by /u/jpbunge
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "womenintech", "q": "burnout therapy", "title": "Stuck doing all the glue work on a lean team while my male teammates get the high-visibility projects. How do you job search when work drains everything?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/comments/1wu66x7/stuck_doing_all_the_glue_work_on_a_lean_team/", "author": "/u/csqueen96", "date": "2026-09-30T14:19:12+00:00", "content": "

I think I've officially hit my breaking point with my current job, and I could use some perspective.

My team is running very lean but producing about 2x the output we did when we had more people. Despite that, the work isn't distributed evenly. I've become the default person for all the glue and grunt work. When our CI/CD pipeline breaks, I fix it. When our application gets flagged for vulnerabilities or compliance issues, I fix it.

None of this is simple. It's stressful, reactive work that usually means chasing down multiple teams for answers, with a strict/urgent timeline attached to it. Meanwhile, the rest of my team (all men) get the high-impact, high-visibility feature work. I barely get to code or build anything real anymore. I feel like a professional duct taper. I've raised this with my manager. At first he reassured me I'd get better assignments, but every time our app gets flagged for not meeting org standards, it lands on me again.

It's only Wednesday and I've already thought about rage quitting multiple times this week. I've been in therapy for months working through the burnout. I try not to care, but it's hard. I'm just tired.

I've been job searching and doing interview prep in my free time, but after a full workday I'm so depleted that I barely make progress. I have savings, but given the current market, I don't want to quit without something lined up. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel stuck. I feel like this job has broken me and I'm just a shell of a person. How tf do I keep showing up like this???

submitted by /u/csqueen96
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "womenintech", "q": "burnout therapy", "title": "Mental Health Advice", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/comments/1wju02j/mental_health_advice/", "author": "/u/madelinebai", "date": "2026-09-18T15:53:07+00:00", "content": "

Hello internet friends - I am kindly asking for advice because I can't think clearly

I started my career in tech and was laid off in 2020 but due to my year's severance I had a nice time and felt free for the first time.

Though it was difficult rejoining the job market so my layoff extended 3 years until June of 2023 where I started working low admin roles and found a higher position, then another, then another, until I started working in IT (at a MSP) as an IT consultant.

I have always struggled with my relationship with working and ended up quitting my IT role in April but found another IT role that I started in June...

I was anxious and wanted to work asap but realized my nervous system, and burnout were never addressed appropriately. This new role is more demanding as well.

My depression over the last year has now gotten to a point where it is difficult to function, I have been crying in the office, just started Zoloft, started therapy and it is hard to want to wake up or be interested in anything.

My husband told me to quit to recharge and find something I actually might like to do? I am not sure if that exists but I am good at my job...I just find working intolerable especially right now. I also am embarrassed to quit again and so quickly.

Going through the years of not working made me super anxious around money as well. This role currently allows me to save ~3k a month and I keep thinking to just push through but my motivation is diminishing.

I feel stuck between being miserable at work or taking a risk and quitting and being miserable about money.
However\u2026 I do have enough savings for a bit...maybe even 2 years but my sense of security and safety would feel violated.

Anyone relate? Thank you kindly

submitted by /u/madelinebai
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "womenintech", "q": "burnout therapy", "title": "I got a job, but I think my career is over.", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/comments/1vxbvq0/i_got_a_job_but_i_think_my_career_is_over/", "author": "/u/PoppSucket", "date": "2026-08-24T18:55:38+00:00", "content": "

Part vent, part looking for advice/reassurance/your experiences... I just need a bit of cheeering up, I guess?

Was a "gifted kid", did well in school, had solid grades. Struggled in my first choice of major (because uni meant for the first time in my life I actually had to *study*), switched and found something I was genuinely passionate about.

Did a cool paid internship that turned into an offer for a PhD position at a prestigious institution. The group lead wasn't a good scientist, but at least supportive enough that I could get grants and travel money to attend conferences. Spent a year abroad, to gain international experience. Felt like I wasn't made to stay in academia, as I lacked the "basic research" mindset and skills. I was more of an "engineer". So I wanted to go more into applied R&D.

After graduation, I joined a start up.

Was one of the earliest employees, and put so much heart, effort and love into it. I helped shape this company, its structure, and its culture. At one point just about 2 years in, I was dissatisfied with the situation and lack of options to develop. I was given lots of informal responsibility with no formal authority. As I was starting to look for other options, leadership approached me and gave me a promotion.

I took it, and thought I was so lucky. On a fast track, making up for all the years lost "dabbling" in useless tinkering during my PhD. Making up for the 2 years lost during my early studies.

And I put EVERYTHING into that job, built my own team, took over multiple projects. Still supported operations a lot, as I was at that point the "oldest" employee with legacy knowledge no one else had. It was great.

Until it wasn't.

To cut a very long story short, I was essentially bullied out of that company bc. cofounders decided they'd rather run the whole thing into the ground than actually let the remaining people who were still motivated do their job properly. Obviously I became a liability, because I was asking questions, tried to do things right, and assumed that after several years, my input and effort would remain valued.

In any case, I was on the brink of burnout when I quit, and shortly afterwards the job market in my country turned to hell.

6 months later: almost 100 applications in my field and any related area where my skills are somewhat of a match.

Now I got an offer, finally. The job sounds really cool, and I'm genuinely excited. And I can definitely use my prior experience, my motivation to improve and work on complex structures and systems. And I can learn.

But it's a different field, doesn't involve the core science I am trained in, or leadership experience. It's more of a PM/operational role.

And most frustratingly...

It only pays about 60% of my previous salary.

Still ok money, but when I consider inflation it's about as much as I got during my PhD - 10 years ago.

Now, my husband also found a new job around the same time.

He's been to trade school, went into sales in his profession, and in the past ~20 years always made good money mainly due to comission, because he is genuinely incredible at his job. Now his new job is offering to meet his prior salary + comission without the need to generate the revenue, it's more of a managerial role. It's an incredible step up for him, also means we will finally both have "regular" Mon-Fri schedules and he can take his vacation days, etc.

So...of course I really am happy for him.

But part of me is also disappointed that I will (again, after his company had record earnings during covid) earn less than him, I won't have direct leadership responsibility (which I genuinely enjoyed in my past position, and protecting my team was one of the reasons I stayed as long as I did), and generally it feels like a huge step down from my previous position. I wouldn't even care that much, but we also have a house and a mortgage, and I feel horrible for not being able to contribute "more". It hurts my ego, I guess.

And I question if the years of studying and unpaid internships, living on dry bread and not even affording the smallest luxuries, the whole PhD under a terrible supervisor - if it was even worth it at all, if in the end I can consider myself lucky if I even get any job, that pays less than what my husband gets, who - I quote him here, it's not meant to dismiss his intellect or skills - "doesn't even have a high school diploma".

I went through my studies while being told at the time that the lack of income due to studying for several years will ameliorate as we'll earn higher salaries later - what a joke.

Of course it's not all about the money. But I have always had severe anxiety about my spending habits, and the salary cut literally makes me return to the "dry bread" mindset of my 20s and it's stressful af.

It honestly just feels like my career is over, after just a few years in my industry, and I will forever have to settle for mediocre salaries, and any increase in salary will be eaten up by inflation and I'll stagnate forever.

At the same time I feel greedy and selfish. We have a good life. We won't starve. We're still super lucky to have each other and a combined income that is very good for our country.

I'll start my new job on Sep 1st and it's a limited contract for 18 months. Perhaps I'll be luckier next year around this time when I apply again.

edit:
Thanks for the replies - way more responses than I expected, and I appreciate the different perspectives a lot!
Several people mentioned therapy - I have been to therapy for years to work on my self worth, which is notoriously bad and a main factor that helped improve it was the positive experience of "being good" at my last job, after years of feeling like I wasn't "enough" in any aspect of my life.
So, I technically have the knowledge & tools to work on that from past therapy. Will try to remind myself to focus on existing achievements and acknowledge them instead of dismissing them based on the external circumstances. Thank you all.

Also, I want to emphasize one thing (copied from a comment):
Overall, neither of our salaries is bad, especially not combined - I guess just wish both of us would make more money, so we could also spend it a bit more freely (e.g. less working on the house renovation ourselves, and more options to just hire and pay contractors to do it).
That being said - I think the greatest gift of both of our new positions will be more time for each other. He always had to work Saturdays, and I used to work overall just way too much on evenings and weekends. Both our new positions likely will have better work-life balance, so I will try to focus on that.

submitted by /u/PoppSucket
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "womenintech", "q": "burnout therapy", "title": "Exhausted & burnt out: How do I handle a toxic, passive-aggressive senior colleague while myself dealing with suspected neurodivergence?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/comments/1vlhsd5/exhausted_burnt_out_how_do_i_handle_a_toxic/", "author": "/u/Ok-Bet2975", "date": "2026-08-11T13:40:33+00:00", "content": "

Hi everyone,

I am an expat woman of color working in the tech sector in Western Europe. The vast majority of my colleagues are local European men. I am currently dealing with a highly toxic workplace dynamic with a specific senior colleague, and it has pushed me into a state of chronic burnout. I really need some outside perspective on how to handle this safely while I plan my next career move.

To give you some context, this senior colleague can be incredibly aggressive, rude, and confrontational during team calls and group discussions, often trying to corner or micro-manage me. Because of the cultural and organizational hierarchy, I usually try to keep my distance and handle things neutrally out of respect, but it has reached a boiling point.

Here are a couple of examples of the behavior I am dealing with:

Where I am at right now:
I have underlying health conditions and have been in regular therapy for a couple of years to process complex past. My therapist highly suspects I have AuDHD (Autism and ADHD combo), though I do not have the official diagnostic paperwork completed yet.

Yesterday, after weeks of this pressure-cooker environment, we had a very heated discussion on 1 on 1 in a team call. I stood my ground but ended up explicitly stating that his behavior is the exact reason I have to completely switch off and disconnect after work hours. A lot of intense statements were made by both sides.

Now, the anxiety is hitting me hard. I feel like I've made a mess of the situation and I am terrified of what the corporate outcome or fallout will be when management steps in next week. I am completely emotionally and physically checked out of this company, but I cannot simply quit immediately due to visa/immigration dependencies.

How do I insulate myself from this person during the remaining time I am here? Did I cross a line by defending my boundaries out loud, and how do I protect my reputation if this gets escalated to our manager?

Any advice, especially from other neurodivergent women in tech, would be a lifesaver. Thank you.

Please be respectful in replying.

submitted by /u/Ok-Bet2975
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "womenintech", "q": "burnout therapy", "title": "Ladies who have or are thinking of leaving the industry\u2026 Lawmaking and Policy needs us!", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/comments/1v9gqbh/ladies_who_have_or_are_thinking_of_leaving_the/", "author": "/u/pistachiobuttercream", "date": "2026-07-29T00:44:58+00:00", "content": "

I recently left my pretty cush SWE Lead Engineer job. I realized that if I was burnt out and needed to take FMLA, and was still too stressed when I came back from FMLA, it wasn\u2019t a cush job. I had read the burnout books and did the therapy, and all it did was show me how toxic and unbalanced my workplace was, and how unbalanced I had become. And it was getting worse with the chaotic adoption of AI. So I quit. (Hence the wins-flair haha!)

I\u2019m not sure that I even want to go back to being a SWE. I keep reading the news and seeing all the stuff happening across the country with a lawless administration, with tech companies lobbying Representatives who barely know how to check their email. And recently my state held primaries for different state level officials and I was so disheartened/worried/embarrassed at the answers all the candidates had when it came to questions about technology.

Before my cush job, I worked as a SWE for my state\u2019s Legislature, and I was inspired by Briana Titone who was a geologist and a SWE and became a House Rep. She was placed on the Technology committee as well as others, and she had a lot of sway as someone who actually understood our industry and could make thoughtful recommendations and laws about the intersections of technology and policy.

All this to say, if you are thinking of quitting, YOU HAVE VALUABLE, NEEDED EXPERIENCE that your city, county, or state needs. Not to mention strong organizational skills, long term project management, complex problem solving skills, and outside of the box thinking.

You don\u2019t have to be a lawyer. You don\u2019t have to like politics. In fact we need less politicians and more regular people. This is about smart law making that affects all the people in your area. The paychecks aren\u2019t as good, but if you\u2019re looking for something meaningful, now might be the time for you to look into it.

Edit: I was suggesting that we all need to run for office, like elected positions in our cities, counties, and states. But for folks asking about how to get hired into employment positions, it probably varies by state. My state lists jobs on Indeed. But if you\u2019re looking for employee positions, you could do things like find out what the websites are for your state (like legislators, governors office, even your representatives) and ask where job opening are listed, specifically tech openings.

submitted by /u/pistachiobuttercream
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "womenintech", "q": "burnout therapy", "title": "Need insights on FMLA + Short Term Disability Leave", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/comments/1u5bk81/need_insights_on_fmla_short_term_disability_leave/", "author": "/u/PrthReddits", "date": "2026-06-14T04:37:24+00:00", "content": "

Hello,

I am going to give a lot of context because I genuinely need help and I really appreciate if you could read through it...

I am a 22yo software engineer who is suffering from burnout, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and passive ideation. Basically, my mental state is in the gutter. Work is the main reason why, actually...

I recently found out I am FMLA eligible: I only have 10 months of "full-time employment" so far, but I interned 2 years ago at the current company I work at for 10 weeks at 40 hours a week.

So I have a net total of 12+ months with the same employer.

I was initially going to wait to reach 12 months of *CONSECUTIVE* employment with my employer, during which I'd also resume therapy and get a more up-to-date psychiatric evaluation, but my mental state can't take it. I'm so burned out. It's hard to do anything, so I am going to be taking the FMLA earlier than I expected.

I did Googling and asking AI to get my initial info, but I wanted to ask people who have experience with this; this is my first full time job, I have no idea how this works or how insurance works, I'm actually still under my parents' health insurance too.

My primary care provider (PCP) and I discussed this at my last visit. She explained that people typically file for FMLA and STDL (short term disability leave) at the same time and they work together. FMLA is a lot easier to get accepted since it's unpaid, the insurance won't scrutinize it as much. You can take up to 12 weeks FMLA in a calendar year - I'm planning on using the whole 12 weeks at once.

TLDR of medical history relating to mental health:

Notably, I haven't had therapy and have not been seeing a psychiatrist since around Jan 2025, even though I was still depressed. In Jan 2026, I decided to restart therapy after many panic attacks but unfortunately life got in the way and I've just been delaying it.

I'm worried about my STDL not getting accepted because of there being not enough paper "evidence".. Again, I was planning on getting help soon and then taking the leave later, but I can't tolerate working anymore.

Also, for some more context even though I'm a full time employee, I have to log hours into Workday. I normally just put 9-5 every week and submit, which is standard practice in our company. The hours are pretty much a formality. My FMLA and STDL are both covered through Metlife, I don't pay into it the employer does on their own.

So, with all that being said, here are my questions:

Thank you so much for the help in advance; please let me know if any other context could be helpful

submitted by /u/PrthReddits
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "womenintech", "q": "burnout therapy", "title": "How to deal with burnout - let\u2019s help each other and leave tips!", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/comments/1symo61/how_to_deal_with_burnout_lets_help_each_other_and/", "author": "/u/sassyexec", "date": "2026-04-29T03:04:43+00:00", "content": "

I love this subreddit because they are truly so many amazing women in tech across North America.

However, a recurring theme I see constantly in posts is - how to deal with burnout.

The world is a weird place right now - lots of layoffs, having to do more with less, AI becoming widespread. It\u2019s a LOT (and I haven\u2019t even gone into the depths of it).

I want us to all help each other. So share in the comments what has personally helped you with burnout?

Personally for me it has been leaving bad situations and when I couldn\u2019t, going to therapy and finding something outside of work to ground me. Even if it\u2019s under 30 minutes a day.

submitted by /u/sassyexec
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "womenintech", "q": "burnout therapy", "title": "Burnout Therapy? Options", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/comments/1sfjys8/burnout_therapy_options/", "author": "/u/Happy_Inspection_634", "date": "2026-04-08T05:29:04+00:00", "content": "

hi ! looking for some advice or guidance here.

I work at a high growth startup that is undergoing a lot of painnnful change management (unfortunately -- I know that is not uncommon) but I think I've really hit my limit. I genuinely have passion for the product and the work I do; but between heightened corporate politics, increased ambiguity in project/task ownership, and an overall lack of communication top down; It's been making me dread work every single day and I know I need to ask for help.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for - career coaching? Burnout therapy? But what I do know is I would like to seek support from a professional that will help me set healthier boundaries, create a better work/life balance, and work through the part of me that ties so much of my value and self worth to my career.

I'd really appreciate hearing all of your guys' thoughts and also interested in hearing about your experiences and how you've approached this - any tools or specific support you found most helpful when building a healthier relationship with your professional life? Open to all ideas!

Side note - I know looking for other jobs is an option but it's not something I'd like to pursue fully quite yet. While the nature of my current workplace is definitely a major contributor to how I'm feeling, I really am genuinely passionate about the work that I do and I would appreciate any guidance on how to heal my relationship with my professional life first before leaving my current position :)

submitted by /u/Happy_Inspection_634
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "womenintech", "q": "burnout therapy", "title": "The misogyny inside these companies doesn't stay inside, it gets coded into the products they ship to millions.", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/comments/1s5lfco/the_misogyny_inside_these_companies_doesnt_stay/", "author": "/u/Stone-Salad-427", "date": "2026-03-28T00:17:44+00:00", "content": "

My name is Kelly Stonelake, I worked at Meta for nearly 15 years, including as Director of Product Marketing, am a federal whistleblower and advocate for legislative reform. I also write a newsletter called Overturned by Kelly Stonelake on tech accountability and broken systems of power, and serve on the Advisory Council for ParentsRISE!, a survivor-parent-led movement demanding accountability from Big Tech.

----

I recently did an interview with Bark about my experience with sexual harassment, discrimination, and retaliation within a product leadership team at Meta Horizon Worlds. I pulled quotes that I thought this community could find particularly validating or helpful.

You can watch the full interview or find links to listen here.

----

ON WALKING INTO AN ALL-MALE LEADERSHIP TEAM

[15:05] "It was a room full of \u2014 it was all men on this leadership team that I had joined and I was immediately read in on the open secret that the vast majority of the people using Horizon were children."

ON BEING ASKED TO SILENCE ANOTHER WOMAN

[21:23] "When I went to my peers, the rest of the product leadership team and said, 'Hey, we need to talk about what Carrie is saying' \u2014 a man named Jeff Lin, who was the product design director, said, 'Yeah Kelly, we need to talk about that. We need you to shut her up and we're going to find out if you're as good as they say you are.'"

[21:50] "It was as if everyone else in the room had just heard what someone had for lunch that day. Like there wasn't shock, there wasn't concern."

[22:06] "Obviously I refused to do that. But pretty quickly as I continued pushing the issue, I was excluded from the leadership meetings \u2014 they just disappeared from my calendar."

ON WHY I WAS EXCLUDED

[22:30] "The response I got was that there were concerns about confidentiality \u2014 and this is on a backdrop of being explicitly told we can't create any record that's discoverable of our knowledge that there are kids in the product."

ON WOMEN BEING PUSHED OUT

[34:14] "In product marketing, out of the 20 of us that were VPs or directors in that function \u2014 this includes the Meta glasses, the actual Oculus hardware, the games, and Horizon \u2014 there were I think like four or five women. And by the time I left on my medical leave, all but one were out on leave."

[34:36] "There was one on maternity leave and then the others had left on medical leaves also."

[34:52] "The other women on the team were like, 'All the folks that are potentially looking out for me are dwindling away. What does this mean for me?'"

ON NOT BEING RECOGNIZED FOR MY WORK

[36:22] "He had both apologized for not doing more to get me in the room but then also told me that I wouldn't be recognized for the work I did pausing the product rollout because of the way it would reveal the shortcomings of this senior man I worked with."

ON THE CULT-LIKE LOYALTY THAT KEPT ME THERE

[35:04] "I kind of attribute this in hindsight to just another way that that deep loyalty and almost cult-like environment was still impacting me. Like I thought, I'm going to take a medical leave. I'm going to get better. I'm going to show people that these aren't quiet exits. I'm going to come back and keep fixing this."

ON WHAT THE MORAL INJURY DID TO MY BODY

[32:16] "I experienced a catastrophic medical event in that I almost overnight lost my ability to form words, to move my arms and legs, to get out of bed."

[32:33] "I thought I was experiencing like the worst anxiety and depression of my life."

[32:41] "Autistic burnout is a complete collapse of capacity to function. That often comes either in response to a moral injury or when demand exceeds capacity."

[33:06] "Coming to terms and being confronted with this experience \u2014 that there were people at this company that I helped build, and all of the lawyers and leaders and folks around them, that weren't on the same page as me about how urgent and problematic this was \u2014 it wasn't just difficult in that context, but then I started kind of rerunning the tapes. It's like, oh my god, have I helped build this company and this industry that I believe is potentially evil."

ON WHAT FOLLOWED THE BURNOUT

[35:50] "I was in really bad shape. The experience led pretty quickly to severe suicidal ideation and I was in full-time treatment for that."

ON BEING LAID OFF WHILE ON MEDICAL LEAVE

[36:46] "Eight months into the leave, I was laid off. I was told, 'Hey, we've got to find another person. We've got to keep the business moving.'"

[37:01] "It had been nearly 15 years. This is a company full of people I love deeply and the thought of not working there was still really hard for me to even wrap my head around."

ON THE SEPARATION AGREEMENT

[37:27] "When I got the package offer, the separation agreement \u2014 it just did not sit right with me. It required that I hold Meta harmless."

[37:40] "I was thinking about the children that were in the product exposed to harm. I was thinking about the women and other folks on the margins working at the company that I couldn't protect anymore \u2014 and knew that they had the potential to have experienced what I had. And I just thought, I can't sign this."

ON HOW MISOGYNY GETS CODED INTO PRODUCTS

[42:19] "It really matters to me to be open about it because of the way that whistleblowers are treated within companies when they leave \u2014 those who raise ethical issues. It's harmful. Not only do I believe that misogyny and that disregard for people gets coded directly into the products when these practices exist within companies \u2014 but these are real people with real lives."

ON MALE LAWYERS TRYING TO INTIMIDATE ME OUT OF FILING

[43:08] "It was initially just a string of dudes saying, 'Could you be so stupid?' Like, every detail about your life is going to be exposed. Every mistake you've ever made is going to be pointed to. They are going to drag you through the coals and make an example out of you."

[43:23] "It just pissed me off more."

ON CHOOSING TRUTH OVER REPUTATION

[43:31] "I almost died. In what world would it make sense that I would be more concerned about my reputation than about doing what's right \u2014 when my kids almost grew up without their mom because of practices like this."

[44:10] "When we make the decision to protect our own \u2014 whether it's emotional or financial \u2014 instead of speaking up about stuff like this that we've seen, we're literally choosing our safety over a child's. And that's it. It was just pretty black and white for me."

ON NOT HAVING TO BE PERFECT TO SPEAK UP

[44:18] "If I'm going to be made an example, I hope that I can be made an example that you don't have to be perfect. You don't have to have no skeletons in your closet to be able to tell the truth of your experiences and to be able to hold companies like Meta accountable."

ON ROCKET SHIP GROWTH AND PRINCIPLED DECISION-MAKING

[9:44] "For years it was a place where I was rewarded and experienced kind of rocket ship career growth by making principled decisions \u2014 saying no to money, focusing on our customer. And it was a place that I really thought I was going to work for my entire career."

ON PRIVILEGE AND WHO GETS TO SURVIVE THESE EXPERIENCES

[1:16:45] "I really feel like I'm alive today because of the privilege that I have \u2014 both that I had money and white skin and healthcare professionals were paying attention to me. And if not for some of those things, I really don't think I would be here. And I don't think that's okay. That's not the world I want to live in."

ON OWNING YOUR NARRATIVE

[1:15:15] "The experience I shared about the way that people are made to fear standing up to entities like Meta \u2014 because, oh well, what if your therapy note about the time when you were having an autistic shutdown and could not get up off the floor for hours becomes public? Well, if I can write about that and get that story out and own that narrative, not only does it help take that power back and away from a company like Meta, but I hope that it also sets an example that we all have our differences \u2014 and that does not mean there's not one size and shape of standing in your truth."

submitted by /u/Stone-Salad-427
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "womenintech", "q": "burnout therapy", "title": "Is anyone else BEC with with the \"self fulfilment\" narrative from other women in tech networking? [Warning, this is a rant.]", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/comments/1ruuweh/is_anyone_else_bec_with_with_the_self_fulfilment/", "author": "/u/Peliquin", "date": "2026-03-16T00:35:42+00:00", "content": "

I swear to god that any given day on LinkedIn I blunder into a post that reads something like this:

"I was an overachiever from the day I could walk at 6 months old, and my identity and personality was intrinsically tied to my high powered career that I totally told myself was the result of hard work, and not any exploitation at all of people beneath me, even though I laid off top performers in 2022 and 2024 because the numbers worked out. I thought people who were complaining about the job market was suckers until I had a meeting at 430 on a Friday and found myself jobless before 5pm.

I crashed out.

In the six months since then, I've traveled. I've gotten to work on myself. I realized that <random autistic or ADHD trait> was holding me back and that what I really needed to do was <some self indulgent thing>. As I've come into a new phase of life that is cozier, more curated around family, friends, and experiences, I've decided that I want to help other women with my own experiences from this time in my life.

I think a lot of women suffer from Cute Name I Gave A Common Experience or Whatever Burnout that sounds least made up. It can feel like random, vague emotions, or look like random, vague actions. I was there and I know the way out now.

<Book pitch/blog pitch/career coaching pitch here.>"

I got sent another one of these articles and it feels like the worst combo of grift and condescension imaginable. Invariably whomever is sending this to me is like "what do you think?"

I think Karen wants me to buy her book, Susan. I think she wants people to think that there's yet another avenue that women can travel themselves to solve all the problems, therefore absolving everyone else from having to make room for women or confront their own internal misogyny. I think it sells the idea that women still need to earn adulthood through lengthy therapy processes that are out of reach for the average woman, therefore creating a do loop where women can't have adult jobs unless they are adult, and they can't be an adult without money from a job.

Just reading it feels like someone holding my head under water.

I rarely see this kind of post from a man. Men tend to post stuff like "I've taken a job in auto sales" or "I decided to monetize my 3D printing hobby." It's okay if they are just here for the paycheck. But women, apparently women need to go on drastic, expensive journeys of self discovery and really find their center and what draws them, and answer their calling and SELF FULFILL to be worthy of a living wage.

I. Just. Want. An. Okay. Job. It does not need to save the world. I don't need it to do anything other than not suck, though it would be nice if was a bit better than that. I am okay with being an underfulfilled former gifted kid at work if I can just have enough money and time to be happily fulfilled at home. I do not need to monetize my hobby. I.... and I cannot say this emphatically enough... am not looking for a system that will make my life or other people magically make sense.

I feel like too many women in tech try to systematize/label everything. I had a coworker get genuinely upset that I hadn't figured out my place in the categorization system that had become a fixation for her. I don't care which Meyer's Briggs type I am Glenda; the last time I explained how I tested, the person who wanted to know got very confused by incongruous parts of my personality and wouldn't drop it.

I am looking for a job. Not looking to manifest an abundance mindset that will (not) take the sting out of yet another trip to the grocery store, list in order of priority, knowing that I probably won't buy the last three items. I am looking for networking, not opportunities to take quizzes to see if I vibe with some program program. I don't want to buy a book/lesson plan/coaching package that feels exactly like a redressing of therapy homework meant to help someone else to understand their flavor of neurodivergency. I do not want to reinvent the wheel and call it something cute.

I realize this is not confined to tech, but it feels to me like a lot of it is coming from this sector. I'm not really sure why, but I'm struggling not to blow up at people who send me this drivel.

Does anyone else feel this way?

submitted by /u/Peliquin
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "womenintech", "q": "burnout therapy", "title": "Has anyone (especially women in their late 30s/40s) overcome this constant pressure to \u201coptimize\u201d life?", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/comments/1r5wwco/has_anyone_especially_women_in_their_late_30s40s/", "author": "/u/sh_zadeh", "date": "2026-02-16T02:03:05+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m in my early 30s, female, raised in a loving but very strict family where education and success were everything. Growing up, I always felt this pressure to be the best, to get the top grades, to look my best, to be socially accepted, to be impressive in every way. It wasn\u2019t about naturally being superior; it was more like I constantly pushed myself to measure up and stay ahead.

That mindset pushed me far. I immigrated, got my PhD, and now I work in tech. On paper, everything looks great. My parents are proud. I\u2019ve achieved most of what I aimed for.

But internally, I\u2019ve always lived with this constant pressure and nervous energy. I\u2019m always thinking I should be doing more, better, faster. And ironically, that pressure often paralyzes me, I procrastinate, freeze, then rush at the last minute under huge stress\u2026 and somehow still succeed. But it never feels peaceful. It feels like survival mode.

Even now, I can\u2019t relax without feeling like I\u2019m wasting my life. If I\u2019m not working toward a promotion, a higher salary, a better job, a better house, learning something useful, preparing for interviews\u2026 I feel guilty. Even hobbies or exercise feel like something to \u201cfinish quickly\u201d so I can go back to being productive.

There\u2019s a nonstop voice in my head saying: optimize more, achieve more, don\u2019t fall behind, AI will replace you, make more money, don\u2019t waste time. I honestly don\u2019t remember the last time I truly relaxed without feeling guilty, unless I was physically sick.

I\u2019ve tried therapy (didn\u2019t find someone who really understood this pattern) and even medication briefly, but it just made me foggy and didn\u2019t solve the core issue.

I guess my question is:

Are there women here in their late 30s or 40s who used to live like this,constantly chasing, never satisfied, never able to rest, and actually changed? What helped? Did something shift with age? Therapy? A specific mindset change? Burnout?

I don\u2019t want to wake up at 50 and realize I never actually lived.

Would really appreciate hearing from anyone who\u2019s been through something similar.

submitted by /u/sh_zadeh
[link] [comments]" }, { "sub": "womenintech", "q": "burnout therapy", "title": "running a closed beta for Unmute, looking for testers and feeback!", "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/comments/1or8lp5/running_a_closed_beta_for_unmute_looking_for/", "author": "/u/Sufficient_Meat5498", "date": "2025-11-07T22:38:26+00:00", "content": "

I\u2019m building Unmute - a voice-first, anonymous space for emotional expression and human empathy. Born from my own experience with burnout and the realization that most social and wellness tools chase dopamine and \u201coptimization\u201d

Unmute instead nurtures serotonin: calm, connection, and meaning. Users record short voice notes to share what\u2019s on their mind and hear from others going through similar experiences, supported by thoughtful AI matching and moderation. It\u2019s not therapy or social media, but a new kind of human network for emotional balance and belonging. And please, no more AI chatbots.

I\u2019m running a small closed beta and looking for a few women in tech to try it and share feedback. If this idea resonates with you, please sign up on the waitlist here https://tally.so/r/wbBGr0, or just drop a comment or DM me! Look forward to hearing from you!

https://reddit.com/link/1or8lp5/video/osglubac5xzf1/player

submitted by /u/Sufficient_Meat5498
[link] [comments]" } ]